People who talk over you mid sentence-why??!!!

[Showerpuff]

I’ve got a lovely friend, I like everything about her except she constantly cuts me off mid sentence. We met for a coffee yesterday and by the end of it she’d talked over me about 5 times. I feel like I don’t know her well enough to say ‘will you let me finish what I’m bloody well saying!’. I find it so rude though.

Why do people do this? How can she not be aware of what she’s doing? I either have to stop what I’m saying mid sentence or continue talking but louder and then we’re both talking at the same time. It’s so odd!

@Howmanysleepsnow
I don’t think you seem self absorbed at all. If anything you are thinking too much about how people view you. Don’t waste your time worrying about others and just find people who you enjoying being with and are relaxed and it will be much easier.
I’d much rather someone accidentally over talked me occasionally than someone who was too worried to talk at all.

I work with someone who does this and it's infuriating. She normally butts in to make whatever it is I'm saying about her or her family and gets louder as she interrupts to ensure I stop talking. It's so fucking rude.

I do this all the time. I don't mean to and try hard to stop myself. My dad also does it and I know how annoying it is. It drives my mum mad especially if we are talking to each other and both talking over each other.

I think it's a symptom of adhd? Obviously that's not always the case though!
Dh & his mum do it and they both have adhd and are hilarious together

My pet peeve. I literally never do this to anyone and when the kids do it I ignore them until there’s a break in the conversation. My son has finally got it but we’re still working on the step-kids.

I do this all the time I have done it all my life. I try not to.
I was diagnosed with ADHD last year.

However since I have been on medication I have done it a lot less. It's having the thought function to stop yourself that helps

I have a friend who literally talks with no pauses in every conversation. I butt in sometimes as it's the only way to actually have a two way conversation.

A woman at work does this. I think it’s worse actually because she’ll interrupt someone when they’re talking to someone else and just boom her point over the office. It just shows that she thinks her viewpoint and what she has got to say is so much more important, correct and valid than anyone else. It’s extremely irritating and just so rude.

I could have written this post. Friend of 25 plus years does exactly this - the butting in mid sentence because either something has triggered something in her head or a lot of the time whatever she interrupts with has very little link with what I was saying. Also does the detail talk about other people I’ve never met.

I’ve tried a few strategies - the keep talking (she kept talking and got louder), when she paused say “as I was saying” (I managed a few more words before was interrupted again), and one time the third or fourth time this happened I just stopped talking for the rest of the time we were together - she could have a one sided conversation for hours!

Every time we met I would come away exhausted and just feeling my opinions/life was of no interest to her. I’ve now cut down on seeing her - keep in touch but just see her every so often.

"Excuse me for talking whilst you were interrupting" is my go to.

I do this too, I am trying to stop. It is an enthusiasm to agree with what they are saying, or to share my experience of whatever they are talking about. I don't change the subject, or argue/disagree with them. I am conscious of it now, and I have realised that I do it mostly with particular people... e.g. I don't do it at work meetings with clients, but I do it with a couple of colleagues in office chatting. So, I think it is partially because they are people I know pretty well, and get on with, and I am keen to respond positively to them.

I do have one colleague though and I really make an effort now to wait until she has finished, because I think I do it most to her, but I have noticed that when she has finished, and I wait a few seconds of silence before speaking, she will jump back in at the end as if I had cut her off.

(turns out I waffle on here too... who'd have thought it, eh?)

I don’t think you seem self absorbed at all. If anything you are thinking too much about how people view you

But that's pretty much the definition of self-absorption that poster was thinking only of how she came across to others, as if the others weren't there at all. Yes, it was out of shyness and insecurity in her case, rather than arrogance, but in fact the effect was going to be the same she talked over people because she wasn't listening to them, she was (nervously) plotting her next intervention in the conversation.

I'm not suggesting for a moment her behaviour comes from anything other than crippling shyness, not unpleasantness, but the effect is the same. She interrupts.

I talked over a colleague at work on Friday. I was trying to leave the office as had to pick up from the childminders. I walked in at just after 5 pm and said 'goodbye' and she started talking AT me without drawing breath about a holiday she took to Italy 12 years ago and how she would not do that again nowadays because of coronavirus. I kept saying I had to go and then 14 minutes later (seriously) I talked over her by saying 'No, I have never been to Italy have to go bye'' and walked out while she was still talking.

I don't feel good about it, but she is totally oblivious, and starts random conversaitons at random times and then just Never. Draws. Breath.

I can do this, although I try not to.

Partly enthusiasm. Also I have a large family where we all talk a lot. I am the quiet one and if I didn't interrupt would never say anything (As happened when I was a teenager).

I also used to work in a very male dominated field. I waited for all the men in the room to finish talking I'd never be heard. I remember Madeleine Albright in her autobiography saying the one skill women should learn is to interrupt more!

Totally appreciate it's rude when you're with friends though

I can do this I try not to as I know for some it’s annoying

Some cultures people talk all at the same time and I’m partly used to that

And some families do so I am used to that too

Oh god I do this and have to work to stop it, I have hearing difficulties and no one knows apart from my daughter, friends colleagues etc haven’t got a clue but I know how annoying is.

I wondered about ADHD too. DP has it and he constantly interrupts people. He gets very annoyed when I pull him up on it, saying that he would forget what he wanted to say if he didn't jump in. He tends to think other people have been talking for longer than they actually have and gets frustrated that it must surely be his turn by now. He also gives massive amounts of backstory and describes everything in minute detail.

I tend to just stop talking, like a pp mentioned, and make it obvious that I have had to shut up to let him speak. He then realises and says 'oh sorry, you go on' but his impatience for me to hurry the hell up is palpable.

Of course, I do realise that it isn't always ADHD that makes people interrupt. Some people are just selfish and think that what they have to say is more important than anyone else's views.

My PIL do this. I've basically stopped talking to them. They ask a question in order to get you talking so that they can interrupt you with what they want to say. It's bizarre.

This makes me feel sad. I've got ADHD and try as I might, I still do this sometimes. I like to think that people know me and know that I really can't help it, but some of the venom on here makes me doubt myself now. I understand it can be annoying but most people aren't arseholes on purpose. Just be kind!

Being kind is also allowing people to talk.

My Mum is like this. When I last visited I was eating a sandwich whilst trying to talk to my Dad about the car, it went like this-

Does your button light up on the lights?
You mean that one on ....
Is that warm enough?
Yes. The one under the indicator. I noticed....
Do you need a bigger plate for that?
No. I noticed in the manual...
Isn't it dry?
(Starts ignoring) It shows it lights up in the manual
I'll have a look next time, I'll ask....
It looks dry
(Shoots a look, pointedly re-addresses Dad) Sorry what were you saying...
I'll ask Roger if his is like that, he might have a spare bulb.

Cue 4 hours of folded arms, cats bum mouth and an unbroken stare at the TV, until I leave.

I know someone who does this. It’s so annoying. Once she cut me off 3 times in a row, so I her a look and stopped talking to her and then finished my sentence and didn’t talk to her properly for the rest of the evening. I think she realised. She does it when she feels inadequate about something. She was telling me how she wasn’t good at something (in a sport we play) and was implying I was bad at this thing too. In actual fact, I played exceptionally well and was the better player in the team. I tried to tell her 3 times what my technique was and how she should try and she wouldn’t let me talk. Then when I told her my technique she laughed at me like I was stupid and said “when did you do that?!” I don’t talk to her for too long anymore.

Plenty of people are arseholes on purpose!