DD new bf is ignorant

[Notdamama]

lighthearted
So, our DD 13, has a BF 14. I’ve just welcomed him into our home, asked if he was well - YEAH, then asked if he’d had a good day - YEAH! I feel utterly deflated. Run up to DP who works from home. He said BF was perfectly pleasant and polite to him. CF!!!!

I was going to say what @nomorepoliticsplease said. It means ignorant of manners.

It's used a lot more there than it is in the NW, @giveherhellfromus.

One of the kids in my class has yet to answer any of my questions (not classwork related) with anything other than yes,no or a smile. I've been with them since September and the only time he talk unprompted to me is to ask for the toilet. Lovely kid,painfully shy with grownups.

The replies on this thread just go to show how little people expect from 14 year old boys in family / social life. If this were a girlfriend OP were talking about everybody would agree.

No I really wouldn't. Id say the same.
Which is they're not really there to meet the OP they're there to hang out with their BF/GF and it probably won't last the year so chill the hell out.

@hollowtalk I'm in the midlands - just seemed like a bizarre thing to say 🤷‍♀️

Boys of that age are often monosyllabic, they're awkward with adults. So are some girls. I would have thought you'd have known that! Best to just accept him as he is and don't try to engage him in conversation too much.

Try asking open-ended questions which require more than a yes/no answer. He is young and possibly shy.

My first boyfriend had a mother like you.

I was nervous and shy as a teen and she hated me as she said I was rude and passed that on through her son who was just as nasty.

I got rid.

Why is he “ignorant” OP?

You could ask him about Corona virus?

That's all we talk about now brexit is done and dusted.

Haha maybe I’m not experienced in teenager!! I’ll not ask anymore questions. I wouldn’t challenge him or my DD. I just thought he would be wanting to make an impression. I must be back in the 50’s. Definitely a middle aged woman

@newjez good idea but I’ll leave it for now

I think we parents just need to remember that even though they might be taller than us, they're often still children inside and we may seem intimidating!

Make an impression? He's hardly asking for her hand is he. Leave them alone you will embarrass your daughter.

You feel deflated? He's fourteen!

He sounds nervous.

If you want teens to talk, ask open-ended questions. He answered what you asked.

Have to say my own DS did little more than grunt at me between the ages of 14 and 17. It was very weird; almost like it was painful for him to get the words out.

I remember the first weekend he came home from uni and chatted our heads off; it was like another personality had taken over his body, so strange and funny.

Ask him open questions instead

I knew there would be posts claiming that's not what ignorant means, but they're the ones who are ignorant!

If you look up the dictionary you'll find that 'discourteous' or 'rude' is a meaning of ignorant and very commonly used in at least some parts of the UK.

"Welcomed him into our home"? That's a bit Hyacinth Bucket isn't it? What did you do, roll out the red carpet and arrange a regimental salute?

Asking kids (or teenagers) questions is the worst way to encourage a conversation, it can make them feel like they’ve been put on the spot and clam up because of it.

If you want to have a conversation, make an observation about something they’re doing/interested in etc. It encourages more than one word answers, and when it’s a topic they’re knowledgeable about they’re more likely to have the confidence to speak.

Wow! I must be living on a different planet then. This boy is 14 not 4 and I would bloody well expect a ‘thanks’ after the ‘yeah’. And my dd and her mates (of both sexes) say please and thanks automatically. It comes naturally to them having had it drummed into them from a very early age. What a sad state of affairs that this ‘yeah’ is seen as normal and to be expected.

He’s a 14 year old child visiting his girlfriends mum for the first time, who decides to ask him belittling childish questions. What did you expect him to say?

The whole “make an impression” thinking is a bit cringe!

Other than that what we have here is a language barrier. He speaks teenager.