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Original poster

My friend wants to meet me, please help me explain the rules about gatherings of two people.

69 replies

peoplepleaser1 · 11/04/2020 09:24

My best friend who lives a few streets away is a nurse working in a respiratory ward in our local hospital. Her Work is currently so so hard, emotional and frightening.

She's an absolute trooper, so brave and I've been trying to support her from afar, with messages, calls and flowers.

She has messaged me this morning asking to meet up with our dogs for a '2 metres apart walk".

I'm floored at the thought. I know this is not ok.

She thinks that we are allowed gatherings of 2 people as long as social distancing of 2 metres is observed. She's now hurt that I've said no. I have explained no one should be seeing anyone other than those they live with, except when working.

I absolutely do know I can't meet her. But I want to explain this without making her feel I don't want to support her, or that I feel she's a risk to me because of her work.

Now that I think about it the gathering 'of 2 people' rule is a bit confusing to me. I'm NOT saying I'd meet her, but I am struggling to get my head around that rule.

Can anyone please point me to some official guidance or wording that I could use to explain to her why we can't meet.

OP posts:
RichardMarxisinnocent · 11/04/2020 09:49

you are not allowed to arrange meet ups however if say you are in the street and see a friend you are allowed to say hi at a distance of 2 meters, that's all that rule allows. It just means you do not have to rudely ignore someone you know.

Exactly this. Or if you need to speak briefly to a stranger you can (e.g. If you need to discuss how best to get past each other while remaining 2 metres apart) .

Whatnameisgood · 11/04/2020 09:50

There are lots of government announcements/advertisements on London radio saying explicitly ‘Do not meet up with anyone outside your household’. I agree the groups of 2 thing is confusing. Maybe it’s meant to mean that even if you’re household has 5 adults in it only 2 should go out together at one time

APatchyTomCat · 11/04/2020 09:53

if your friend asks you to meet...you must say no!

Not my words, the words of Boris PM. And I said that ^^ in my best impersonation of him

Nearlyalmost50 · 11/04/2020 09:54

I think the 2 people guidance was given just before proper lockdown- and then it stated very clearly, no mixing of households.

I was organizing a 2 metre apart walk with my friend when the new rules came out and we both backed out. None of my friends would go on a two metres apart walk now.

If she's working in a respiratory ward, she does need support of course, so Skype/Zoom or Messenger her with video. But she IS more at risk than your average person of having corona, and might be asymptomatic. The 2 metres apart thing is also hard to do in practice with dogs!

Just say 'we are not allowed to mix households'.

It is what it is, it's a shame.

LaureBerthaud · 11/04/2020 09:54

Oh just go and meet your friend and both use your common sense.

Original poster
peoplepleaser1 · 11/04/2020 09:55

From the replies to this thread it seems that the permitted gatherings of 2 people rule has caused a lot of confusion and grey areas.

I'm not going to meet my friend as I feel it goes against guidelines. I really hope she understands as she's been my rock for years.

I do think this rule needs to be clarified as it offers an easy 'work around' for anyone looking to a loophole allowing them to meet up with one other person to do anything they like as long as they stay 2 metres apart.

OP posts:
cansmellfreedom · 11/04/2020 09:58

If you live on the same street....you’re allowed a walk....2m apart. But it’s you’re decision

Spied · 11/04/2020 10:06

"Sorry, I love you to bits and you've been my rock...call me anytime but i wouldn't feel comfortable and I don't want to risk it."

Celeriacacaca · 11/04/2020 10:09

A friend is crunching data for the Cobra committee and for the past six weeks has been urging anyone she knows not to see anyone outside the household from any distance. Too little is known about how far the disease can be transmitted, even by carriers who're unaware they have it. She believes 2m isn't enough.

Hairyfairy01 · 11/04/2020 10:11

In her defence, if your working in her environment it is impossible to 'social distance' yourself from other staff and patients so I think it is easy to get a bit lax about it all. I'm not saying she's right, or excusing her but unfortunately that's the reality of it. Mentally it's tough out there. Being able to 'off load' to a good friend face to face can be priceless. However I totally understand why you wouldn't feel comfortable and I'm sure your friend would respect that. Do try and be there for her in other ways though.

ChoporNot · 11/04/2020 10:11

Explain why you cannot/will not - but why not offer to do a zoom/video call with her instead? Or agree you will both walk your dogs (at different places) but chat on the phone while you are both walking.

PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 11/04/2020 10:13

What would you do if you met her while walking your dog? Ignore her? Run the other way? Chat for a bit?

Original poster
peoplepleaser1 · 11/04/2020 10:15

@PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock if I happened to see her out in a walk I'd keep a sensible distance (over 2M as for me it still feels so very close), and have a very brief chat. I wouldn't hang around for long if I'm honest.

OP posts:
PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 11/04/2020 10:19

So what's the difference? Tell her you won't go for a walk, but she can have a quick hello and chat . If you want to be in control she can walk past your house and then it will be up to you how far away you stay and how long it will last.

burnoutbabe · 11/04/2020 10:20

Surely the 2m rule is to cover the brief 10 seconds you pass by a stranger when walking.

I'd not take it as the minimum distance to be near someone for longer than that.

BigGee · 11/04/2020 10:21

Can I suggest she goes out for a walk but chats to you on the phone (video chat, maybe) whilst she's walking? You're "together" but apart...

picklemewalnuts · 11/04/2020 10:23

Tell her you really wish you could,
You miss her terribly

And...

You just can't get round the idea that it's breaking the rules.
You are trying so hard to follow the rules and save the nhs, that you'd be panicking the whole time!

VenusTiger · 11/04/2020 10:23

If you saw her by complete chance in said park, would you ignore her, or go and stand 2 metres from her and chat?

AmelieTaylor · 11/04/2020 10:32

The 'no more than 2' was a STUPID addition/comment/clause.

I assume it was some way of getting around people on checkouts/taxi drivers etc

But it was badly done.

Given her job, she should know better!!

I'd love to see my best friend/complete rock as would many people. We're making do with FaceTime -she shouldn't even be suggesting this to you knowing she's likely carrying more than an average viral load.

CeibaTree · 11/04/2020 11:11

If she wasn't a nurse on a respiratory ward, I would say do your own risk assessment and decide whether you want to bend the rules. But she sadly may well have been infected with C-19 during her working hours even if she is asymptomatic so I wouldn't want to risk myself and my family to potential (likely) exposure.

PlanDeRaccordement · 11/04/2020 11:18

The rule is not that confusing.
You can’t meet/visit friends in their home or have them come to your home because risk of transmission from touching door handles, tea cups etc. That is a private gathering.

But if you’re outside in a public place, you can go for a walk or chat with a friend so long as you keep the 2m distance and do not touch anything. That’s why a “public gathering” of two is allowed.

I think your friend being a respiratory nurse is well acquainted with the rules as her patients depend on her following them. I don’t think she is asking for anything that is bending them.

Savingshoes · 11/04/2020 11:34

So your friend, trained in infection control and managing patients on possible ventilators etc knows less about reducing spread of the virus than you?
You must be an expert in your area of work, if the shoe was on the other foot and she explained how aspects of your job worked, would you take her advice over your own?

FinallyHere · 11/04/2020 11:37

wot @janaih said

Original poster
peoplepleaser1 · 11/04/2020 12:09

@Savingshoes my friend is as highly trained in infection control as any other nurse. So she's not an expert in this new type of virus, or its transmission. Her area of expertise is severe asthma.

She isn't nursing anyone on a ventilator- if this is required her patients are moved to intensive care which is a seperate area.

Each time she begins a shift some of the patients she was caring for the previous day have moved to intensive care, and many are dying. She's told me many of her sick patients are under 50, non smokers, and previously fit and healthy. She is terrified and has never dealt with a situation like this.

She is haunted by caring for people who she knows will die alone.

Every conversation we have tells me that the situation is horrific and I'm determined to do my bit by slowing the spread.

OP posts:
Sleepyblueocean · 11/04/2020 12:17

I think the gatherings of more than 2 people is that police will question any gatherings that are larger than this as there are only a few situations where this would be allowed eg an adult requiring 2:1 care.

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