People who talk over you mid sentence-why??!!!

[Showerpuff]

I’ve got a lovely friend, I like everything about her except she constantly cuts me off mid sentence. We met for a coffee yesterday and by the end of it she’d talked over me about 5 times. I feel like I don’t know her well enough to say ‘will you let me finish what I’m bloody well saying!’. I find it so rude though.

Why do people do this? How can she not be aware of what she’s doing? I either have to stop what I’m saying mid sentence or continue talking but louder and then we’re both talking at the same time. It’s so odd!

BertieBotts She doesn’t have a diagnosis of ADHD but what you’ve described could fit her. She will go into incredible detail when talking too and she’ll also talk a lot about people I don’t know as if I do know them. ‘You know Sharon we’ll she was saying yesterday that her brother was looking to move jobs and Dave scaffolding has a position available but I said to her, remember what happened to my cousins when he was working for him.....’

I’ve no clue who these people are so why would I be interested in the boring details of their lives? I do pretend to be interested but it’s hard not to glaze over.

She’s a really lovely person just infuriating to converse with at times.

Im terrible at doing this. I hate it. I didn't always do it, i had a friend a while ago who talked non stop and the only way to join the conversation was to interrupt. She did it to me too. It trained me to do it to others and unless i'm really careful it happens automatically. I really hate doing it though and i know it's so rude, i also hate being interrupted. If i were you I'd stop in my tracks, look a bit shocked and not engage with what she says until she realizes she's interrupted you.

I do this a bit too. I think it’s because I worry that I’ll forget what I want to say, and if the conversation moves on it won’t be relevant any more.

My ex mil used to do this.. Presumably still does. With her it was all about utter self interest and one up a ship. Even when she was being told I was pregnant, she interrupted to spend 20 mins telling me about her niece who was also pregnant. Everything was 'I / we did that cheaper, better, quicker etc..'. Unbelievably rude.

Where I used to work there was a few people who would constantly talk over me or interrupt me mid sentence to start a conversation with someone else and I'd just be left there feeling embarrassed. I hated it. I'm not a confident speaker and it happened to me so many times now that I very rarely speak to people because I think they're not going to be interested in what I've got to say or I think I must be boring.

My friend also talks over me all the time. She'll just stop listening to me and start talking about something else or she'll walk off when I'm mid sentence. Or she'll just go completely silent after I've finished speaking and then start talking about something else. It makes me feel like such an idiot.

I do this too and have to try really hard not to. For me it’s also definitely enthusiasm and wanting to keep the conversation going. Although there is one woman I’m friends with who does just go on and on and on and if I never interrupted it would basically be a monologue.

If it helps, she’s probably thinking that it was a really fascinating conversation that you were having and she wanted to keep it going!

LameSword It’s not you, it’s them. Try not to let them effect your confidence. It’s total rudeness on their part.

I see this a bit in myself; it’s bad and the only slightly redeeming thing I can say is that I’m aware of it, and I apologise and ask them to carry on saying what they were about to say when I’ve finished.

The reasons for it are egocentricity, excitement I can’t contain and fear of forgetting something relevant the other person has made me think of.

I do that sometimes. Think it might be partly anxiety related but also because I think I know what you are going to say (not the case if you are about to inform me of where you're going on holiday) so rather than wait for what I presume I know I want to contribute my pov to continue teh conversation a bit faster.

I do this sometimes. I think it’s nerves. I feel awful afterwards!

I have ADHD and I used to be dreadful for this. I don't do it anymore because I broke the habit. I have a friend who does this all the time and I'm getting ragey just thinking about it.

She sounds like really hard work, and completely self-absorbed.

It doesn’t matter why you do it — whether it’s anxiety, enthusiasm, or a fear you will forget what you were going to say, or because someone else does it to you — it’s horrendously bad manners, and something you should train yourself out of.

I did come away from yesterday feeling really pissed off with her. I don’t know how you get to the age of 40 not knowing how to hold a polite conversation. I can understand it happening once or twice but it felt constant yesterday.

I despise people who do this. I wish they'd think about how it makes the other person feel.

There is a woman I work with like this.
It makes me feel like anything I have to say is boring and invalid because she just interrupts and talks over me. I've tried carrying on speaking but she just carries on too and talks louder.
It now just shuts me down and I don't even try to speak anymore during our 'conversations' because I feel like nothing I say is worth anything.

It is very rude. I would stop as soon as she interrupts, wait for her to finish, leave a pause, and go right back to what I was saying, ie don’t let the conversation flow on naturally from her interruption. If that doesn’t work, you may need to say ‘As I was saying...’ every time you resume.

I do this.
I used to be so shy I literally couldn’t speak: I’d think something, open my mouth to talk, panic it’d sound stupid/ overfamiliar/ be wrong/ whatever, try to figure a better way to say it, panic again, rethink again, realise I’d been sat with my mouth open for 5 minutes looking stupid and the conversation had moved on, close my mouth and feel stupid. I couldn’t even tell people my name (my name is X: no, too formal? I’m X: still too much? X: too abrupt? Oh, they’ve gone and I look rude....)
I forced myself to speak when I moved somewhere new. It was as much as I could do to talk, and I had to really try not to overthink. But I’m so focused on that, try as I can, sometimes I miss the pause and accidentally speak a bit late when someone is on the next sentence, or anticipate a pause (which doesn’t come) and talk when I shouldn’t.
I try really hard not to, but either because I’m anxious or because I didn’t learn these social skills due to shyness I really struggle. I don’t want to seem disinterested, overbearing or rude. Any tips from people who are better at this would be really appreciated (if that won’t derail the thread?)

@BobbyBlueCat I swear that's the person I used to live with! 😂

I have a couple of friends who do this. I tolerate it a couple of times and then get very exasperated and tell them to stop butting in!
To me it's like saying that their views are more important than mine. Its rude.
My mil sometimes does it to my DD and I'll say, "I dont think youngsnow had finished speaking", or "what were you saying youngsnow?"

It is rude yes but I know a couple of people I have to interrupt 1 person takes forever to get to her point and another person I know will pause mid sentence like she can't remember her words , it's like pulling teeth having a conversation sometimes.
If your neither of those then yanbu .

Sometimes when people tell very long, detailed stories I find myself doing it because to be honest, I'm fucking bored and trying to change the conversation topic.

But if it's a normal conversation, and especially if someone is trying to communicate a problem or issue then you sit and listen, some people are talkers, not listeners, she definitely sounds like a talker!

Next time you meet up start the conversation with "gosh there's this woman at my work/gym/baby group etc and I really do like her but she talks over me constantly, it's getting on my nerves, I'm not quite sure what to do?' if she doesn't stop after that, or indeed interjects before you've finished the sentence maybe best to nip this friendship in the bud. Better than feeling frustrated that you aren't being listened to.

Well, what you’re doing will be irritating the people you’re talking over, @Howmanysleepsnow, so if you’re so socially anxious, stop doing it! Can you not see how self-obsessed your post is? Why you are self-obsessed (shyness, arrogance etc) isn’t relevant, because the effect is the same — you’re not listening to the other person, only thinking about yourself and the effect you are creating. Listen to the other person. Don’t sit there planning your next line.

My MIL does a similar thing where, if we’re all chatting in a group, I’ll be talking to one of the kids or DH and she will just interrupt and start talking about another subject entirely. It’s so annoying.

But, on the flip side, I also have a friend who does a weird thing when we’re talking. She’ll finish her sentence and take a beat, so then I think it’s my turn to talk, but when I start talking she starts talking over me again as if she wasn’t finished.

People’s communication styles can be very different.

From what you have described it sounds like she has a lot of social communication difficulties. She is failing to cue you in to people she is talking about, giving too much or too little information and being unaware of social cues that the conversation is boring or she is dominating. Also sounds like she is impulsive and has poor self awareness. Non of this is her fault though, I doubt she’s rude just bad at communicating.
I would treat her with kindness but maybe distance yourself if you find her annoying.

My granny does this!!

Once I thought I’m not going to stop talking, I’m going to finish what I was saying — we both ended up talking at the same both not giving up .... it was weird