My friend wants to meet me, please help me explain the rules about gatherings of two people.

[peoplepleaser1]

My best friend who lives a few streets away is a nurse working in a respiratory ward in our local hospital. Her Work is currently so so hard, emotional and frightening.

She's an absolute trooper, so brave and I've been trying to support her from afar, with messages, calls and flowers.

She has messaged me this morning asking to meet up with our dogs for a '2 metres apart walk".

I'm floored at the thought. I know this is not ok.

She thinks that we are allowed gatherings of 2 people as long as social distancing of 2 metres is observed. She's now hurt that I've said no. I have explained no one should be seeing anyone other than those they live with, except when working.

I absolutely do know I can't meet her. But I want to explain this without making her feel I don't want to support her, or that I feel she's a risk to me because of her work.

Now that I think about it the gathering 'of 2 people' rule is a bit confusing to me. I'm NOT saying I'd meet her, but I am struggling to get my head around that rule.

Can anyone please point me to some official guidance or wording that I could use to explain to her why we can't meet.

It's quite simple.

Do not meet anyone from outside of your household.
Your household is those that you live with.
You don't need to explain anything more.

The gathering of 2 or more is irrelevant.

I also think the "gatherings of no more than 2 people " rule is very confusing. My son has met up.with a friend (observing the 2m rule) and when I told him.he shouldnt, he argued that it was allowed under the "gatherings of no more than 2 people" rule.

@TreeTopTim thank you.

But, what is the gathering of two tile actually aimed at. My friend has latched onto it as meaning she can meet one other person.

Just in case anyone misunderstands, I'm not going to meet my friend. But I'd like to be able to help her understand why.

She's seen me thorough thick and thin and I need her to understand that I'm only saying no coz I have to!

The daily message from Downing Street: Stay at home, Protect the NHS, Save Lives.

Going for a walk is allowed.
Being 2 metres apart is allowed.

I don't really see the problem.

@EmmaGrundyForPM exactly that! It is confusing.

Assuming you live in the countryside

I should say it was fine so long as you observe the 2m rule. What is different about being 2m away from a stranger or a friend? So long as you are both using your exercise "slot" I don't see an issue.

2m is the distance if you have to be around someone not in your home group. It won't actually guarantee you won't get the virus if they have it. Research suggests it can travel much further than 2m if they sneeze etc and the particles may also hang in the air to infect others.

If you both went for a walk at the same time, going in the same direction, keeping a steady pace and 2 metres apart, I think that qualifies for the spirit as well as the letter of the law.

Agree with Monstera, walking and keeping a safe distance shouldn’t be a problem. I go for long walks every day, I meet people, we stop and chat (at a distance). Surely that’s safer than most supermarket shopping?

I think for your friend’s mental health, and in view of her tough job, a walk in the fresh air together would be a good idea.

you are not allowed to arrange meet ups however if say you are in the street and see a friend you are allowed to say hi at a distance of 2 meters, that's all that rule allows. It just means you do not have to rudely ignore someone you know.

Just say you think it’s inadvisable at the moment. The guidance regarding “rules” (Which are actually just guidance unless deriving from legislation) and the legislation are somewhat open to interpretation. The police are twitchy though and the last thing she will want is to be stopped by the police. Worst case scenario, being charged with some breach coukd kead to an NMC referral. That shoukd be enough to put her off

Alternatively, just say you have decided to stay in and won’t be going fir walks

Send her this link to the official guidelinrs with further explanations: www.gov.uk/government/publications/coronavirus-outbreak-faqs-what-you-can-and-cant-do/coronavirus-outbreak-faqs-what-you-can-and-cant-do

Can I see my friends?
We must all stay away from each other to stop spreading the virus, and that means you should not be meeting friends unless you live in the same household.

Instead, you could keep in touch with your friends using phone or video calls.

The 2 metres apart is for the reasons why you have to leave the house - you are still working, need to buy essentials, will come across people on your daily walk/exercise...
That said there is a lot to be said for keeping people's spirits up. So do we go for our daily walk past parents house so we can wave and say hello at 2 metres apart -yes. If I felt a friend was struggling mentally - lives alone and in a stressful job for the NHS, would I coincide dog walks at 2 metres apart - yes.

I think the no more than 2 people is to avoid large gatherings.

If you are happy to, I think the guidelines are in your favour and I'd imagine this is one of the scenarios it was designed for, supporting others mental health. Your friends mental health is important and she is reaching out to you.

You don't need to 'explain the rules'. She knows the rules, she just wishes to ignore/bend them.

Just tell her you're sticking to the rules.

I must admit though that when you work in a job that requires you to have close contact with several people; where social distancing is not observed/possible; and where PPE isn't even a thing, you do begin to wonder, "well if this is so important..." but, at the same time, you also 'get it' (talking about myself here).

As with most things, the rules here are a blunt tool - I was in our small local co-op yesterday where the social distancing was being strictly enforced and adhered to. For, and by, customers. Staff, however, were overtaking/being overtaken/sat in the middle of aisles shelf stacking with no protective gear.

It's not a perfect model, all we can do is our best.

She gets it but it feels less important to her because she's surrounded by far more risk every day than she is ever going to he exposed to from dog walking with you.

You, however, are not.

Yes I agree the no gatherings of more than two people from different households advice is confusing.
I am going with the spirit which is don't meet up with people you don't live with. But if they're going to apply it, it needs to be unambiguous imo, and it isn't.

I think including the "gatherings of 2 people" bit in the rules was a mistake. I do think that it is confusing. I really don't understand what purpose it's meant to serve given you can be in a household group of more than that but can't meet anyone outside your household (work excepted)

Thank you for your opinions.

I feel sure it would be wrong to do this.

We are going supposed to meet anyone who doesn't live in our home?

We do live in the countryside. My friend has a husband and a 10 year old son so she's not alone.

She works in gene highest risk area of the hospital on night shifts.

The rules though are confusing!

Surely as a nurse she should understand the regulations more than most? Don’t feel guilty. She is being extremely foolish.

People need to stop thinking “what can I get away with” and more “what can I do without leaving the house”

I get it’s tough, and even tougher for all those doing essential jobs, I have been home 4 weeks and it’s really impacting my mental health personally - but I can’t imagine how my mental health would be impacted if I need to be home longer because everyone is trying to find little loop holes to go out and do none essential things...

Well you wouldn’t be breaking the law under her proposal. But if you’re at risk/in contact with some one who is I wouldn’t think it worth the risk of transmission.

Could you not arrange a time and place to cross paths on a separate walk? You can have a quick hello and minute catch up and keep a bigger distance than 6 feet. It will probably really help her to see a friend during this time.
I read an open letter somewhere from a woman in italy who said friends arrange to be in the queue at the shops at the same time just to be able to see each other

@Whaddyathinkofthis that's such a good point. She's at risk all day. She has PPE, but still feels at risk as she's nursing covid patients.

She needs support, and to reject her reaching out does feel very tough.