What do you do if SS refuse to help, and you can't cope any more?

[UtterlyDefeated]

My teenage DC is autistic and deeply disturbed. They haven't been to school this whole academic year. We are being physically and verbally abused daily. Our house is being trashed. A window has been broken. Younger DC is being bullied. Everyone's health is suffering, especially autistic DC who doesn't leave the house and has no exercise they are still shouting and screaming after hours and hours. No one can sleep.

I've begged social services for help, they don't want to know. Refused to give us a disabled child or carers assessment. Referred us to a local SN charity who can't do much to help at the moment.

I can't cope. I can't go on.

Does anyone have any ideas on what I can do or who I can contact?

Thanks

childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/child-in-need-services/

Look for autismadhd on facebook and then contact Annie Clements who is the founder. She is based in Ipswich but advises around the world on Autism and may have some ideas for you

Autismandadhd.org is their website. They open 930am. Can be contacted by phone or email. Annie is on facebook daily answering questions. Hope you get the help you need.
Hang on in there 🌻

OP that sounds really hard. I'm sorry I have minimal experience, as her medication isnt helping could your GP increase the dose or change to something else to help a bit?

Contact solicitors specialising in SEN and social care law - in Wales your best bets are probably Watkins (in Bristol) and Sinclairs. You are likely to be able to get legal aid in your daughter's name to challenge this.

In the longer term, would a specialist residential placement be worth trying for?

*Was it a Section 17 Child in Need assessment that you requested?

If so refusing you was unlawful as your DD meets the criteria*

Don't forget we are living in CV times. In SS minds, the OP child is not being neglected or abused so it's not an emergency case.

OP I agree with others that you now need to put it all on the line. Next time your teenage touches you, phone the police. Refuse to allow her back.

SS will have to get involved at that point.

Yes I was just coming on to say same as po. Next time there is any violence call the police. It's an unhappy situation but you need to receive help.

I know this can be draining but keep contacting SS. And lay out exactly how badly you're feeling.
IME it can sometimes be a situation where it takes a few referrals/contacts before they intervene.
Also explain the charity they referred to can't help. In fairness they won't know that & in Wales have a scheme of 'early help', where if not a child
Protection issue they refer families for support(generally to voluntary organisations). If you have any professionals involved eg paediatrician ask them to refer to SS too.

I haven't got experience of them but a friend has had positive experience of National Autistic Society.

Contact her doctor sertraline is good but not always

Sorry to hear your going through this, must be horrendous. What's happening is really serious and social service should be wanting to help and give you an assessment. But then again with all this going on, can they do one whilst social distancing????

Even though your child has autism, is there any way you can communicate and still bring down house rules, I dont know the level of their autism but I dont know if kids do all that if they have autism. I have never heard of smashing up the house. However I have heard of different moods, ie one minute loud and the other minute shy. I would try talking frequently and using different methods to calm them down and finding different activities to keep them busy so that they dont get upset and verbally abuse you and your household. Keep pestering social services and see what they can do whilst they are managing social distancing. I wish you all the very best to you and all your family.

I'm so sorry for you OP.
What SS told you before about her IQ is utter rubbish and just a fob off.
Unfortunately there is very little support about.
You are going to have to do something drastic/dramatic, to get anything done.

I do suggest ringing SS back though, and basically / politely threatening them!

Have you tried your local Integrated Autism Service? They don't work with children but they are obliged to support parents if young people with Autism. Don't let them fob you off, their opening line is - we don't work with children - so keep explaining it's about you and you need advice and support.
Also a lot of Neurodevelopmental services are currently closed but they still have a telephone service.
The difficulty is that most services have been rolled back to essential provision only and staff are being deployed elsewhere but there is still a duty.
You could actually go down the safeguarding route if you feel your teen and siblings are at risk. It would escalate your case.
I really hope you find a solution. It's an impossible situation for you all.

Can I just say that the coronavirus has not brought everything to a halt. We are still getting stroke rehab in the home. The SW does not have to get within 2 metres to assess. And there are 2 children in need of protection. The virus does not mean they can’t act. Plus the OP asked for an assessment before the pandemic. It was unlawful of the Council to refuse. I think you need to try again. It’s exhausting but please try again- maybe with back up from something like NAS - I was trained by them and they were phenomenal.

Sorry one more thing! Get this thread moved to a SEN board. Parents of children with additional needs are well organised- there will be an expert on Mumsnet who can help. I think you report your own thread to get it moved.

I’m so sorry to hear this. The situation of not being able to access support from the children with disabilities team as there is no learning disability is one I am very familiar with. It’s meant that we cannot access various therapies that would have supported my DCs mental health.

For the longer term I would look at Yvonne Newbold’s work around SEND children with violent and challenging behaviour, VCB. If you google it a lot with come up. Her suggestion of a low arousal, low demand approach works wonders but it is a leap of faith to begin with and not an immediate solution. It takes time, however we have seen a reduction in VCB, more ‘compliance’ and a far safer household since we started. It also helps not to feel alone and gives us as parents some kind of feeling of being able to help the situation rather than the general helplessness we had been used to.

So sorry to hear your situation OP. Please call the emergency services though as she is clearly a danger to herself and others. If she won’t cooperate to go to A and E with you, this is the best option. I am also in Wales and had to call an ambulance to get my mentally unwell son to undergo an assessment this week. It was all very quick and he had a full specialist assessment that night.
When I spoke to SS afterwards they told me that they were currently quieter than usual so don’t assume she won’t be seen.
Good luck.

In addition to previous responses, contact your younger child's school headteacher. They should be able to offer them a place in school which would give them some respite from their sibling.

I'm not suggesting it's the "right" or the long-term answer but it's something that could be in place very quickly.

Good morning, everyone. Thank you all so much for all of your replies.

@AllTeaAllShade In amongst the screaming shrieking and banging she is shouting: help me, why, lots of obscenities, you’re hurting me, leave me alone, shouting “Ow” in a way that suggests someone’s hurting her, I want to kill you, and lots of “Mum” but when I go to her she shouts louder. Once I went in and she seemed to calm momentarily, but then punched me.
It’s strange it’s like she’s talking to someone. But when she’s calm and reasonable, she doesn’t want to talk about what she’s going through at those times.

@eaglejulesk Thank you

@mathanxiety yes, A&E is a possibility, too, as well as taking her police or SS. The practicalities of it though are tricky... she’s as big as me! Will consider an ambulance when things are next bad.

@WatchingFromTheWings, thanks, it may come to that. Sorry to read it’s not an uncommon thing.

@FourDecades It was a disabled child assessment that they refused, but I’ll ask about the section 17. They also denied my request for a Carers Assessment, which I now see I’m legally entitled to.

@marydtf Thanks, I’ll look them up.

@EasyPleasey and @slipperywhensparticus I’ll be phoning her psychiatrist today. She’s just had a new one, but we only managed to meet him once, before lockdown. I should be able to arrange phone meeting with him, hopefully.

@JudyCoolibar Many thanks. A friend also has the number of a good solicitor in this field from when her ASD son couldn’t get the education he needed, but I hadn’t felt the need to ask her about it thus far. I’m not sure what to do with legal help yet... incidentally she has a lovely school with fab staff if we could get her to go!

@ukgift2016 it was before CV that they refused to help, but it will be even more difficult now, I appreciate that. Getting things in place for later is all I can try to do now.

@BBCK was it an emergency call you made for your son, or something prearranged? I’m glad he got some help quickly.

@HairyMaclary that’s interesting, I’ll investigate this method. So it seems it really is a “thing” that they don’t help disabled children if there is no learning disability? That’s bizarre... the needs of a disabled child are very complex and there can be care and behavioural issues even if new educational needs.

Thanks again to @StillDumDeDumming for all your advice and support, and anyone else I haven’t mentioned.

All responses have helped me so much and I have lots to investigate and try. I’ll definitely be contacting SS again in a polite but persistent way and letting them know that I know what I’m entitled to as regards assessments. I’m going to try to arrange call to psychiatrist today, too.

Thanks again everyone.👍🏼

Well done OP - you must be exhausted.

Yes, you must be completely exhausted. What an incredibly difficult situation.

Call the police if punched / assaulted.
If you were talking about an adult I would jump to suggest they are psychotic?
If the police see the behaviour they have a 'duty to refer' and would alert SS.

SS said that because DD got (only just) too high a score in some sort of IQ test when she was about 9 then she's not disabled enough for them to assess.

That's funny, adult social services (also in wales) tried to pull the same crap with my disabled sibling. Said their "IQ was too high to qualify" - the person in question has a diagnosis of a moderate to severe learning disability. So take from that what you will. Ironically enough SS aren't too bright with their excuse making.
Besides using IQ as an excuse to not even assess a person's needs is unlawful. It's just their go to excuse to put people off from trying to access any of the support that's supposed to be avilable.

Well done, OP - and good luck for getting the help you need.

Glad you have some suggestions OP. Maybe you should also film an outburst to show how bad it can be?

Thanks again to all of you for your support. Thought I should update...

Spoke to lovely teacher from school this morning who got in touch with psychiatrist for us as I didn’t have the lockdown number. He is prescribing new medication - Risperidone (an anti psychotic) - to work alongside DDs sertraline. It is often used to calm aggression in autistic youngsters. Prescription is in the post, so should be able to get started next week.

DD has been difficult today, but in a calmer moment said she was keen to try the new medication because she knows she needs help.

I’m so hoping this will improve everything and get her back to how she was before. I’ve decided I won’t ask SS for extra support at this time, but will ask for the assessments to which I’m entitled in case we do need more support soon. To be honest, the two people I spoke to before I didn’t get a good impression of, and they’re so reluctant to get involved.

I’ll investigate the other links and organisations you’ve all kindly alerted me to too, and see what they may be able to help me with later should I need it.

I was so desperate this a.m. and all of your replies, however short helped and uplifted me. So lovely that people take the time.

Thanks again 🙂

Wishing you and your family all the best Op x