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Original poster

Husband googling painless methods of suicide

89 replies

owl89 · 12/04/2020 22:50

Found this search on husbands phone about an hour ago and I feel sick and don't know what to do. I confronted him and he broke down crying. I broke down crying. We have 2 young children. I'm so mad at him. I'm devastated. I know I should feel empathy but I'm just so fucking mad. I told him to phone samaritans and he's on the phone to them now. I'm sitting upstairs thinking what the fuck do I do now.

OP posts:

HelloTerrance · 12/04/2020 23:31

I dont think it is right to pile on shafowdor here. They might be wrong but having been with someone who used suicide threats as a means of manipulation I can totally see why they asked that.

OP I hope you and your husband get the help you need. Do you have anyone that can support you through this while you support your husband? It is a lot to shoulder on your own and your mental health is important too.

letsdolunch321 · 12/04/2020 23:31

Shadowdoor21 - YOU clearly have no idea of mental health problems and how people can react in these situations!!

Susanna85 · 12/04/2020 23:32

I really feel for you OP. With two young children.
I hope you're able to get a doctors appointment for him ASAP.
None of this is your fault or even his, he's not well. But it's ok to feel how you feel, too. Keep an eye on him tonight and do call 999 if you have any suspicion he's taken something or might do something imminently.

Shadowdoor21 · 12/04/2020 23:34

Exactly. Perhaps I'm just too used to seeing people talking about emotional manipulation on here that I see it where it may not be. But it is a possibility from what op said.

I mean even if I was...not in my right mind, I couldn't ever imagine telling my partner I googled suicide because she told me off about something. Its, selfish. Sure, could e the depression talking. But could also be emotional manipulation.

ellanwood · 12/04/2020 23:34

Gently remind him there's no such thing as painless suicide - as the pain will be felt forever by his DC and by you. Explain to him that even if he can't see the value in himself his DC always will and you do too.
And please reassure him that however terrifying the feeling, it will, at some stage pass and he will come through it.

Designerenvy · 12/04/2020 23:36

So sorry you are dealing with this. Please don't blame yourself, he is depressed, he feels useless and that things are out of his control. He is angling his anger towards you. Don't meet him with anger .
Hold him , tell him you love him, need him and that your life is better with him in it. Tell him your baby needs a father .
Get through the night.
Get on to gp first thing.

Stay strong, you can do this . Hold onto him

WitchenKitch · 12/04/2020 23:36

Shadow door is also right - people do threaten suicide as a form of emotional abuse.
If this is the case with OP's husband, then showing that she's taking it seriously and not accepting any blame is still absolutely the way to handle it.

CandyLeBonBon · 12/04/2020 23:37

Hope he gets some support from Samaritans

Bagadverts · 12/04/2020 23:39

This is not your fault or DPs. Yes to contacting the GP. Also support for yourself.

This Mind information includes a section on support for you

www.mind.org.uk/media-a/2904/support-someone-who-feels-suicidal-2017.pdf

Gettingo · 12/04/2020 23:40

Do you often check searches on his phone? If so, he might have put it there for you to see.

TudorRoses · 12/04/2020 23:43

It's not your fault, and I can understand why you felt angry. There is no painless method - especially not for the people who might be left behind. He is really ill though, and he can't actually help it.
I hope that he gets the urgent assistance that he needs

Thelnebriati · 12/04/2020 23:45

Shadowdoor21 is right. People who are intent on suicide tend to google for effective methods, not painless ones.

PurpleDaisies · 12/04/2020 23:46

People who are intent on suicide tend to google for effective methods, not painless ones.

Where’s your evidence for that?

Shadowdoor21 · 12/04/2020 23:48

Hmm I dunno. I think they'd probably want it to be both surely. Eeh morbid thought isnt it.

Itwasntme1 · 12/04/2020 23:51

Your husband needs to speak to a counsellor and his gp immediately.

It was also very unfair of him to blame you. It could be a mental illness speaking, however none of us know what exactly is going on with him.

If you think he is a danger to Himself call your gp in the morning and ask for a telephone appointment urgently.

Listen to him, but don’t take what he says to heart.

This is really tough, take care of yourself

Savingshoes · 12/04/2020 23:52

You have a right to feel how ever you want. Someone you love is choosing to remove themselves permanently from your life.
You have two children that you are both responsible for and the idea of having to deal with their grief and heartache on top of yours must be absolutely horrendous.
I would suggest you confide in friends and family that you trust to make sure that you have a good support network.
He is someone else's son, I would hate to find out too late that my adult son had these thoughts and I had no opportunity to try. I would reach out to them to help support their son if you can.
Remember that you are not responsible for anyone else's actions or decisions.

TheMagiciansMewTwo · 12/04/2020 23:58

DV and EA stats support Shadowdoor's view. A man blaming a woman for his poor MH and threatening suicide is usually being manipulative.
But as a PP said, you respond the same way. Don't accept blame. Don't placate. Contact the necessary authorities whether that be medical crisis support team or police. If he is genuinely struggling they will provide support. If he is being manipulative then he won't do it again.

Hannah021 · 13/04/2020 00:00

@PurpleDaisies she doesnt needs evidence, she's another sherlock doing remote diagnosis based on few lines of writing on the internet...

Holdingmybreath · 13/04/2020 00:01

Thanking of/talking about suicide is one thing and often part of manipulation.This isn't the case here as OP has found out her husband has been looking at how to do it.That is the worrying thing and I cannot describe the cold fear and helplessness you feel,especially with young children around to protect.
OP you need to just get through tonight then look for help for him then for you.Dont underestimate how hard this will be for you too.

callmeadoctor · 13/04/2020 00:07

FGS the most selfish act in the world, to do that to his children............................

TheMagiciansMewTwo · 13/04/2020 00:08

Holding it can be both. None of us know if he deliberately left the information for OP to find. My best friend was where OP is. Slightly different circumstances since not in the middle of a lockdown which meant the police were the best service to call.
It was a horrendous time. It was also the point where the scales fell from her eyes and she realised how abusive he was. It ended their relationship.

slashlover · 13/04/2020 00:11

FGS the most selfish act in the world, to do that to his children.........................…

Have you ever been in that position? You're not thinking rationally. You think you're a burden and that the kids would actually be better off if you weren't here.

Thelnebriati · 13/04/2020 00:13

@ Hannah021 @PurpleDaisies
I've been through the psychiatric system. I'm familiar with suicidal ideation, from the point of view of the suicidal person.

I hope that OP's husband will phone his GP and get anti depressants asap, and I hope that OP has some support for herself.

PinaColadaintheRain · 13/04/2020 00:16

Another one for immediate GP appointment or medical help. And
take care of yours too, I’d also see the GP yourself and say your husband is A feeling actively suicidal and you need some referrals or options to know how to take care of yourself and the kids too whilst this is ongoing. It’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to have your own big feelings and reaction too. However it is best if you can get out your feelings to others who can help you. He is unlikely to be able to.

You are higher risk of your own mental wellbeing in this situation and you are totally in control of your own situation, so do get as much support as you can for this. You are not in control of your husbands. And it is not your job to make him better, it is to look after yourself and your kids. You are the main carer if he’s in this crisis, whether that is fair or not it is the reality. The more that you can protect yourself and your kids and keep some resilience and fortitude the better.

There are things that you can do to help your husband, however it really is a case of put and keep your own oxygen mask on first here. And getting him to get his own medical support is key. You are not his carer or savior. This may be a marathon and not a sprint so the best thing you can do for all of you is keep yourself good here. And look outside for your own support as this is the one thing he cannot give you.

This is incredibly tough all round for all of you.

Quarantina · 13/04/2020 00:19

People who are intent on suicide tend to google for effective methods, not painless ones.

Where did you read/hear this?

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