Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

A thread to be a bit sad about the little things and to be kind to one another

83 replies

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 22/03/2020 09:06

Right, before anyone says it
Yes there are big terrible things happening
Trust me I know, probably I know more due to my worst than is good for my mental health
But i am still allowed to be sad an anxious about things and it seems on here currently allowing that space for people to vent their sadness kindly seems in short supply
Please can this thread be a place to let our sadness out safely and support with kindness
Little things can become huge when we're isolated and anxious about things we can't control
More than ever we need to share and support each other with the small anxieties because when this is all over we will have to pick ourselves up and get on with life and the more kindness and support now the the stronger we will be in the long term.

OP posts:
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 22/03/2020 09:08

Work not worst Hmm
Today I'm sad because it's Mother's Day. I haven't seen or spoken to my mother in six years and our relationship is broken beyon repair.
I'm also sad for my big boys who have lost jobs in the last week for the foreseeable future and missed out on end of uni and school celebrations
I just feel a bit sad

OP posts:
Kathsmum · 22/03/2020 09:12

Rang my mum yesterday. Not going to visit for obv reasons. It’s all a bit sad and weird isn’t it?

But.. daughter and I seem fine so far, food, heat, time together. Watching the birds on the garden. Try to take the time to see the positives xxx

YesItsMeIDontCare · 22/03/2020 09:12

I'm a bit sad as DS is Yr11 and I wasn't prepared for my life as mum-to-a-school-kid to end quite like this.

I am sad for DS too as he wasn't prepared for his school "career" to end this way either.

CloudyVanilla · 22/03/2020 09:13

It's completely understandable to feel down.

As well as catastrophising about the state of the world, the prospect of losing my parents and the worry of not being able to get hold of baby formula for my newborn, I'm really sad about Easter this year.

Mine are only little, eldest is 4, and we had already established a tradition of having an easter egg hunt around my parents house. Obviously that won't be happening and my DD adores easter :(

I also was going to book a little holiday in May for her birthday as she starts school in September so won't be able to get term time mid week deals anymore, and obviously that's out the window.

When we are in situations like these it's often the little things that hit the hardest

TwigTheWonderKid · 22/03/2020 09:22

I think we are all going through a time of mourning for our "old lives" and realising how many things even the most aware and grateful amongst us take for granted.

I am really sad for DS2 who will miss all the wonderful year 6 leaving activities his school had organised and which they've all looked forward to for so long. Picking him up on Friday was sad and surreal and also marked the end for me of 12 years of walking through the gates.

The other thing I guess is that with all this uncertainty we don't have anything to look forward to as we don't know when this will end. I guess this will be a huge exercise in living in the moment.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 22/03/2020 09:28

I think it's important to acknowledge people's sadness
I was talking to someone in work who had attended training that was very scary stuff
The takeaway message to very highly skilled medical professionals was very simple
"It's ok to be sad and scared"

OP posts:
LoisLittsLover · 22/03/2020 09:32

We will go to my parents garden today and wave at them through their back door. I am sad that by the time either of my parents can hold dd2 (13 weeks) again, she will be an entiretly different baby, and worry that their bond with her and dd1 will be so different

Arrakis · 22/03/2020 09:38

Some of your things don’t seem all that little @hobnobsaremyfave

I’m sad because my relationship has broken down, mostly due to a complete disconnect between us on the severity of the current situation. He has wrapped everything up with the efficiency he does everything else with, and I feel shell shocked

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 22/03/2020 09:40

Thanks Arrakis
I think working in a hospital (albeit nowhere near frontline) I feel like my nonsense is so trivial
It took my colleague a senior medic to tell me
It's ok to be sad and scared

OP posts:
Arrakis · 22/03/2020 09:43

Oh, this thing is huge, but it’s an added blow to not have one of the support channels a lot of people rely on. It makes that sort of thing feel more raw I think.
Being kind to yourself is important too.

I thought of another one. I had cancer years ago. Last check up found something they didn’t like. I have follow up appointment in a week and am dreading it. Both the getting there and what might show up.

user1493413286 · 22/03/2020 09:45

I’m sad that my maternity leave is not going to look anything like I thought or hoped it would both due to post natal depression so far and the virus

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 22/03/2020 09:45

That's why I wanted a thread like this so people can share their worries and not feel
Judged
Oh Arrakis that sounds scary
Happy to handhold from a distance x

OP posts:
Dontunderestimateme · 22/03/2020 09:49

Good idea for a thread hobnobs. I find the staggering level of nastiness from some people very sad. Everyone is scared, everyone is stressed, but criticizing people who are making hard choices, and doing their best to do the right thing is not helpful.

BillywigSting · 22/03/2020 09:51

I'm sad because having put real thought and effort into cards and presents for my own mum and milk (and having to buy my own card because he hadn't and ds is only six), dp has given the cards that were supposed to be for my mum to mil yesterday while I was in work. He didn't even text to ask if there was any difference.

It's only a tiny thing but the one for my mum had her favourite flowers on and a message inside that just so happened to tie into one of our little in jokes we had when I was growing up, both of which which would be lost on mil. The card for mil is really fitting with her style and is perhaps a bit more generic but is the sort of thing she likes. It's a bit 'straw that broke the camels back' because normally it wouldn't be a problem at all but it had me in tears last night.

I discovered this after a nine hour shift yesterday and now am going to have to try and find replacements. I can't give the other cards to my mum, they are not ones I would ever choose for her. She and mil are very different.

On top of this, a huge pile of enormous boxes of toys that had been left in mils at Christmas because we just Do Not have the space for them have appeared in the living room.

The idea behind it being that ds will have something to do with school being closed.

Which sounds thoughtful until you realise that actually, he has fucking loads of work set by his teachers, he will not be short of things to do and I have been telling people this since Thursday. But no fucker will listen to me. I am the one who will be responsible for continuing his education for the foreseeable (as well as working weekends in a care home) and have been given clear and concise instructions on how to keep him on track by the school, but everyone else seems to want to stick their oar in with 'ideas'. It's all very overwhelming.

And there is still magically nowhere to put the stupid fucking toys that ds had mercifully forgotten about but now suddenly remembers, so I have to try and teach him in an overcluttered house with lots of brand new distractions. It's incredibly stressful.

Also my dm (who is front line nhs, nurse in a gp surgery) is visiting today and I really don't think it's a good idea.

All of this put me a foul mood last night and now dp is sulking and making me out to be an arsehole because I had finally had enough and went to bed early in a bad mood and made clear to him I was upset about the cards and sudden arrival of crap we can't actually store when I've already got enough on my plate.

He is carrying on as normal. He is an industrial chemist so in the supply chain for medicine. His income isn't being affected. His routine won't change. His biggest inconvenience is that he might have to leave ten minutes earlier for the bus. He doesn't seem to get that despite dc having a school place, 9-3 hours means I can only work weekends now, as my shifts are 8-8 and there is no one to look after dc in the in-between hours, so my income will drastically reduce, and my workload drastically increase. At least dc will be safe at home. But he is an only child and he will be so lonely.

I have cried many times since Thursday night.

I know it won't last forever but my god I am sad. (and stressed to fuck. And so so tired)

BendingSpoons · 22/03/2020 09:54

I am sad my sister's wedding will be cancelled or dramatically changed and DD and I won't get to be bridesmaids.

I am sad when DD keeps saying 'can I take that to nursery?', 'It's nearly swimming day'

I am sad I won't get to meet my newest niece for months.

I am sad my parents are starting retirement and won't be able to do any of their plans.

I am worried I will never see my great grandmother again.

I am terrified of the big picture but I am sad about the details.

RandomMess · 22/03/2020 10:06

I am sad because even if I don't lose a direct family member or friend we will all know someone that has Sad

A friend and a colleague have both lost parents this last week and they won't be able to have the usual funeral and celebration Sad

No idea about how to get the DDs to do school work on a crap internet whilst DH and I still have to WFH. No idea if DH mental health is going to hold up...

So many trips and plans to see friends won't happen people I don't get to see often Sad

fromlittleacorns · 22/03/2020 10:14

Nice nice thread op.

I think another pp said on another thread that for the dparents the sadness/disappointments for our dc (minor or adult!) is/are hard. Things will pick up for our dc, but as other pp have said, it is ok for them to be disappointed that best laid plans have been completely scuppered (for the moment! must remember that).

JenNtonic · 22/03/2020 10:20

Hi @Arrakis, I think I remember your thread about your partner. How are you doing ? 🙂

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 22/03/2020 10:24

Lets make this a safe peaceful space

OP posts:
Arrakis · 22/03/2020 10:39

Oh Arrakis that sounds scary

@hobnobsaremyfave normally it is, but there seems so much to be scared and sad about at the moment that it's keeping that all rather at bay.

@JenNtonic hah, I adore your username. Thanks for remembering, I have probably splurged a bit too much over mumsnet in the last few days. I'm ok, taking the small wins, like a hot shower, toast for breakfast (toaster broke ages ago and I've just replaced it, so toast is a luxury). Cannot even focus on the massive pain in my heart, so am just doing the basics.

pitlochrypat · 22/03/2020 10:46

The celebration of my Dad's life has had to be cancelled and so has the scattering of his ashes Sad

My DS has had to forgo his 21st birthday celebrations, his university graduation has been cancelled and he's unlikely to see his university mates again - his two closest ones were international students who have gone back home whilst they still can.

I spoke to my Mum on the phone today, she is now breathless and has a cold. She is adamant it is just a cold. DS is determined to still do her shopping and deliver if but he has asthma and shouldn't go anywhere near her (or anybody really).

I'm a key worker and can't work out what to do for the best to protect DS. I'm also in a vulnerable group.

DS2 is staying home, DS1 is out at his in-laws house at the moment, I have told him he's being irresponsible.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 22/03/2020 10:48

BrewCake

OP posts:
TreacherousPissFlap · 22/03/2020 10:57

I'm sad for DS who was yr11 and had great plans for this summer. He should be at work this afternoon in the local pub, but won't be doing that for the foreseeable future either.

DM is many miles away, alone and suddenly unable to work. I have to remind myself that the choice was hers and I'm not responsible for that, but it's a worry nevertheless.

And as for being kind, can I suggest that if you have a spare few minutes you take a moment to send a supportive email to the people you "use" regularly. I've received two lovely and grateful emails, one from our milkman and one from DS's music teacher, both thanking me for taking the time to get in touch.

JenNtonic · 22/03/2020 11:11

@Arrakis Mmmm toast, food of the gods and by far the best thing you can do with bread 😁. Coupled with a hot shower and I'd say you've definitely got your priorities right so I salute you !!!
I'm sorry you're in pain. His attitude really annoyed me and I don't even know him! I hope you're being kind to yourself and staying busy and what not 🙂

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 22/03/2020 11:27

Oh pitlochrypat that's beyond toughSad

OP posts: