People who talk over you mid sentence-why??!!!

[Showerpuff]

I’ve got a lovely friend, I like everything about her except she constantly cuts me off mid sentence. We met for a coffee yesterday and by the end of it she’d talked over me about 5 times. I feel like I don’t know her well enough to say ‘will you let me finish what I’m bloody well saying!’. I find it so rude though.

Why do people do this? How can she not be aware of what she’s doing? I either have to stop what I’m saying mid sentence or continue talking but louder and then we’re both talking at the same time. It’s so odd!

Do you pause for a long time and she thinks you’ve finished. Or do you never pause so she has no choice?
Does she have other social communication difficulties?
It’s quite a nuanced social skill to know when to jump in and turn take in conversation. She’s obviously just not very good at it.

Interrupting is so bad. It’s easy to do sometimes too!
You need to make her aware somehow. Sigh every time, or just keep talking so you get weird situations that you are both speaking.

I know I do this sometimes but some people don't pause for breathe to let you get a word in!

I've taken to actually asking certain people in work if they've finished their point due to them pausing for ages and then carrying on as I start saying something!
Yes they're men. How did you guess?

No, I’ve never had this problem with anyone else. I know how to follow the flow of a conversation and let someone else take a turn.

She is a big talker, she could spend half an hour describing what she had for her lunch. I can see what’s happening, I’ll be talking and it’ll trigger something that she wants to talk about or she’ll have something to contribute but instead of just waiting 10/20 seconds for me to finish my sentence she just starts straight away.

I came away from yesterday feeling so pissed off though. It’s just exasperating.

Mum did this all the time. Eventually I cracked it by just stopping talking as soon as she started talking over me. Somehow that was more noticeable than me trying to carry on underneath her, she would ‘hear’ that I wasn't still talking more than she’d hear that I was.

I think it’s partly habit, and with mum it was often because she was so keen to chat - she loved talking to people and being with them, loved chatting and socialising, and was still listening to people while she was talking.

Drove everyone mad though.

My dp and I sometimes spend more time saying ‘let me finish’ than anything else. My major resolution this year was/is to listen better and more patiently. It’s had mixed success.
Totally understand it’s annoying for you op.

Also, I don’t take long pauses or not stop for breathe. This problem is entirely hers.

I did keep talking yesterday and it felt so weird. Almost like some strange competition of who could continue speaking 😄

I am guilty of this. I really don’t mean to be rude. I think it is my eagerness to show I understand and agree. Have tried to do it less, but it’s hard.

It's enthusiasm! And an inability to think inside her head. I don't do it, but I never remember what I wanted to say if I can't say it straight away.

I hate it when people finish your sentences, so if you say ‘today I was going to go to’ other person chips in with ‘Tesco!’

No.

I’m aware I do this, I have to work very hard not to do it.

partystress I could understand that, if it was her agreeing to something but yesterday felt like her just wanting to get the conversation back on her again.

As an example Me: ‘we were looking to go away for Easter, we’ve booked a lo....’

Her ‘yeh we’ve booked to away at Easter, we’re going to Cambridge for Easter weekend, we thought we’d visit friends first and then travel on to the cottage etc etc’

She’s not trying to get one up, she’s not competitive like that. It’s as if it triggers something in her brain and she just can’t hold onto a thought.

mmm... sometimes I get over-excited. I don't blather on long, though.
Many people love to have an audience.

Maybe she has ADHD, I do this a lot I've got better at it now I know I'm doing it and that people don't like it, but it does result in just verbal diarrhoea, especially when a new thought is triggered, as you say. It feels urgent because if I wait that 10-20 seconds I will probably forget what it was I wanted to say. And/or I won't be able to focus on what you're saying because I'm concentrating so hard on remembering it, whereas if we are both talking at once, I can listen and talk at the same time which is less effort than holding a thought mentally.

It's like that inside my head all of the time (two+ conversations happening at once) so it didn't really occur to me that it would be annoying to people. I can follow what you're saying and what I'm saying at the same time so I assumed other people could as well.

Also talking is so interesting (I love hearing what people have to say) that there never seems to be enough time to get it all in, so overlapping seems quite sensible really! (Note, I try to only do this with my also-ADHD friends now, they don't mind, they seem to feel similarly to me about it.)

Lastly a lack of awareness about what is a useful/interesting level of detail to other people leads to the half-hour monologue about lunch (etc).

picklemewalnuts Yes! That’s what it is, she can’t think inside her head, it comes straight out.

I suppose as you’re having a conversation you have an internal dialogue going of what you any to contribute/say next. Hers is all external! It’s quite complicated when you think about it but it just comes naturally to me.

DS is 8 and he will butt in when someone else is speaking. He’s a child though and I pull him up on it everytime. He’s getter better at it. Maybe her parents didn’t do that with her.

I agree it’s enthusiasm. Maybe she’s so excited to talk to you and wants to get everything out. And it’s definitely a habit, hard to shake especially if she doesn’t know shes doing it. Personally next time she does it I would say something in a jokey tone like wait wait I wanted to tell you the rest! With a smile. Keep doing it.

I do this a bit. It's not because I'm talkative-I'm not.

I think it's down to social anxiety or something. It's awful, and rude. .

Your friend sounds like one of those who can't stop talking because she likes the sound of her own voice too much.

I do this and I don’t know why. It’s a habit that formed about 2 years ago that I’m trying my best to stop.

It’s because I’m eager or excited about the topic

My in-laws do this. Particularly MIL. Drives me nuts. I find it really rude and very dismissive, as though what I have to say is less important/relevant and just not worth listening properly to.

I once lived in a shared house and there was a girl there that used to do this. And if you carried on talking despite her butting in, she would raise her volume until you were drowned out.

I couldn't be in a room with her for more than 5 minutes because it was so rude and infuriating.
A few years later I saw she was married and with a toddler and I wondered if her husband was a very quiet man who didn't talk much because there's no way he would have been able to, do surely he'd have to not mind?

It’s because I’m eager or excited about the topic

I do this sometimes, I think lots of people do. I have to stop myself and apologise for interrupting, and make a point of asking them to finish what they were saying.

I do it a bit.

I do it because I’m excited that I’ve thought of something I can contribute to the conversation. I worry about being too quiet, ironically.

DH does this and it drives me mad. Mad! I don't actually mind much when he does it to me because I know what I was going to say, but when he does it to other people it drives me batty. I can't make head nor tail of the conversation as he's banging on all over everyone else.

I have had to learn not to do this. I’m not perfect but I do try.

My whole family talk all at once though. We’re all capable of talking and listening to several conversations at once and do so. I didn’t spot this until it was pointed out to me.