DD new bf is ignorant

[Notdamama]

lighthearted
So, our DD 13, has a BF 14. I’ve just welcomed him into our home, asked if he was well - YEAH, then asked if he’d had a good day - YEAH! I feel utterly deflated. Run up to DP who works from home. He said BF was perfectly pleasant and polite to him. CF!!!!

Sounds like a normal14 year old boy. Girls are usually much chattier.

Why do you feel 'deflated' OP? What were you hoping for other than am answer to your questions?

You're not really giving the lad a chance, he's probably shy.

Ha! My ds has a friend in year 8 (13 yo) who is so painfully socially awkward that he only whispers at people he doesn’t know! He also has terrible trouble with eye contact. I’m probably terrifying to him though. He only talks to my son just above a whisper. His parents are superb, seem totally lovely, and they say he’s different at home but oh so quiet outside. It’s quite extreme...teenaged boys are complicated!

He's 14. Probably shy, awkward, and very nervous. Hope his parents aren't as judgemental for DD's sake.

What did you want him to do? Doesn't sound like either of you was particularly engaging to the other.

@Notdamama

OMG I feel so sorry for this lad (and any potential others your DD may date) if you don't sort yourself out.

He's FOURTEEN FGS. Get a grip. You really do sound like VERY hard work. Lighten up. This is your DD's new boyfriend, not your new best friend.

So that’s how you overcome shyness! You simply have to ‘want to make an impression’. Thanks for the advice op. You’ve actually cured my shyness at 40 years old! 🙄🙄

Poor kid. He’s just feeling shy and. awkward. 14 year olds aren’t usually the best at engaging with adults they don’t know. Give him a chance 😳

I would have expected a "yeah thank you" at the very least not just "yeah". And yes I'm an ancient middle aged lady but I was a teenager once and answered boyfriend's parents with a thank you to questions about my well being.

Awkward, shy, anxious don't get a look in - but an insult does? Just because he doesn't charm the birds from the trees and make you laugh?

Jeez, he's 14. Poor kid has probably taken the last 4 years to be able to make eye contact with your DD, never mind a random woman older than half of his teachers.

Typical teenager - particularly male teenagers. Communication is by grunting a lot of the time, even with people they know never mind a stranger. They are new to this BF/GF lark so he won't have a clue how to behave to a GF's mum.

Starting a thread on social media about a teenage boy isn't exactly being kind either is it OP.

Go and give your head a wobble and have a

Maybe he finds you intimidating?

Forget #bekind from last week, I’ll just kill myself now.

What the fuck? Seriously, OP??? Not appropriate.

Forget #bekind from last week

You seem to of forgot it too coming on MN to slag off a child

The OP did say lighthearted, though maybe the strong use of the word ignorant is what’s getting you attacks here OP.

The boy isn’t reading this thread everyone, I think we should cut the OP a break maybe.

It’s actually a good opportunity to talk about the amazing breadth of weirdness and wonder of teenagers. They are so complex. I was never a boy...boys fascinate me at this age. My ds is such a mix of sarcasm, banter, shyness, insight, inexperience, it’s a ride that’s for sure.

Forget #bekind from last week

Alanis Morrisette thanks your for a proper example of irony

Alanas Morrisette thanks your for a proper example of irony
😂

Bit harsh to judge one so young based on the single encounter.

said it was lighthearted

saying something is lighthearted is not a way to be rude about a teenager who is probably painfully shy

It never once occurred to me that he may be shy

why not, you have children, you were a teenager once, you must know people who might be shy?

@Notdamama

troysmamma - hurrah another real human!!!! It never once occurred to me that he may be shy. I never said anything to him or DD NOR WOULD I...as I said it was lighthearted!!!!! so shocked at the attack but hey ho - I’m the worst human in the world. Forget #bekind from last week, I’ll just kill myself now.

What on EARTH is wrong with you? You posted on AIBU, and asked if you were being unreasonable, and you have a resounding YES. Don't post and ask if you are going to throw a wobbler when people don't say what you want.

And please do quit the passive aggressive 'I'm the worst human in the world - I will kill myself now' garbage. It's making you look really immature and petulant, and is actually a really awful thing to say.

And saying 'oh look a real human at last' to someone because they agree with you, is saying everyone else is being horrible, and is very rude and silly.

As I said, I really feel sorry for any future partner of your kids if you don't get your act together (and grow up.)

And seriously, your thread is anything but 'lighthearted!'

You're meant to be the grown up, OP. He's 14. If he seems a bit withdrawn, either lead the way and make it easy for him to come out of himself, or accept him as he is.

The joke about killing yourself isn't funny. You sound like you're 14.

@Notdamama I’m unsure whether your comment about killing yourself was serious or not, but don't take anything anyone says here to heart please, we’re strangers over the internet who’s opinions and words don’t matter. It can suck feeling attacked over the internet, but the internet is not real life and it’s much better to step away from the screen if you feel bad than to sit and let strangers opinions define your self worth.