Stupid argument. What now?

[Howmanysleepsnow]

So, went for a day out today. The plan was to go for a walk round a NT place. The woman in the ticket office showed ds some places on the map. I asked DH if we could detour to see them. He said we were meant to be going for a walk. I told DS we’d see them another time as daddy wanted to go for a walk. Maybe not the best way to put it, but I wasn’t trying to place blame and didn’t see it as anything more than a factual answer (so that’s my error). Anyway, it blew up into a huge argument and we went home. DH hasn’t spoken to me really for 7 hours now except to say he hAtes me and never to speak to him again. Being me, I tried to talk (several times, I’m either an eternal optimist and believe it’ll help or never learn from my mistakes depending on whose POV you take) but that ended very badly with DH throwing things (food, nothing heavy) and saying he hates me and will kill me if I speak to him again. (Dc not present).
Where do I go from here? I’ve apologised, but it made things worse. I don’t have the best communication skills admittedly. Is there any way forward? How do I fix this? It all seems so stupid, can’t believe it’s blown up into this.

I find even this worrying:

"The woman in the ticket office showed ds some places on the map. I asked DH if we could detour to see them. He said we were meant to be going for a walk."

See, if that had been DP he'd have been the first to say right, we'll make sure we see them on the way. I wouldn't have to ask his permission.

I’m so sorry you’re in this position, OP. You don’t have to live the rest of your life like this, and I think you would be happier without him.

But to answer the question, where is the line that separates anger from abuse—I think it’s this: When you become the target of the rage, not just a bystander. When the insults are directed at you, when the acts of aggression are clearly meant to frighten you. When he is doing awful things to you, and not simply in front of you.

What your DH does, is abuse you.

Many a child who grew up in a home like this will say how badly it damaged them. Would you want your daughters/sons to grow up and experience the same treatment from their parters? Would you want them to treat their patterns the way you are treated? No? Well, find your courage, OP, and change things, if not for you, but for them.

I don’t want to sound harsh, because this is harder than anything. But none of you deserve to live like this.

I agree with SheSaidNoFuckThat actually. If a woman had asked her DH to leave her alone after he made a snide remark to their DC then he persisted in trying to talk to her, not giving the space she asked for, the answers would be very different.

The fact he said he hates the OP and her admission that to keep trying to talk about things when asked not to makes me think this is a common occurance and he's fed up with it.

I need space and processing time. Being persistently talked at when asked not to would really rile me too.

I need space and processing time. Being persistently talked at when asked not to would really rile me too.

Would you threaten to kill your partner & start throwing things?

He's abusive
Don't bring your children up in this toxic environment
There's no way for you to fix this or make him treat you better. Literally nothing you can do to improve him, but you can rescue yourself from him

He's abusive.

And tomorrow he will probably have calmed down and carry on as normal.

But he's not normal. No normal man would behave that way. And by staying and letting things 'go back to normal', you will be continuing to show him that he's allowed to behave this way towards you. Oh and don't fool yourself - your dc will see the way he treats you, the treading on eggshells you do etc.