Does anyone else regularly put their DC in childcare on a day they are not working?

[Hollythemolly]

I’m in the fortunate position of being able to put my 2 year old into nursery on my day off, for some of the day.

I work 4 days. DC spends 2 days with my mum, 2 days at nursery.

Sometimes on my day off, I put DC in nursery for a half day or a “school day” (ie short day) to enable myself to get chores done or exercise. And also I admit I find a full day 6am-7pm with a toddler stressful

Then I spend the rest of the day doing something fun with DC.
Some weeks we do a day trip so DC is with me all day.

I feel so guilty, even though DC loves nursery and the most DC is ever at nursery is 3 days per week.

I was wondering if anyone else does this, or if you would it if were an option? (Realise childcare expensive so this is not an option for many, and realise I am fortunate to have the choice)

I take the odd day off as annual leave and put our son in nursery but I wouldn't do it every week as I also work 4 days. If I were a SAHM I might do it for a day but I genuinely really want to enjoy the day with him that I get.

I think in your position I would feel guilty that my mum was doing 2 days and I was mostly opting out of 1 as it sounds like you send him 9-3 which is most of the day.

I work compressed hours so F/T but 8-6 4 days a week. On the 5th day DD goes to nursery and I go out running, study and get housework done. DH picks DD up at 5pm every day. This works for us as we have no family to rely on for childcare.

Yes I did. You shouldn't feel guilty about it. Balance is key.

Yep I do. I'm a Uni student, Microbiology. I have one day a week "off". So no labs or lectures. But there is coursework to be done, lab reports to write up, etc. So youngest DD stays in Nursery.

Sometimes I do nothing Uni related and just do things for me. As a single parent to 3, and youngest having zero contact with Ex (court ordered, thank fuck they listened to me and the evidence etc), I get very little downtime.

My weekends and evenings are focused entirely around my DC.

DC1’s nurseries were poor quality care so felt guilty enough using them to work!

With two DC we had a fab CM and eldest was at pre school. Cost was a factor so didn’t use for leisure time/chores, only paid work.

I had a similar work set up and didn’t enjoy my “day off” with DC2 as a toddler. Had enjoyed the time with DC1, but DC2 had lots of tantrums and second time there were preschool runs for DC1 sibling rivalry etc to wrangle. Also had work issues due to being PT.

Our CM sadly stopped minding so I went FT and DC2 went FT at preschool, which luckily was good too and DC2 enjoyed it.

@Mummymum38 that’s an incredibly Anti feminist, judgemental, unhelpful and spiteful comment.

I figure my preschooler is better off doing activities with his friends rather than being stuck in front of the TV while I do chores. It frees me up to concentrate on him on the weekend.

This seems more and more common. I've worked in a nursery and some parents did this all the time. Felt sorry for the kids if regularly done. Some of them spend more awake time at nursery than with their parents.

I never did it..........and I regret it. It would have had zero impact on dd but I honestly think it would have had a big positive one on me.
For years I identified as Seeitsortit’s mum and in effect lost myself, (her dad buggered off when she was little - felt like I had to make up for it).
Never having time for you is extremely damaging, and even now it’s something I struggle with (fortunately I have a very understanding and independent dd who gets this, and is very supporting of me now when I have doubts about if I should do something that only I will benefit from)

I just dont "get" this. People who work full time and don't have children wouldn't drop to 4 days a week in order to have a day to do housework and exercise. They do it in the evenings. Your day off work is your day to look after your child and have fun with them. I wouldn't pay to have them somewhere else so I could do housework.

My twins go to nursery 3 days a week, until 3. I’m not working (well I do work, but very few hours which are flexible). They both have disabilities and one doesn’t really sleep - we don’t have any family help. So it’s the only way to get a break. Occasionally DH will take one of the days off and we will do something together as it’s the only chance we get.

I do feel bad sometimes but I wasn’t coping before they started. They are going to be starting specialist school a year early, and I feel sad that we will have much less time together but I know it’s the best thing for them.

I would Never and have never done this.
Given that your child is already cared for by others for 4 out of the 7 days, opting for another day away from you unnecessarily is imo really sad for your child that you don't want to spend what is left of her time before she starts on the school Tread wheel which has so many restrictions.

I find it sad that people have children and then do anything they can to not spend quality time with them!

@RhymingRabbit3 but people who don’t have children have 2 whole days off at the weekend. With young kids you have none.

I think it’s fine OP. I am full time but often fantasise about dropping a day to do what you’re doing - a day to do some exercise, my personal admin (tax return anyone?!) and just catch up on jobs around the house would be bliss.

It could also be that by doing chores with them in nursery you have more quality time because you can concentrate on them 100%. I can make 4 different dishes, each for 4 people, in an hour if they aren’t home. If they are, I have to interact with them a lot less for at least half an hour to cook just one.
My kids are in nursery 6 hours per day and are asleep for 2 of those. We then spend 5 hours together afterwards and I concentrate on them 100%. I don’t have to fall back on the TV to entertain them either.

@RhymingRabbit3.... Wouldn't they? I know quite a few people who work condensed or part time hours so that they get more time at home, and they don't have children.

If you don't need to work full time for money reasons then isn't it better to maintain a healthy work/life balance?

I'm a sahm mum and my 2 year old is about to start 3 days per week, he is hard work and I think it will be good for him. Gives me a break and allows me to focus on my older son those days who is autistic and cant attend school. Even when my oldest was in nursery I put him in when I had a day off so I could catch up on stuff and have some me time.

I wonder what your mum thinks.

OP at the end of the day you do what makes you and your family happy. I personally don't see anything wrong with your situation but it's also fine for others not to want to use childcare in this way.

One thing I would ignore is 'why did you bother having children' brigade because that attitude is so fucking insulting and judgemental it's not even worth thinking about for a nanosecond.

I'm in a country where nurseries are state subsidised and therefore dirt cheap. Loads of sahms put their DC in nursery Mon-Fri from a year old!

DH and I try every six weeks or so to have a 'bunking off' day. I work from home anyway so rejig my hours, DD is at school, DS goes into nursery and DH books time off. We go to the cinema, eat ice cream sundaes for breakfast (the kind we'd never order if we took the kids to the cinema because we wouldn't want them eating it!), go out for a nice lunch, nip home for an hour's siesta and then do the school run together, and have dinner time with the kids.

When we've had weeks and weeks of feeling like we've barely had a chance for uninterrupted grown up chat it's lovely to have that time and i think it makes a massive difference to both of us.

When I 1st went back from MAT Leave I returned on 4days a week and had DD at home with me on my day off. Owing to redundancy around 6mths after I came back I took another job which was full time so had to up DD to full time in nursery. I've now found a wonderful local and flexible PT job which is the equivalent of 4 days but I work the hours over 1 half day and 3 longer days with one day off. I Specifically do my hours this way so I can take DD to her gymnastics lesson on my half day and then get to spend the rest of the afternoon with her. I have still kept up the '5th' day at nursery even though I am at home because she loves nursery and will be going to school in Sept so it didn't seem worth changing her routine too much to just change it back. On my 'day off' I deal with most of the house work cleaning, ironing, laundry etc (DH still more than pulls his weight with house work even though he works really long hours) and have the opportunity to have a bit of a break - arrange to meet a friend for coffee on occasion etc This means that our weekends as a family revolve around 'fun' things like swimming lessons and going to the park without feeling pressured to fit it housework

OP, don't let some posters here guilttrip you. You're doing fine. It works for your family. You're allowed to do it, for yourself and for your family, and you are in a comfortable place to do so. Good on you. You're clearly juggling looking after your child, yourself, your job and the house well, give yourself a little clap and stop doubting yourself.

People can be jealous and/or judgemental, both nasty traits and ignore such comments entirely.

Also the comment above allegedly coming from a nursery worker who "feels sorry for the kids". They're not your kids and you have no idea. You're also supposed to be a professional and expressing such views on a public forum bringing your capacity into it is pathetic, not professional. I'd never want such a judgmental person to look after my child, and I'd certainly never pay for it.

Erm... not sure on this one, to be honest.

I work a 4 day week. The ‘day off’ was requested when I returned from maternity leave, so that I could spend time with DS. I wouldn’t send him to nursery on that day, because that’s my time with him.

That said, I do take annual leave on the odd ‘nursery day’ (am doing so today, actually)- when I’m feeling really run down and just need to sort myself out. I would take annual leave on a work day rather than sending him to nursery on my day off.

I’ll be honest, I’m a bit at you thinking it’s ok for your mum to have DD for 2 full days- when she is older and not the parent- but you find 1 full day too intense?

When my DD was 2 I worked 3 days a week so she would be with me 4. As she turned 3 I enrolled her in pre school for one day a week on top of that. ( to get her used to a school type environment since she was cared for by a childminder). If I worked 4 days a week I wouldn’t have put her in childcare for day 5. It’s different if you’re at home all week with them and want a break for a couple of days because they’re still with you the majority of the time. It seems like you’re happy for your mum to spend all day taking care of your child but feel that it’s somehow too much for you.