Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Couples who have a fairly big difference in earnings - how do you split the bills, mortgage, etc?

140 replies

QuakingQuiche · 30/03/2020 17:07

Couples who have a fairly big difference in earnings - how do you split the bills, mortgage, % of house share you own, meals out, holiday etc.?

One person pays? Both do 50:50? You adjust by % of household income each person contributes? Is it different for different types of spending?

Please state if married or not, cohabiting or not, if you’ve got children or not, how long you’ve been together and if the contributions from each person has changed over time?

Fairly taboo topic but interested in how others do it.

OP posts:
sheeplemyrtle · 30/03/2020 20:10

DH earns high 6 figures but I have a family trust so have considerably more than him, the trust includes real estate, cash etc. We pool some money but not all, we also have a prenup.

nowaitaminute · 30/03/2020 20:22

I earn just over 52k and dh earns over 63k (tax free) so he is paid a lot more. Tbh we have no mortgage and our only monthly bills are;
Health insurance-he pays
Electricity- I pay
House insurance/life insurance- he pays
My phone- I pay
His phone- he pays
Afterschool club- I pay

We are married with two dc and get paid into separate accounts (but we both send savings to a joint savings account.

Batshittery · 30/03/2020 20:40

@QuakingQuiche
Are you coming back to tell us what you do in your house?

allaboardthesinkingship · 30/03/2020 20:55

Married- I earn 21K he earns upwards off 100K ( it will be less now as he's not earning anything because of corona) All goes into one account, I do have a separate credit card as I said I don't want him seeing how much I spend on certain things and there's a direct debit that pays it off in full every month.

I also have my own bank account that couple of hundred gets put into every month as a direct debit from our joint account. I don't really spend it but it's there if I need it and don't want it to go on the joint account. These were both his idea as I felt guilty for essentially spending his money as I made so little so this kinda makes me feel like I've got my own money? It dosent really make sense but it's very sweet of him and works for us

allaboardthesinkingship · 30/03/2020 20:56

We also have joint debit/credit cards that gets paid off monthly too

QueenofLouisiana · 30/03/2020 21:05

I earn about £35000, DH earns around £59000. I inherited a healthy sum recently, which is in savings.
We share everything- one pot for the family unit. We have separate pension pots: DH continued to pay into mine when I was a SAHM. We have a few £1000 each in individual savings.
The pot pays for everything- iPads or similar are agreed in advance, most other stuff isn’t. DS has an expensive sporting habit usually- all out of the pot.
Married for 20 years.

MerryDeath · 30/03/2020 21:08

we put all our money in our joint account, pays bills etc and each have same amount paid in to our personal accounts from there for fun.

BubblesBuddy · 30/03/2020 21:23

We have been married for 39 years and were together 4 years before that. We bought a house around 3 years before we married and set up a joint account at that point and closed our individual accounts. Never changed from that arrangement and for most of our married life, he’s earned multiples of my salary. Going up to 100x more at one point! We just pay out from that account and discuss bigger purchases.

Many of our friends have one account for household expenses and then an account each. It seems to us that they always argue about who pays for what and when. Who spends more on food, meals out etc. Even arguing about not lending her husband foreign currency on holiday because it was hers and she was keeping it. We have largely avoided this. He earns and I spend. We understand our roles in life.

thequeenbeyondthewall · 30/03/2020 21:30

Married, I have all bills and mortgage (in my name) out of my bank. He moved in with me so I kept everything as it was.

He pays for everything else. Food, clubs, memberships, clothes. I save the spare from my wages. That pays for big expenses like a house improvements.

thequeenbeyondthewall · 30/03/2020 21:31

Sorry he earns about three times what I do

Alez · 30/03/2020 21:36

I earn 37k, he earns 130k. We have a joint budget that we pay proportionately to salary. Everything leftover is ours to spend but we both save quite a bit, and use our savings for house stuff.

BarbaraofSeville · 30/03/2020 22:03

When people say they discuss big purchases what do they class as big

I never understand understand what people mean by this. What about the small but frequent purchases that could add up to far more over time than the occasional 'big purchase'? Do they get discussed?

WithLotsOfSprinkles0 · 30/03/2020 22:17

To everyone who earns over 50k, what jobs do you do?

Me and my DP earn 19k each and we want to earn more

LovingLola · 30/03/2020 22:22

When people say they discuss big purchases what do they class as big

Household appliances. Furniture. At a guess I’d say anything over £300. That works for us.

myfav · 30/03/2020 22:24

DH pays for everything. I look after the DC. I sacrificed my earning potential to allow him to become v successful.

G5000 · 30/03/2020 22:34

I earn about 3 times more. Everything is joint. We both spend what we like, there's plenty left over.

reebuds · 30/03/2020 22:42

DH pays for most things, he earns more than 10x my salary. We keep our bank accounts separate as I prefer it that way, but he transfers money over for me to spend on groceries, household stuff, ticket bookings etc. We view our money as joint so we don't split expenses or owe each other money. I save almost all my salary, as I started my pension late so I'm putting as much as I can into there. He pays all the bills, large purchases, any activities or meals when we go out, holidays. He's always paid for both of us from when we started dating ten years ago. We don't always consult each other before making large purchases - we discuss furniture/appliances as I tend to do the research and give him a few suggestions, as we both want it to be right for our home. But we'll spend large amounts for ourselves without having to check with each other. I don't feel the need to discuss it with DH.

House is entirely in my name as it makes more sense regarding taxes, I also have more regular savings in my name for the same reason.

GetTheSprinkles · 30/03/2020 22:42

We used to split all bills and keep individual savings for ourselves. This continued even when married and home owners. We earned fairly similar wages & would never hesitate to pay for one another if needed.
Once I fell pregnant we joined bank accounts and now everything is 50/50. Given the need for maternity leave and the fact our child would soon take up a chunk of our resources it made sense to us.

BillyAndTheSillies · 30/03/2020 22:48

When we first had our own place, we earned exactly the same amount so everything was 50/50.

We've gone through phases where I earned more and had bonuses so luxuries like holidays and new furniture etc came out of that.

DH is now on around 75k and I'm on 23k due to changing roles (fed up of managing people and just wanted to be able to finish work at the end of the day and close the door).

DH pays the mortgage, gets a car allowance that pays for the family car, holidays, utilities and anything extra that gets thrown our way.

I'm on mat leave at the moment but it's full pay thankfully. I pay for nursery fees (small now that DS1 is over 3), council tax and all food shopping. I originally felt uncomfortable not contributing to the mortgage but when I did, I was having to ask DH to transfer me money at the end of the month so it was pointless.

We have a joint account set up but don't use it: DH has credit cards but I've paid mine off now so I have disposable income and don't have the debt hanging over my head. DH pays his credit card off in full each month, he uses it because he gets cash back which is at a better interest rate than most savings accounts.

I miss being equal, but it is only for a small amount of time and was my choice to accept redundancy and take a job with less responsibility.

Shmithecat2 · 30/03/2020 22:50

DH earns a very generous 6 figures. I don't work - I'm SAHM to our 1 DC. So by default, he pays for everything. We have a joint account. Been together 10 years. I gave up work years ago, DC is 4.5yo.

NB I would not have given up my job for his career or had a child if we weren't married. Me being a SAHM was discussed and agreed before I fell pregnant.

Stompythedinosaur · 30/03/2020 22:51

All money goes into a joint account which pays for everything and we have equal access to. All money is shared.

I find it a bit wierd tbh when one person in a relationship has access to much more money than they other - I can imagine enjoying luxuries or freedoms dp doesn't have.

Flowersforpowers · 30/03/2020 22:53

Married, kids. All money goes in to joint account, we get equal 'spending money' per month. Wouldn't consider any other option to be honest, I can't imagine being financially unequal (in either direction) to my partner.

Shmithecat2 · 30/03/2020 22:54

We don't really discuss large purchases. We don't make that many and when we do, it's me making them for our home/family - DH doesn't really have much opinion on things like that and leaves it to me. Suits me 🤷🏻‍♀️

mooboy · 30/03/2020 23:34

All money goes into the same pot - both have equal fun money - big purchases discussed - the monetary value of big depends on our finances at the time.

catcatcatcat · 30/03/2020 23:44

Share everything. Completely. He has a season ticket, I spend more on clothes. Everything else that's significant amounts of money are joint things like family holidays, house stuff etc anyway. I earn more.