I have to quit my job. What do I do?

[Beebityboo]

I started a new job in a dementia facility after many years being a Sahm 8 weeks ago. This is my second thread about this (sorry, I don't want to admit to anyone irl that I'm struggling so much)

The first two weeks were OK but things have been going downhill ever since.
I was attacked (again) at work last night and I genuinely cannot cope anymore. I'm covered in bruises/scratches this morning and been up crying most of the night. I have an interview lined up for a smaller facility with better management and less dementia patients.

I'm just exhausted, burnt out and my anxiety has reached new levels. I feel a lot of shame as my long term goal had been to be a mental health nurse (not anymore) but it's time to admit I am not cut out for this job. All of the bodily fluids etc don't phase me, but the constant verbal and physical assault has reduced me to a nervous wreck and honestly, I'm heading for a breakdown.

The idea of going back in today is causing genuine panic but I have a 4 week notice period, I'm on my probationary period and may need some sort of reference for a job in the future.

I don't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated. I don't know what the consequences would be for just quitting but I can't keep doing this anymore .

Honestly just don't go back in.

There is nothing they can do about it.

I'm mainly worried it will stop me getting another job at a better, more supportive facility. The new place knows where I currently work so I would have to explain why I'm not working my notice.

Life is far too short. Tell them you're sick and don't do the notice. Try and get a GP note for stress but if you can't don't worry. This is so common. The idea of working with little old confused people and the reality are very different and believe me this happens ALL the time. I worked in care for years and then moved to a locked ward for dementia. The violence was shocking and you couldn't really do anything. I was upfront and just said on applications "too violent" and had no problem. I'm not at the beginning of my career either so please don't worry.

Don't let it put you off doing mental health nursing either. Whilst there is violence in them, it is managed so much more effectively. On mental health wards they are trained properly and can restrain violent patients and administer appropriate medication to calm people down. In a care home you seldom have options beyond asking people nicely/distract. That just doesn't always work if Mabel is actively thinking you've locked her in and her young baby has been stolen from her.

If I was you, I would try a shift to community care or an unlocked facility and see how it compares. You'll hopefully be pleasantly surprised and find your ambition for nursing again. Just avoid getting a job in the dementia wards .

The place I'm interviewing for is much smaller and the people are much more independent but if I leave with no notice it will reflect terribly on me .
Yes there is nothing we can do. We just have to constantly distract, ask nicely, even when I'm literally trying to stop them from getting their hands around my neck. Some of them are tragically young but as a result, still have a lot of physical strength. I'm 5'2 with the arm strength of a spaghetti noodle and I have no protection whatsoever.

This is not normal and the management have let you down massively.

Please do not let this badly run unit put you off being a mental health nurse. This is NOT your fault.

Is the home a chain? If it is I guarantee they'll just confirm dates, job title and maybe number of sick days at a push. If it's another home if you be upfront with them and they'll either be the same, think you're a whinge and just not give you the job or they'll have an understanding of the issue and not be worried at all about your suitability.

I did post a prior thread about this and was told by other mumsnetters that if I couldn't handle my current job no way I could handle being a mh nurse.
I just don't know what to do anymore. It's all become too much. My marriage is suffering because I'm short tempered and upset all of the time, I'm not the mum to my kids that I was.
Just feel at the end of my rope but really don't want to lose a potentially much better role because I can't face this place for another four weeks.

I did post a prior thread about this and was told by other mumsnetters that if I couldn't handle my current job no way I could handle being a mh nurse.
Thats absolute BS. I was told by the manager when I quit my job (after 6 hours!) in what was then called an EMI home, that I would never manage nursing.

Went on to do 11 years in older persons' care, one of the most rewarding and loving jobs I've done. 18 years later and I am still in nursing and a passionate advocate for patient AND staff care and safety. I love, love, love my job, and it's 1,000,000 miles away from that terrible place.

You've had a horrible introduction in a woefully inadequate facility. Be upfront with your new employer. Explain exactly what has happened to you and the (lack of support) you have recieved.

They will either be understanding and glad to have you a little earlier, or of the same mind as your current employer, and a lucky escape.

In the meantime, you can not go to work if it is making you unwell. Find out exactly how long you have to give, put notice in and go sick. YOU will always be your first priority. Your work place can replace you. Your family cannot.

I would just get out and report the place to the CQC , you are not failing at your work the home is failing you and its patients , Sadly a specialist dementia unit for violent and challenging patients is closing in our town , so in future they will be foisted on any care home willing to take them

Rubbish you’ll not be able to be a mental health nurse. Don’t let a poorly run facility determine your future. I agree completely with bumblebee think of yourself and your family, the place your in atm you’re a number that can be replaced with someone else.

I just don't know how to explain to my new potential employer that I didn't finish out my notice period. The new facility looks so much better for me. I'm in such a state over it all.

Most references these days just say how long you worked there, the reason for leaving I.e resigned, dismissed etc and what your job title was or what department you worked in. They are very vague.

Your well-being and health is worth more than you worrying about what this new company will think! I really feel for you, it's a really shitty feeling but don't let it get to you.

If I was you - I'd look into this 4 weeks notice period it should definitely be 1 with you being in probation. If not (strange) I'd either go to the GP as PP says and get a sick note for 4 weeks - then resign. You'll get stat sick pay too.

When it comes down to it with your new potential employer, they aren't going to dig as much as you think. They may at some point (I'm guessing interview) as why you left. Can't you just say it wasn't for you / it was too far to travel or difficult to get to / this new job is more suitable etc.

If all else fails - just quit and look for another job away from both employers?

Hope you feel better soon OP

Can you be honest? Ask to go in and meet the manager and explain.

No-one in their right mind would expect you to go in to a job where you are repeatedly battered. No-one should expect employees to just put up with clients putting their hands round their necks. No-one should be endangering their employees. Potential risks should be risk assessed, and strategies put in place beyond saying "please don't do that", and your managers hiding away. Incidents should be documented and filed, learned from and used as evidence. Plans should be drawn up and actioned to keep you safe.
Did you do incident reports when you were battered and scratched, when a resident tried to strangle you?

Go and explain it all. Take photos of your scratches and bruises. Note down dates for when incidents happened, when you asked for support or escalated concerns for your safety and document what your employer's response was. Compile evidence. You haven't got this wrong. Your employer has.

Explain that you're still passionate about MH nursing, but you want to do it in a safe environment and thats why you have chosen your new employer.

From a manager's perspective, no-one wants to hear a potential employee slagging off their old workplace, but this is different and factual. The fact that you have sought out similar employment in the same field shows that you are resilient and that you care about the job. You haven't just given up altogether.

Honestly, if I was your new employer, my response would probably be "stuff that, when can you start here?".

Meet your NEW manager*

I hadn't thought of taking pictures of the bruises etc, will definitely do that.
The management care so little about the staff. They sit in their office eating crisps and are generally rude and unapproachable.
They have also said that if coronavirus enters the home the staff on shift will have to self isolate within the home for two weeks to look after the residents. I have a 4yo, I can't be away from her for two weeks. The whole place just causes massive anxiety.

They have also said that if coronavirus enters the home the staff on shift will have to self isolate within the home for two weeks to look after the residents. I almost laughed and then I realised that I know of at least one other facility who tried a similar trick years ago. These managers depend upon vulnerable or naive employees who won't question this. This is illegal and they cannot enforce this.

I did look to see if there was any legal way to enforce this and couldn't see anything, but this is quite a new and scary situation. They aren't prepared for it at all

I don’t know the sector OP, but I second phoning in sick today and then try to get a doctor’s appointment ASAP and get signed off with stress and anxiety. Perhaps your GP seeing your injuries will be helpful in some way, in terms of working your notice period and explaining to a potential new employer that the old employers failed in their duty of care to you (and residents for that matter).

I've worked in care homes, OP, and you have to remember that people with dementia have got brain degeneration and aren't remotely in control of their behaviour. It can be managed to a degree by the home, but the reality of working in this sector is that every home will have residents capable of this behaviour.

I worked in care homes that didn't have dementia patients. You're looking in the wrong places for someone new to the sector, that's all. Find a well run care home to start off with, and gain experience and confidence - you're trying to run before you're walking here.

And please don't get signed off sick, that's a very very childish way to deal with an adult situation. I pity the employers of the people here telling you to Give your notice in immediately and ask how much holiday you've accrued.

I do know it isn't their fault. I don't blame them at all. I just blame management for not supporting me enough as someone completely new to the profession.
I have a job interview lined up for a smaller, calmer home.

Toria, she isn't blaming the residents. She said that. But her employer has a duty of care to keep her safe, and they are clearly failing in that with their obvious refusal to manage.

To a point, I agree that she needs to try to avoid sick time and use holiday instead, but to say that's a very very childish way to deal with an adult situation. is callous. Did you miss the point where she said she was a nervous wreck, that her anxiety is so affected she can't even manage her home life? Yeah, using sick time to skip her notice if she just didn't like the job would be childish, but this isn't that. This is making her ill.

If they start to get aggressive you walk away from them. Sometimes people hit for no reason and it’s non provoked but if you’re constantly near someone and you are ‘provoking them’ then you may be hit. Might be best to research a bit about dementia while looking for another job? I work with dementia patients and have been hit/punched/kicked/slapped less than 1% of the time I’ve worked there. Some of them are amazing

Well, I only said OP should ring in sick and see a doctor because she sounds like she’s sick and needs to see a doctor. I don’t know what’s childish about that.

You're right, some of them are incredible and loving and I genuinely adore them. However management keep getting more and more unwell people without adequate staffing levels or training.
Also some of them are tragically young but as a result are still very physically strong so walking away is not always that simple.
I've been doing lots of research in my spare time about it to better educate myself but without adequate staff/support/training its not going to help.

Oh OP it sounds awful, I really feel for you. @Toria70 how is she blaming the residents? She's made it clear that she thinks management are at fault.

Are the the clients that are hitting out on special care plans? What risk assessments are there in place? What methods have you been taught to manage these situations?

It's ok to leave and then if they ask at your next interview then be open and tell them you didn't feel safe or supported. Use your reading and research to demonstrate to them that you know that the right things were not being done there, and how you know this.

Good luck