DH has very kindly dug his own grave.

[ProperVexed]

What a star! I always knew he was a goodun. However, after many, many years of marriage and the current lockdown I have been eyeing up the patio and wondering how I can get him under it. But, in a delightful turn of events, DH decided to move a magnolia tree from the front garden to the back. So he and DS spent many happy hours digging and uprooted said tree. It is now laying on its side next to a very, very large hole. Unfortunately tree has proved too heavy for the whole family to lift to its new home so it was all a pointless exercise.
So, if DH gets on my last nerve once more I can bop him on the head, drag him into the hole, tip the tree back on top of him, and watch the blooms from such good compost for many years to come undisturbed.
It could be the perfect murder.
I'm tempted.....I think this is lighthearted...but my level of planning worries me.

Also worried about the magnolia

I’ve got a beautiful Magnolia tree in the front of my house so I would feel the same but this has made me smile as we were in the process of having our current patio slabs lifted and reset but the works on hold at the moment so I have the opportunity to stick my DH under the patio if the need arises (at times it has been very tempting)

Make sure you tell friends and neighbours he developed a cough and sore throat and needed to lie down after feeling really hot and dizzy.

It was a pointless exercise from the start. If the tree is that big that it can’t be lifted into its new place, there is no way it was going to survive the move to start with. Particularly not a magnolia.

Don’t be worried by your planning. I admire it. And patios are so passé.

Oh dear. Are you sure it's not for you?

I would also be murderous if someone endangered my magnolia!

No judgement here

I was explaining to DBF that a friend was weighing up the pros and cons of murder -v- divorce. Divorce takes a long time and can be quite expensive, but on the other hand, murder can be difficult to get out of the carpet and then you have the issue of having a chest freezer hanging about for decades.....

Sounds like you have the chest freezer problem sorted.

Just don’t go on any documentaries. So the investigation gets opened 10 years later . . .

Is there room for another one in that there hole

Another two...

I’m worried about the magnolia. Please say it’s ok!

What a waste of a beautiful tree. Silly man!

Is it wise to move a magnolia tree when it's in flower?

#teammagnolia

What a thoughtful man

You should read Fen Hall by Ruth Rendell.

😂

This is excellent. DH once accidentally () dug up a beautiful fuchsia in our garden but it’s not a big enough hole to do anything useful with.

Why would you try and move a magnolia at this time of year, when it's in full bloom?

Why can’t you lift it ? Try harder

I don't think you should bury your DH under the magnolia tree.

It's far too obvious if he disappears and you have newly turned earth in the back garden around the base of the tree.

My husband on the other hand. No-one would connect him with your garden. I promise to get a patio installed with the insurance money if your DH still needs a place to rest.

Very difficult to get the insurance company to pay up without a body...

You need a better plan.

You need to start gruffly coughing loud enough for the neighbours to hear and then shout, "what do you mean, you're struggling to breathe?!" It's all about the preparation at this stage. That said, I'm pretty certain that digging up a magnolia tree amounts to a legal defense.

@zalen