DH has very kindly dug his own grave.

[ProperVexed]

What a star! I always knew he was a goodun. However, after many, many years of marriage and the current lockdown I have been eyeing up the patio and wondering how I can get him under it. But, in a delightful turn of events, DH decided to move a magnolia tree from the front garden to the back. So he and DS spent many happy hours digging and uprooted said tree. It is now laying on its side next to a very, very large hole. Unfortunately tree has proved too heavy for the whole family to lift to its new home so it was all a pointless exercise.
So, if DH gets on my last nerve once more I can bop him on the head, drag him into the hole, tip the tree back on top of him, and watch the blooms from such good compost for many years to come undisturbed.
It could be the perfect murder.
I'm tempted.....I think this is lighthearted...but my level of planning worries me.

Yes...just one paltry flower in the 15 plus years it has been grown in!

I’m amazed you kept it that long

Good timing though, taking it out now

My husband removed a pond 3 years ago and is still yet to fill it in. I have to admit I’m beginning to wonder if he’s done me a favour leaving it... . It’s been a long 2 weeks.

Your husband sounds really thoughtful too .

Watch your back OP. They could be conspiring against you! Sounds like 3:1

Think it’s about time my hubby did the same.

I think I will give him a breathing tube before burying him so that he can have a little think about his behaviour while he’s down there.

I knew a guy once, who decided to chop down a most beautiful mature magnolia tree,he was not a gardening lover, or a nice pleasant Monty Don type of man. People all around were so shocked about this tree killing. Anyway,he had a chain saw, and an axe, always a bad omen, and when the tree came down,it fell on him, and he was knocked unconscious, and rushed to hospital. I am not sure if this man recovered, or what happened to him,we all just missed the beautiful tree mostly.

Fruit trees give lots of fruit with a bit of human fertilizer, or so I hear.

If you do bury him, can we contact Countryfile and get Matt Baker to do a scene next week?

where Matt notes the increase in subsequent bee colonies, starling nests and newt increase.
All due to your husbands gift of soil erosion organic feed?

How stupid do you have to be to think you can move a mature tree?

Belle333 he still won't get it

InfiniteSheldon

I know he won’t. He is a man after all.

Still, I think it is important he has 24 hours of oxygen to think about his behaviour. After that period has expired, I’ll fill the breathing tube with soil and put a little flower in it, and then he can expire too!

Oblomov20

I think that is an excellent idea. It will make good instructional viewing for wives up and down the country.

Thank you Belle
Yes we need women educationally updated and on courses and relevant qualifications in these covid times.

We need current. No use them all relying on outdated brookside patio guidelines.

Oblomov20

I couldn’t agree more.

I may start a YouTube channel for this purpose.

I will film my husband explaining why this is the right thing to do and outlining his various misdemeanours. The video will be called ‘Confessions of an idiot’.

Update: initially he was reluctant, but after a bit of footsie underneath the dinner table and a few pretty pleases, he’s agreed to start digging tomorrow.

Update: he dug a beautiful hole today. A work of art, really.

He’s in it at the moment, with his breathing tube.

Got my feet up, rubbish TV on and a glass of wine.

Peace at last. Bliss!

I wonder if other countries have such a fund of comedy. Can’t imagine Russians telling a story like this.

You'd be surprised. They have a very cynical sense of humour. Have to, to survive 70 years of communism.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_jokes