My house is too small. I'm sad that I cnat give my kids their own rooms

[FatTess]

I'm just sad. My eldest is almost 15 now, 3 younger siblings

We live in a TINY terrace house.

3 boys in 1 room. My daughter who is 13 in the box rooom

There's no room for desks to do homework. No room for chairs

They just sit in their beds

My living room and kitchen are tiny. No room for tables there either.

I would sleep downstairs and give them. My room but I have fibromyaligia amongst other things and I couldn't bear sleeping in the couch or a pull out

Which makes me guilty

I'm in a HA property and have been on the exchange list for 4 years with not one enquiry so I can't move.

I'm just sad.

My only hope is a lottery win and let's face it. That's not going to happen.

I just want my babies to have a happy life.

When my youngest was born 9 years ago everything was so different. We had plans to move. Had money. He left. I got sick

I feel like a shit mum

I see kids sat at desks with laptops in lovely rooms and I feel like a failure. I can't even give them that

Have you got a garden? If so, any chance of a study shed? Is there enough space in your room for a table so they could use this in the evenings before you go to bed? Can you tart the place up a bit and get new photos?

You're doing the best you can as a mother under difficult circumstances

The most important thing your kids need is love.

Can you make a study space for your kids in your bedroom?

Op first of all you sound like a brilliant mum, the fact that you are raising your dcs alone with all the health issues. The fact that you are concerned about it also means you are a really good parent.
The way I see it is nothing is ever perfect and you have to work with what you have. I would first stop comparing as we can all do that and it achieves nothing. I’ve lived in lots of small places due to preferring certain locations. I have 3 dcs and live in a small terrace house too. If you can afford even one small thing a week check out ideas for small spaces, ikea is a great place to look. Like pull down desks, ones that you can literally fold down from a wall, small stools with back support. Lots of people on mainland Europe live in apartments and have to atapt their living space to their needs. Check out Pinterest for ideas for small spaces, there’s some really clever designs out there. For what it’s worth I studied in a bunk bed a lot as a teenager and went to university and did a post grad and still studied on my bed .
I know money could be an issue with home improvements but one small thing at a time rather than looking at all the things that need to get done.
Hope this helps and one thing I will always remember about us in our wee home is that our dcs are warm, happy and loved which sounds the same in your place

You aren't a failure and the kids will be fine!
Honestly. We had four children in a 3 bed house ..the smallest room is tiny.
What we did is put OUR bed in the box room.. literally the bed and nothing else, the wardobe on the landing and other stuff in slide under boxes under the bed! DId that for years until we managed to partition the kitchen (ironically the only decent size room ) and created a second box room there.
When the eldest went to Uni we finally moved into a bigger room.
Mine coped..and funnily enough when the eldest left she said it took her ages to get used to sleeping alone at Uni as she was used to sharing!
It didn't stop them doing well at school (two went to University...one a doctor now, one a nurse) one has just gone to Australia, currently the nurse has mved back home with her partner and the youngest will always live her as he has special needs.. and it feels a bit empty with only 3 (plus me and dh)
It won't damage them.. it is what it is! People live in far smaller spaces in many countries.

We did change our bedroom door in the box room tho..literally split it down the middle so it opened out into the landing..made it easier tofit the bed in! As long as the kids are fed, loved, warm and encouraged to do their best... they are fine.
(We live in a very very expensive area unfortunately and moving wasn't an option because of DS2's disabilities so we just made..and make..the best of it)

To be honest my dd has a desk but most of the time she sits on her bed to study. She even does some lovely artwork for her GCSE art that way. I know it would be easier with more space and money, but with a little ingenuity you can make things work. The important things are what money can't buy; love, support and encouragement.

You could move into the box room...?

We used to live in a flat and I felt like you do about sitting round a table for a family meal. We moved and now have 2 massive tables and we all tend to eat casually in the front room

DS has a huge desk in his room,I don't think he's used it once,he does all his work on his bed.

I had my own room and desk and used to study on my bedroom floor and in the living room for company. My desk was a dumping ground. Just somewhere quiet to study such as in your room, would be fine. It sounds like you are doing really well and we all have to work with what we have got.

I don't think there's anything wrong with kids sharing rooms,it's a fairly new thing wanting kids to have a room each.

How big is the room the boys share? There are some ingenuous room separating hacks online. Mostly using IKEA stuff do not break the bank things!

I second a steel shed that can be made warm.

Your children are loved with a roof over their heads and food in their bellies, @FatTess. That’s the most important thing.

When I was growing up (in the 1990s and early 2000s) I and all my friends shared rooms. It was totally the norm. I fought with my sister but we were so close and I still remember our bedtime chats really fondly. You sound like a great mum - Don’t beat yourself up about what you can’t change.

I'm in a similar situation. I do feel sad sometimes but it's beyond my control. We can't all have 5 bedroom houses with en suites. My kids home is safe and warm, they have all the things they need. Societal norms may have changed to say we all need a double bedroom to ourselves (with or without a double bed) and fantastic nurseries, a room to play in, then a bedroom with a large desk to spread out on as they grow. But we don't really 'need' those things. They are a luxury. We live in an overpopulated world. Not everybody can be rich, or a property owner. And we've made political decisions as a country that have made it worse not better (selling off and not replacing social housing for instance). There are many, many children in the world who would be grateful to live in a weather proof home with electricity, heating, running water. Obviously it's harder to see the good things when comparatively you are over crowded and don't have the things "everybody" else has. But not everybody else has those things really. It's an illusion. There are lots of people struggling for space, for money, and waiting indefinitely for a home at all (even an overcrowded one). I do my best with what I have and change everything within my power, and then I have to accept it and let myself off the hook. It's ok to be sad though. Be sad but don't make this about you. Your doing fine.

My DD had a corner desk he her room.It is covered with stuff so she works on her bed.

I had my own room growing up and was so envious of my friends who shared a room with their 4 or 5 sisters! Yes it was chaotic and noisy and cramped but it was never lonely which i was, often. My dc have a room each and would have loved to have someone to share with (boy and girl and ten years apart so wanting to share at different stages). My eldest is off to college next year and has opted to share despite the offer of a room to herself.

It really is not the biggest deal. We also have enough space because we live in the middle of nowhere which was not the best decision either.

We do our best but really, spacious bedrooms are a luxury and an unnecessary one at that.

Could you get some of these folding wall-mounted desks? - then when your kids need to do homework or whatever, they can fold out a desk, and it can be folded away again when not needed. They can be mounted in odd corners where you couldn't put an ordinary desk because they would block free movement around the place if they were permanent, but they are fine as they can be folded away.

You aren't a shit mum. Shit mums are the ones who don't care, and you care.

Loads of kids don't have desks in their rooms, or anywhere! I never did. I always used to do homework on my bed, never though anything of it.

Your kids have a home and that's all that matters

HarrietM87

I shared with my sister (out of choice) and we made up a whole way to communicate holding hands from our bunk beds. Bit like Morse code but tapping/squeezing fingers. We could probably still do it and it's 40 years on

People do stuff like this with freestanding shelving etc to separate rooms!

could you get one of thoses tray/table things you can use while sitting on the sofa? would give them a surface to do thier homework on?

I grew up in an enormous house, a bit like the one in Upstairs Downstairs I had my own bedroom and sitting room, the house had eight bedrooms. I had the most miserable abusive childhood imaginable that has left myself and my siblings with varying degrees of MH issues.

Your doing this by yourself and you have been unwell, please do not beat yourself up over this.

I think you could ensure there is one table in the house - you get some really neat folding ones that even have chair space inside them. That could go in the living room.
But, if you are worried about her studies one thing could be to talk to the school - are there homework clubs or is the library open after school, then she could get schoolwork done there.
We have more space but my dc is disappointed his room is small and he doesn't have a treehouse. We can always look at people with more and be jealous, you sound like you're doing everything you can.

Valkadin similar situation(not quite Downton!) and one of the reasons my sister and I chose to share come to think of it.

Early childhood, a room with 2 sets of bunk beds in. You could reach out and touch the other set.

Bit older - 3 single beds in one biggish room.

I survived, it never made me sad.

Without meaning to sound harsh, I’m only trying to give you some perspective. There are children, whole families living in temporary accommodation that comprises of one bedroom for a whole family and shared toilets, bathroom and kitchen facilities in what is little more than a doss house.
I’m willing to bet those families would sell their soul to have an entire house of their own to call home!

Come on op, let’s change your way of thinking, it’s glass half full, not glass half empty.

Look on YouTube at tiny home living videos, you can see some wonderful space saving, multiple use furniture.

I used to study in the green house. I got straight A’s and went on to do a degree in Biology. You don’t need your own bedroom to do well in life. What you do need is a supportive and loving family who listen and encourage.