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Original poster

My son was awful and my husband did nothing

72 replies

paganchildxx · 10/03/2020 16:25

Last week, I forgot I was supposed to give my 16 year old a lift to his friends house. He rang me, and I raced home to take him. This clearly wasn't good enough for him and he sat in the car giving me all sorts of attitude, so I pulled the car over and told him as long as he spoke to me like that we would go nowhere. He went crazy! He was puching my headrest and calling me a f*ing bch and a retd c**t. My 6 year old was sobbing and saying mummy I'm scared and my 10 year old was cowering againt the car door and crying. I turned the car around and took him straight home. He stormed up to his room and hasn't spoken to me since. As if this wasn't bad enough, I told my husband what had happened and he has done absolutley nothing. He hasn't even spoken to my son about it at all. This has made me feel awful, like my husband doesn't care enough about me to defend me and doesn't care enough about his kids to be a proper parent. We are now not speaking after I told him to grow a pair and be a proper father! Am I wrong to expect my husband to back me up? Teenage son is now VERY grounded! I just feel very alone at the moment

OP posts:

TeetotalKoala · 10/03/2020 16:29

Your husband should most definitely have backed you up.

Sending . That sounds like an awful situation. I do think that it sounds like you handled it magnificently though and made it crystal clear that you would not stand for it.

Keep your head up. The pair of them are being completely unreasonable.

BlackeyedSusan · 10/03/2020 16:30

Bloody hell, where did that come from? Has he been like that before?

BlackeyedSusan · 10/03/2020 16:30

Oh and well done for keeping calm.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

10 year olds 16 year olds 6 year olds Families

WatchOutLurkerAbout · 10/03/2020 16:32

I'm so sorry you're going through this that's appalling behaviour. I just read your post to my husband - who is pretty lazy and clueless a lot of the time. His response was that your husband should at minimum have calmly walked into your sons room and remove anything of value and refused to give it back until your son can prove he is adult enough to understand and apologise profusely for his actions.

I'm the eldest of four with two younger brothers, don't get me wrong they had their moments like this but god help them when they did because they'd have all of us on their case until the really bloody apologised.

Can you sit your husband down and explain how his actions have made you feel?

Stay strong you're bloody awesome and you've got this!

onlinelinda · 10/03/2020 16:33

Ah, the keeping his nose clean husband. You have a problem, because he wants to remain popular rather than support you.

SillyCow6 · 10/03/2020 16:35

Wow, that must have been scary. Has he been like that before or is it a sudden change in behaviour? Either way, your dh should definitely have backed you up. It sounds like you dealt with it amazingly well. Does dh normally back you up?

sprinklemagicinmyhair · 10/03/2020 16:35

I'm not sure what you expect your husband to do? Yes I would expect him to back you up but he wasn't there and it was down to you to deal with. So now you are speaking to neither of them when what you needed to do was deal with your son and talk to your husband about the sanctions out in place. I don't think your husband needed to go and say or do anything after the event tbh, it's a bit passive of you to expect him to deal with it for you.

IHaveBrilloHair · 10/03/2020 16:37

Is your husband the father of your son?

Happityhap · 10/03/2020 16:39

I expect your husband doesn't want to go in with guns blazing, to your son.
He could try asking him what's caused such extreme behaviour, and try to get behind the behaviour to what's really upsetting your son.

Your son needs to know that you both care about him but that you won't accept him behaving like that.

You are not unreasonable.
Your husband should definitely care that this happened.

Summersunandoranges · 10/03/2020 16:41

You have two situations going on here.

Your sons aggressive attitude. And no way would I let that rest. What he did was appalling and frightening. Have you discussed this further with him?

And your DH sitting back and watching the show.

Has this been a slow build up of bad behaviour off your son or was it out of the blue?

CaffeineInfusion · 10/03/2020 16:44

At the very least, your dh should be expecting his wife to be shown respect.

Doesn't sound like he's very interested in family life.

Wereallsquare · 10/03/2020 16:45

Where on earth could your son have learnt that it is in any way acceptable to talk to you that way? Does your husband have a temper? Truly shocked that he wouldn't give your son a bollocking for daring to talk to you that and exhibit such violence.

How did you address this with your younger children? Having been raised with a non-neurotypical older sibling, I experienced such scenes as a wee child and it was traumatic. It made me feel very insecure.

My father would do nothing when my sibling menaced and cursed at my mother. My father really hated my mother.

Your son's behaviour is abnormal and unacceptable. Your husband's is even worse, in my opinion. Do you think he loves you?

Summersunandoranges · 10/03/2020 16:51

I'm not sure what you expect your husband to do?

This is rubbish. Mother and father should support each other as a United front. I know my DH would be appealed and dunking at this and visa versa

Summersunandoranges · 10/03/2020 16:51

Dunking? Fuming.

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 10/03/2020 16:53

I know nobody these days believes in hitting their kids, but if my brothers had spoken and behaved like that to my mother my Dad would have horse whipped them, and they would have deserved it. In your position I would seriously be considering divorcing your husband and son.

HarrySnotter · 10/03/2020 16:59

This is why some boys grow up thinking they can treat women like shit.

The OP did deal with it but that doesn't mean it's a done deal. Her DS didn't just throw a wee tantrum - he was aggressive, called his mum a cunt and scared the shit out of his siblings. No way should that just be down to one parent to deal with and her DH should have handed his DS his arse on a plate.

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/03/2020 17:35

Of course he should have backed you up. Not to mention that he has not advocated for your younger children when your 16 yo is almost as strong as a grown man. Definitely a lot stronger than you. Does your husband realise this? Is your husband also aggressive? Just wondering where this came from.

sprinklemagicinmyhair · 10/03/2020 17:37

@HarrySnotter

Woaw!

I'm not condoning or excusing the behaviour.

This is why some boys grow up thinking they can treat women like shit.

Now I know what you are trying to say, but you are actually saying the opposite. If the son needs big bad dad to deal with him because mum can't or won't then that is why he will grow up with no respect for women.

OP has been passive and is saying she feels like her husband doesn't care because he didn't 'defend' her. Well if he was there then of course he would become involved; but to expect your DH to defend you against your own son over an incident that you were perfectly able to deal with yourself? Now that's another example of why boys grow up to treat women like shit.

MsTSwift · 10/03/2020 17:38

Jesus dh would have gone mental. Your husband’s wet attitude is appalling op

Boredbumhead · 10/03/2020 17:39

I would have driven your son straight to the police station and got them to have a word with him.

Boredbumhead · 10/03/2020 17:40

Do you have a local community support police officer? I would be getting them to come to your house and speak to your son. Sometimes they need a short sharp shock.

MsTSwift · 10/03/2020 17:40

United front I would not put up with any child speaking to dh like that either really disagree with the view that the dh stepping in gives the wrong message

Boredbumhead · 10/03/2020 17:40

Don't rely on your dh op.

LoveFameTragedy · 10/03/2020 17:41

outnumberedmummy · 10/03/2020 17:42

He should back you

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