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Original poster

Husband googling painless methods of suicide

89 replies

owl89 · 12/04/2020 22:50

Found this search on husbands phone about an hour ago and I feel sick and don't know what to do. I confronted him and he broke down crying. I broke down crying. We have 2 young children. I'm so mad at him. I'm devastated. I know I should feel empathy but I'm just so fucking mad. I told him to phone samaritans and he's on the phone to them now. I'm sitting upstairs thinking what the fuck do I do now.

OP posts:

HairyHoraceHaggis · 13/04/2020 10:52

What area of the country are you in OP? (No need to be specific, just generally)

HairyHoraceHaggis · 13/04/2020 10:59

www.supportline.org.uk/

The above can be called from anywhere in the U.K. - there are lips specific suicide prevention services covering different areas of the country though, and they are still providing support remotely

HairyHoraceHaggis · 13/04/2020 10:59

don’t know where lips came from, ignore!

AnotherEmma · 13/04/2020 11:03

I'm glad he called the Samaritans and has decided to contact his GP. It sounds as if he would benefit from antidepressants. It is possible to do counselling by phone or video chat, too.

As PPs said make sure you're looking after yourself and have someone to talk to about how you're feeling, to vent and moan if you need to.

movinggoalposts · 13/04/2020 11:57

When things are overwhelming for me, I find it helpful to draw a stress bucket. I draw lines across to show how it is filling up with whatever is getting to me. In his case, he has work, his Dad, his Mum, the lockdown, maybe worries about providing for his family... it’s really helpful to see that there are factors at play and I am not a failure as a person. Anyone would struggle with that amount of external stress. When I am overwhelmed, I become more ‘numb’ to the good things in life and feel like I am a burden, that’s when really negative thinking can creep in. Over time, I’ve learned to recognise danger points and look after myself more so I don’t always jump to the ‘must end it’ way of thinking.

Justaboy · 13/04/2020 12:06

I'm glad he called the Samaritans and has decided to contact his GP

Me too! but please Owl, make sure he actually does this, some people with MH issues can, be shall we say, be a bit treatment non compliaint;!

chickenyhead · 13/04/2020 12:12

OP, I am so glad that you came across his search. Now that you know about his struggles you can support him and he will know that there is a life worth staying for.

Look after your own mental health too and don't take on the blame. He isn't well and therefore saying that your actions triggered it is irrational.

Don't be afraid to ask for professional help, he isn't in control of this and it can feel overwhelming.

Gin4thewin · 13/04/2020 12:16

I spent 6 months in a deep dark depression, i barely remember any of it. What i do remember is spending 2 weeks how to kill myself as painlessly as possible. Luckily i had a slight break in the clouds one day and i managed to hot tail my ass to the Drs. Theyre open, call them, he needs an appointment now. Best of luck to you both xx

LickitySplit25 · 13/04/2020 12:30

I have been through something similar recently and I want you to know that it's ok to be fucking angry. Yes, your husband needs support and you need to keep your anger in check but, in your own head, it is absolutely ok to be angry at the situation. You did not ask for this and probably have an incredibly busy life already without this shit, but take a deep breath and you can get through it together.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 13/04/2020 12:35

I get it’s a shock to you. However please do not be mad at him. To be googling suicide he is very very unwell. Maybe he didn’t delete his search his search history is because subconsciously he wanted you to discover it. You don’t need us to tell you or him that he needs urgent help.

saraclara · 13/04/2020 12:50

OP it is not your fault. Please don't ever believe it is your fault. It's ok to be mad, to feel devastated. Never, ever blame yourself for this.

This, and very much so.

I contacted a suicide helpline after a dear friend called me while standing on his high floor balcony feeling compelled to jump. I felt absolutely useless and as if I was saying all the wrong things, because I seemed to be making him more angry. After he finally went in, and to bed, I had to talk to someone.

The person on the other end of the helpline was really helpful, and talked me through the fact that what was going through his head really wasn't my responsibility, and whatever choice he might have made in those moments wouldn't be down to anything I said either.

I can't remember who I called, but I really recommend that you google for a helpline for those who are friends/relatives/partners of those who are suicidal. It helps to talk to someone.

dyscalculicgal96 · 13/04/2020 13:06

Please do not take this lightly. Ask your GP for a phone appointment pronto.

Justaboy · 13/04/2020 21:46

saraclara It may well be that you did talk to him and by doing so changed his mind! In some circumstances someone taking may well be just enough to make it not happen.

They train, pardon the pun, railway staff to intervene and talk if they suspect someone my be about to harm themselves at stations.

So alough you may well have been angry about what did happen i very much suspect you saved his life!

TooSadToSay · 16/04/2020 15:53

How are you getting on @owl89? I've been in this exact situation and I know how terrifying it is. (I got angry too so I'm glad to see from the thread that I'm not alone in that). My DH got some heavy-duty therapy which helped enormously, and I paid for counselling too. Sending best wishes to you.

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