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Original poster

I have to quit my job. What do I do?

56 replies

Beebityboo · 05/03/2020 07:03

I started a new job in a dementia facility after many years being a Sahm 8 weeks ago. This is my second thread about this (sorry, I don't want to admit to anyone irl that I'm struggling so much)

The first two weeks were OK but things have been going downhill ever since.
I was attacked (again) at work last night and I genuinely cannot cope anymore. I'm covered in bruises/scratches this morning and been up crying most of the night. I have an interview lined up for a smaller facility with better management and less dementia patients.

I'm just exhausted, burnt out and my anxiety has reached new levels. I feel a lot of shame as my long term goal had been to be a mental health nurse (not anymore) but it's time to admit I am not cut out for this job. All of the bodily fluids etc don't phase me, but the constant verbal and physical assault has reduced me to a nervous wreck and honestly, I'm heading for a breakdown.

The idea of going back in today is causing genuine panic but I have a 4 week notice period, I'm on my probationary period and may need some sort of reference for a job in the future.

I don't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated. I don't know what the consequences would be for just quitting but I can't keep doing this anymore Sad.

OP posts:
Seeitsortit · 05/03/2020 07:15

Have you had any training whilst you have been there? Have you be taught about non verbal signals?
My dad has dementia and is the kindest, gentlest, polite person.......until his 1:1 came who was new and had had no specific dementia training and was unable to read non verbal signals. Let’s just say it has never happened again (very distressing for all).

Original poster
Beebityboo · 05/03/2020 07:19

Hardly any at all. Basic understanding of "challenging behaviour". Definitely not ebough. I've been doing lots of reading in my free time to try to get better and understanding triggers etc, but it keeps happening.

OP posts:
Therunecaster · 05/03/2020 07:21

Please don't let this put you off being a RMN. It's a brilliant job with so many different opportunities. Feel free to PM me.

Original poster
Beebityboo · 05/03/2020 07:23

I just want to never go back but I may have to endure 4 more weeks even though I'm still on probation Sad.

OP posts:
midgebabe · 05/03/2020 07:27

Covers in bruises and scratches from an attack yesterday?

Why are you not talking to the police? Your employer has a duty of care that does not seem to be much in evidence even if the patient isn't responsible for their action.

Seeitsortit · 05/03/2020 07:28

Check your contract - and ask your next place what training they are prepared to give you

Dyrne · 05/03/2020 07:30

This is 100% on your new workplace. They have a legal obligation to keep you safe at work. This means ensuring you have the correct training to deal with patients with dementia and potential violence. Were you given support after the attack? I’d expect you to be able to have a full and frank conversation with your manager (not just a 2 min “are you ok?” Type check in. Of course things could still happen, but I’d expect training and procedures in place to try and avoid it.

If they are not keeping you safe then you absolutely should be looking for another job, and to be honest I’d be considering reporting them to the HSE for their poor training and procedures.

WisestIsShe · 05/03/2020 07:30

Just don't go back? And on your CV extend your sahm time?
Not perfect I know but if you really can't do it?

averythinline · 05/03/2020 07:31

Have you put in an accident form or any reporting at work.....you should be supported by your employer its not fair on you or the people you are looking after...

do the potential new employers know you are working there..? if not would just leave bee nsuch a short time wouldnt even put on cv......

Original poster
Beebityboo · 05/03/2020 07:33

Bruises aren't from yesterday, they are from one prior Sad. Scratches are though. Putting up with assault seems to be a given at this place. I know they can't help it, I'd hate anyone to think I'm blaming them for their behaviour. It still frightens and intimidates me though.

Contract says 1 months notice.

OP posts:
Original poster
Beebityboo · 05/03/2020 07:35

Potential employer knows I'm working there, unfortunately or I would just extend my sahm time on my CV.
Management is terrible, there is no support and they are intimidating and unapproachable. I'm so tired of it. Yes filled in the appropriate paperwork about it etc.

OP posts:
something2say · 05/03/2020 07:39

One month notice in probation period? Should be one week....
I feel your pain. I've just this week resigned from a 23 bed care home which I dreaded going into.

stellabelle · 05/03/2020 07:39

I'd just not go back.

Look, dementia care isn't for everyone. It's a job which many people do after years in other types of care homes. Starting out in dementia care is a recipe for disaster. I'd just stop working there, and then do some research on other forms of nursing. Working in a regular care home would be a much better introduction to nursing than what you're doing now ! Good luck !

hettie · 05/03/2020 07:40

I commented on your last thread. This place is very badly run. There should be procedures and behaviour management plans in place. You should not be getting attacked (let alone without support and debrief) so frequently. This is not the norm. Report, to manager, then managers manager and then on and finally to cqc if need be. It's unacceptable. Ask for clear guidance and training on ho to manage behaviour. If you are injured and sick,vtake sick time until you are recovered enough to go back in . Deman a proper return to work interview and raise these issues. If no resolution hand in notice.

ChipsyChopsy · 05/03/2020 07:40

If I was you, I would just leave now. You are on probation. Your employer wouldn't give you 4 weeks notice of termination of contract until you were through probation, I doubt you are obliged to either. But if they are dicks about it, it's only a reference/CV and you just omit it from your employment history.

There is nothing shameful in realising something isn't for you. The nature of care work is that you will rarely be given appropriate training/staffing levels/empathetic colleagues. These aspects are unlikely to get or be better in the future or in another facility. So I'd factor that into your decision.

AJPTaylor · 05/03/2020 07:44

Please quit.
I quit a ridiculously stressful job that I was supposed to give 3 months notice. I simply left.
I was open in subsequent interviews explaining why. It genuinely hasn't been the problem I thought it would be.
I have also interviewed and recruited people who have a blip on their cv. A simple explanation covers it.

SoloMummy · 05/03/2020 07:50

Usually probation periods have shorter resignation periods than once permanently employed following passing that period. Usually about half of the permanent time. So unless they really struggle with staffing so have an 8 week period for after probation I'd find out if it's a 2 week period.

Ultimately, if you now have another job or don't need this financially you can resign, set the date you wish to leave and if they say anything you'll know that the timescale is different. But you may get out earlier!

GaaaaarlicBread · 05/03/2020 07:52

You shouldn’t have to give one months notice on probation period it should only be one week. Seek some help at work and advise with this because that’s definitely not right . If you’re still on probs toon they could sack you without warning , so you can definitely leave with just a weeks notice !
Sorry you’re struggling so much, it must be so hard x

overnightangel · 05/03/2020 07:54

Could you look for something that lets you go into a non residential-based setting? Support worker type stuff? I worked with a whole host of different people from 4 hours a week to 36, all different types of problems ranging from very serious to minimal challenging behaviour. What part of the country are you in?

ScrapThatThen · 05/03/2020 07:58

Talk to your GP about stress. Give in your notice, you will feel so much better. Hold your head high this is not you.

Exploitedteadrinker · 05/03/2020 07:58

I didn't see your earlier post, but I work with people living with dementia, and this post has set all sorts of alarm bells ringing about how this facility is being run. Yes, some people with dementia can be aggressive, (as can anybody without dementia) but usually out of fear or pain. If this is happening regularly, there are issues with this person that would need addressing professionally and should be referred as a safeguarding issue. If this is more than one individual, something is very wrong with the organisation, and this is a very serious safeguarding concern, in this case please please report this to the CQC and social services.

If you are still in a probationary period, you may well be able to leave with minimal notice, have you spoken to the Citizens Advice or ACAS? If your prospective employer knows you are working there, be upfront and explain why you can't stay, then in future you can leave it off your CV if you prefer.

Original poster
Beebityboo · 05/03/2020 08:06

All my colleagues (who are really wonderful btw) seem to feel the same as me, that it's just the norm, and I've never been anywhere else so don't know any different.
1 months notice after six weeks employment is on my contract.
I just feel defeated and awful that I can't handle it. Ashamed, really. I feel like I'm letting everyone down but I know that the people I look after deserve someone stronger to give them the care they deserve.
The management take zero interest is the home itself and very very rarely leave their office (unless they want something from the kitchen Hmm)

OP posts:
Batmanandbobbin · 05/03/2020 08:08

I used to run dementia care facility and on occasion there was violence. Rare occasions but everyone was trained, debriefed and supported. I would support people when they first worked with residents who had been known for violence. You’re not getting support you need!!! Our notice period was four weeks AFTER probation. And everywhere I’ve worked since has been the same triple check that you have to give four weeks, I’d advice you giving two weeks and, I’d never normally advocate this but I feel like you need time to for your mental wellbeing,p self cert for a week off then. Feeling anxious and scared is not helping you or the residents you are working with. Don’t let this put you off your dream I’ve worked in mental health for many years and it is a wonderful job. Unfortunately you’ve had a terrible introduction.

Batmanandbobbin · 05/03/2020 08:11

Sorry x post. I’d still be attempted to give two if you know you can’t do it in your mind. I’ve known people to leave in a middle of a shift and never come back at two places I’ve worked and no negative repercussions came of it. Bar the people they were working with were pissed off Sad

Portulaca · 05/03/2020 08:16

What I would do is ring my GP and make an appointment to discuss anxiety and stress, mention the injuries, ask to get signed off work for a month and then send in the one month's resignation. Don't go back.