My house is too small. I'm sad that I cnat give my kids their own rooms

[FatTess]

I'm just sad. My eldest is almost 15 now, 3 younger siblings

We live in a TINY terrace house.

3 boys in 1 room. My daughter who is 13 in the box rooom

There's no room for desks to do homework. No room for chairs

They just sit in their beds

My living room and kitchen are tiny. No room for tables there either.

I would sleep downstairs and give them. My room but I have fibromyaligia amongst other things and I couldn't bear sleeping in the couch or a pull out

Which makes me guilty

I'm in a HA property and have been on the exchange list for 4 years with not one enquiry so I can't move.

I'm just sad.

My only hope is a lottery win and let's face it. That's not going to happen.

I just want my babies to have a happy life.

When my youngest was born 9 years ago everything was so different. We had plans to move. Had money. He left. I got sick

I feel like a shit mum

I see kids sat at desks with laptops in lovely rooms and I feel like a failure. I can't even give them that

Firstly, none of this is the end of the world, please don't worry about it.

Could you move into the box room? Just your bed, leave wardrobes etc where they are?

What do the boys sleep in? Bunk beds and a single? Could you swap the single for another high sleeper with a desk under?

Final one, have you considered a house swap? You might find an older couple looking to downsize you could swap with.

A HA house is a valuable thing! Sorry you don't feel lucky but if you were in the private rented sector with four kids, it would be an absolute nightmare- you'd be paying more than double and moved on whenever your landlord felt like it.

Whatever you do here, you are there permanently and you have lower rent. It must be frustrating not to have the space you'd like but your children are not unfortunate, they are better off than many many children in shitty private rentals or temporary accommodation (I know several like this).

It also means you can make changes and stay there- as people have said, what about you using the tiny bedroom yourself? We had a one bed with a baby and put the baby in the bedroom and slept in the lounge, I see you can't do that as you are ill but you could be in a different bedroom.

It is shit when you feel everyone else has so much, but you have given them stable secure housing, which is not nothing. I think you are feeling it as they grow older and the house shrinks by comparison!

I spend a lot of time in India and they have a totally different approach to living space. Family all lives together and they dont have their own rooms per se, but all pile in together. It is close and caring. It was a shock to me at first but quickly made me realise how some of the things we expect or think are normal, are actually just cultural. It sounds like your kids have a loving home. They will think fondly of all being together, when they grow up.

My three DC all shared one room. All did brilliantly at school and are now at top universities/starting careers.

I don't even have a house yet so I think you're lucky!

I'm stuck renting a ridiculously overpriced 1 bedroom flat - want to have a baby soon and fear I'll be stuck there for who knows how long!

If we do buy - the biggest we will get is a 2 bed!

Kids don't need their own rooms though - you're doing a better job than me at at least having a house!

I could be thrown out of my rental at any time

There are loads in worse situations I have 2 sharing my room atm. When your son is 16 you will be able to apply for housing as he can't share but 4 beds are scarce he will orobably be left home by then. We are eventually going to build a summerhouse/annex type thing for my son in a couple of years.

What lovely supportive replies there are here.

I can echo that I had a desk as a kid but never used it, always worked on the bed.

My kids share too, in a tiny room that just fits one bunk and one wardrobe and when I'm feeling glum I think it's better to be squashed with financial pressure being lower than spaced out but under the pressure of a huge mortgage!

I second the idea of really seeing if there is space downstairs for a small folding table to use as a hot desk for when someone needs that bit of flat surface? They just plonk themselves down with pencil case and go.
We asked our DD if she wanted a desk in her bedroom lucky to have a space for it but she said no it’s her relax space not work space and she comes downstairs to a desk we all use of she needs to.

Giving your kids a loving home is more important than giving them a big house.

Do you have a bit of spare cash? There are lots of sofa beds as comfortable as beds: try as many as you can before discounting the idea. If not, think about swapping into the box room yourself.

We were trawling around junk shops recently and my DD was very taken with the bureaus that conceal a desk. You could swap out a chest of drawers for one.

www.google.co.uk/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.shpock.com%2Fen-gb%2Fi%2FVs__Onxtg5pLVsTt%2Fvintage-bureau-with-drawers&psig=AOvVaw2StUb_7guuqkfSO-mfFVc7&ust=1583416005207000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAIQjRxqFwoTCNje-MD6gOgCFQAAAAAdAAAAABA

Or how about a folding table and chair you could stash behind a sofa or under a bed?

This wee chap is meant to go at the end of a sofa or could be behind a bed - the legs are designed to slide under. We have our laptop on one. £15

Some great replies on here and I want to echo that all the children need right now is a safe and warm home. Study can be done in their beds, on the sofa, on the dining table etc.

I know you don't feel lucky but you are. A 3 bed HA house?!! We are stuck in private rented paying well over 50% of our income and can't afford to move from 2 bed to 3. We have 2DC and a pet.

I shared a room with two siblings up until about 12 years old, looking back it was great. Didn't dislike it at all.
I agree with pp for you to look for some space saving furniture.

You are a wonderful mother, I worry terribly about not giving mine their own room and they are both girls I feel like I let them down, when my eldest went to secondary school decided we need to make a sensible room with desk and chairs, for long thing from Ikea so they both can sit at it, she’s used it probably a handful of times for homework I don’t know why I bothered.

As long as they know they are loved, warm, fed and in a safe place that’s all that matters don’t worry about having desks and tables.

I often find the smaller one curled up with bigger one in the mornings so even having separate rooms they’d end up back together.

I grew up as one of 6 kids, with our two parents, in a 3 bed highrise flat. No desk space, but passed all my exams and did just fine either working aat the kitchen table, or on my bed with a large plank of wood on my knees (was actually known as the homework board in our house).
Your support and encouragement will count for so much more than any amount of space or a fancy desk.
It also taught us to be more considerate of others, as the space was shared, and to work despite distraction.

A friend of mine was one of eight children, two parents, in a small 3-bed house, no garden. Four children in bunks in one room. Two children in bunks in box room. Two children in bunks in parents’ room. All the children grew up to get professional jobs.

I feel your pain op. Not so much for the living space, but seeing other families going on holiday, driving cars, wearing decent clothing and doing activities I came from shit also and sometimes watch middle class families and feel pangs of envy.

As pp have said, a grand home and wads of cash do not make a happy home. We rock up to the free events at the children's centre in our primark clothing and have to get the bus everywhere. But, we are safe, warm, happy and every year things get a tiny bit better. Ex DP is off living his best life, but fuck him. Material things can't compete with a house full of happy children.

OP you are doing a good job of being a mum if your DC are happy and thriving. Don't worry about them not having a room each. Not every child does. I had to share with a sibling 10 years younger.

You could go in the box room. Let your DD have your room (i'm guessing it's the mid sized room? ) but on the proviso that the desk space in there can be used by your older DS too. Maybe make them compile a rota though.

Have a clear out of excess 'stuff'. It is surprising how much better it can feel and look without having every cupboard stuffed with old toys/clothes/junk. I bin everything unfortunately DH and DS don't do the same

It is almost Spring. Time to look forward and, I know it sounds twee sorry, appreciate what you DO have not what you don't.

Have some

Where do you see all these kids sitting at their desks in their bedrooms?

Dc1 has a desk in their room. Never uses it.
Sits on the floor and rests on a 2018 Harry Potter annual
Dc2 is in box room. No room for a desk. Sits on bed and manages fine.

We shared rooms, it was normal then especially if there were 3+ kids. I didn't know a single person who had a 4 bed house. To be honest many people would love your house, your kids have a permanent home and are happy. My kids always did homework at the kitchen table despite have desks btw. Yes mine have their own rooms but I only have 2 kids.

I genuinely don’t get the guilt about not giving children there own rooms and I think it’s a fairly new phenomenon that children should have there own rooms!
I live in a small two bed terraced that I have worked so hard to buy! My kids have heating, clothes and food I don’t get why I should be sad they share a room?!
There is a six year age gap between my two and we have separated the biggest room so they have half each (dividers from b and q) they each have a bed in there and there is no room for anything else, but it is what it is. I can’t afford a bigger house and I feel happy with myself that at least my kids have a roof over there head! It’s not going to scar them for life!!!

I moved to sleep downstairs last year to give my children separate rooms, and have a fab bed from Sofabed Barn, memory foam mattress, sooo comfy!

Yes, it’s easy to compare your circs with what others have materially, but you don’t know whether they’ve got love and health and supportive parents. Sadly, what looks shiny from the outside can be rotten at the core...

I grew up sharing a room with 2 sisters and my brother. 2 sets of bunk beds and we had a whale of a time (in between arguments). My 3 DC each have their own room and the 2 youngest ds are always begging to go to bed in one room together!!

We have a study and a dining room table. Kids never sit at the desks to work.

I think you are focusing on this too much. Yes it's nice to have more space, but you don't so try not to worry.

Same as the others. We private rent with four kids and pay a fortune. We would love a social housing house whatever size but unlikely to get one. Mine share. No choice. . Sometimes feel guilty but then again they are loved and looked after!

Can't offer advice but if it helps two of mine share by choice - it's not an awful thing to inflict on the kids. The only thing I'd suggest is looking to see if you can fit some sort of study area anywhere, as pp have said there are some great ikea hacks.

How about you go in the box room to free up some bedroom space for a desk?