Husband googling painless methods of suicide

[owl89]

Found this search on husbands phone about an hour ago and I feel sick and don't know what to do. I confronted him and he broke down crying. I broke down crying. We have 2 young children. I'm so mad at him. I'm devastated. I know I should feel empathy but I'm just so fucking mad. I told him to phone samaritans and he's on the phone to them now. I'm sitting upstairs thinking what the fuck do I do now.

I didn't want to read and run.
Hope you manage to get him an emergency (telephone) appointment tomorrow. If things get worse between now and when you can speak to the GP call 999 or go to A and E with him and ask to see the duty psychiatrist.

A few posters who clearly have no understanding of being suicidal or struggling with your mental health.

Give him a hug and tell him he can talk to you anytime.
8 months is a long time to he feeling this way, he might need some meds to get on track. 2 young kids is hard. Two young kids in lockdown and feeling depressed wouldn't be a good combo for anyone.
I'm glad he called the Samaritans, hopefully that's helped and means he'll be willing to get more help fro GP.
Please dont tell loads of people as a PP suggested. It might make him feel betrayed or ashamed. If he wants people to know then fair enough.
Try not to panic, many people feel suicidal at some point in their life.

OP, it's not your fault, you weren't to know.
You had a shock and you got mad.
Moving on, he needs you more than I hope you never have to realise.
Tell him how much you rely on him and the children and what a great Dad he is, he puts clothes away, many men are fuckin useless and don't do a thing. Tell him how much you appreciate the things he does.
If you love him, now is the time to be telling him.
Hold him tight and tell him you are scared, and how you can't imagine a life without him, if you feel this way.
Now is not a time for holding back.
I know it's hard with this lockdown but can you organise for some friends and family to Skype? Has he a best friend you could confide in, who could help?

He told her/made out it was her fault for shouting at him. Sounds pretty damn manipulative to me.

Wow. Someone is in such pain they are contemplating suicide, and your first go to is he is manipulative.

It's not your fault. It's not his fault. He is ill, he needs to see a GP asap.

OP it is not your fault. Please don't ever believe it is your fault. It's ok to be mad, to feel devastated. Never, ever blame yourself for this.
Your DH needs help - get it for him. Phone your GP first thing in the morning and if you feel it won't wait till then call 111.

You are your husband can contact The Samaritans at any time.

Their website - www.samaritans.org/ says:

Need support? We're here to listen 24 hours, 365 days a year.
Call 116 123 for free or view other ways to get in touch.

Write us an email
Sometimes writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you understand them better.

[email protected]
Response time: 24 hours

To be honest I would call them for advice. You could also email but I would not wait and would call.

I have not read all the comments as am just off to bed and did not want to read and run.

Please seek help for him, do not wait for him to do it himself.

It's not your fault. It's also not his fault.

Talk to him and make sure he knows that whatever he is going through there is help.

Sorry You or your husband can contact The Samaritans at any time.

This is so, so hard. You must be devastated and he must be feeling awful to be at this point. I feel for you both.

I listened to this podcast from the bbc a few months ago, and found it incredibly helpful, in terms of trying to understand how someone gets to the point where they believe the world would be a better place without them. It's an interview that involves both both the man who was suicidal and his wife.

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0004f2q

Right now you are in crisis mode. But at some point it might be helpful for you. Perhaps you and your husband could both listen to it separately, and it would give you a starting off point for having a conversation about how he is feeling?

You are allowed to be angry. But please know that this is an illness he has, and it's not his fault.

@CurtainWitcher Not helpful, who know how any of us would react?

Your DH is depressed and suicidal and your first reaction is anger? You're sitting thinking what do YOU do now?

If you love your DH, support him. He needs help and support right now.

That is unfair.

OP has been blindsided by this information. We forgive the man apparently considering suicide because his wife told him off for waking the baby, but not the wife who had an immediate reaction to a terrifying situation?

OP, he needs to engage with professionals now, and you need to take care of yourself as well as him. I honestly can’t tell you how to behave because I have no idea how I would react to this news. Upset? Yes. Angry? Possibly.

As ausual the saddest thing is that people can understand a broken leg and that will be very sympatic to someone with that situation.

As sometimes can be seen a broken mind, another matter sad to say.

Still at least its come to light, the Samaritians, thank god their there when needed!

Support him please owl 89, your man, he needs your help. Please don't be angry with him.

And i very much expect there will be a lot more before this present crisis is over:(

I think anger is a perfectly valid feeling. Imagine finding out the person you love is thinking of abandoning you and your kids and that your life has essentially been a lie these past 8 months. Of course it's not that simple -but anger is a perfectly acceptable immediate reaction. The same way fear is. Or wondering if you could have done something differently. Just because he is hurting doesnt mean she has no right to basic human feelings.

If you care about him, try to make him feel valued and important to you.

Just curious if the op is in the habit of checking husband's Google searches? That would indicate an abnormal level of control to me, but nobody seems to have noticed it.

We don't know enough to tell if op is being manipulated. Anger is a reasonable feeling, she was telling MN about it not her husband. And shinjirarenai, I know that some couples casually use each others phones all the time, so this would not be abnormally controlling.

Err shadow is asking a valid question, one that came to my mind too.

How did you end up looking at his search history? Do you check this often? Does he know that you check this often?

My abusive ex did this exact thing. It is a thing.

Now OPs anger could just be a thin veil over her fear.

Or

It could be a result of years of abuse.

Having been suicidal, it doesn't take 8 months to decide how. And that Google search would have been one of the first ones, not after 8 months.

Something in his story doesn't add up. But good re samaritans. Next is 111. Get him in a psych hospital, its the only place that can keep him safe if he is genuinely suicidal.

Incidentally, with my ex, the hospital psychiatrist told me that he was a higher suicide risk than my ex, it was manipulation.

Only OP knows the circumstances.

Thank you for the support.

Just to clear up why I was looking at his phone. I wanted to Google if there was going to be a season 6 of one of our favourite shows, my phone was dead so I picked up his phone and it was the page open. I didn't go searching through his phone history, I have no interest in that.

I also do not think he is manipulating me. He's not that sort of person. At all.

I know something has been up with him for a while. He's been stressed with work, his dad is very ill, his mum has been struggling with alcohol addition. He's had a lot on his plate and I don't know if it's just got too much.

We had a good talk last night and we talked about how we can improve things. He said he know he's being irrational thinking we would be better without him and he is going to contact GP. I've left him in bed this morning to have a lie in.

Thank you for the support.

When I'm feeling really low, I Google this sort of stuff. It kind of makes me feel better. I don't know why. I guess I'm saying that googling it doesn't actually always mean you will do anything.

I've been through the psychiatric system. I'm familiar with suicidal ideation, from the point of view of the suicidal person.

That does not qualify you to say that people who are suicidal google effective not painless methods. You have your own personal experience. You are not the op’s husband and it’s totally out of order to suggest he is not genuinely suicidal because he didn’t use the same search terms as you.

Having been suicidal, it doesn't take 8 months to decide how.

You think people instantly become suicidal? It’s not possible to be depressed for a long time and then have your mental state deteriorate? Or generally feel like you want to be dead for a long time without making a plan?

I’m really sorry for those posters with personal experience of this, but you have to remember it’s your experience. Others aren’t the same as you and it’s wrong to make judgements about the person based on that. Mental health problems affect different people differently.

Please make sure that he does seek medical help as matter of urgency. Don't take any chances. As a previous poster said, you should also ensure that his close family are aware of the situation.
My brother sought help in this way, and he too was met by anger. Had no previous history of mental illness, no obvious build up but he did have various issues causing stress. it wasn't taken seriously enough and his wider family were completely unaware. He was dead the day after.
The most unselfish person you could ever wish to meet.
Look after yourself, you need support but please don't minimise this in any way.

Sorry about your brother @Tinygem

OP I hope your husband can seek help soon and has a good GP

@owl89, I'm glad he had a good chat and he had opened up a bit.
For one, I don't think he's manipulated you either. I think he's depressed and finding it difficult to find a way through.
I hope the gp help today and can find ye the supports ye both need for now.

I'm glad you found the search, it's probably not his first time, especially if you only found it by accident, googling for something else .

Stay safe, stay strong