MIL Is she being too much? Please help!!

[Cwtchymumma]

So I gave birth to my first beautiful baby boy 7.5 months ago. I’m lucky enough to have the full year off on maternity leave! I need you to know that I am IN awe of my baby. I can’t and hate being without him, he is now my world and each day revolves around him. Me and my OH have been together for 2.5 years and me and his mum have always had a great relationship. However, she has become quite a lot recently with my DS. She see’s him about once/twice a week with me there, she has plenty of cuddles, feeds him while I’m there everything. I don’t really interfere unless he is getting a little upset or my MIL needs to do something. About a month or so ago she said she “wants him for a full day to herself without me”.... a little taken back by it I reluctantly accepted. I dropped him off in the morning and wrote down his feeds, amounts and provided her with everything she needed. I came home without him and just cried, I didn’t know what to do with myself. (Ended up doing bits around the house because everyone’s at work). I picked him up and she handed me a piece of paper with his feeds on. My son has 7oz every 2 hours at this point. She said “I fed him at 10am, 7oz. Then I took him out and gave him a top up at 12 of 2oz?!?!? And that’s all the milk he’s had....I picked him up at 4.30pm!!!!!!!! He was dribbling chewing on my shoulder and clearly hungry!?! But because she had gone out to see other family with him she just didn’t feed him?? She has since had him over night and again completely disregarded my routine I’ve worked so hard to implement. She’s asked again this week to have him again for a full day?!? Even though she’s seen him trove last week and saw him yesterday. Not only do I not want to because I don’t like being without him, but because she’s disregarding my routine. I ha e no idea how to approach it? I am happy for her to come to ours 2 times a week in happy to take my DS to her, meet her out but I don’t want her to have him for a full day. She even got standoffish when she found out my parents are having him for the first time EVER next week?! It’s too much! I’m not one for confrontation and do not want to rock the boat but I’m pretty sure this isn’t normal? HELP!!

Imo she has had 2 great opportunities to respect your wishes and be grateful for your generosity.. And she screwed up..
No more chances op..
Your baby is more important than her wishes to play house...
Your tears aside - a bit dramatic sorry - but she has no plans to adhere to your schedule in any way...
We all do things differently I appreciate but feeding a baby is pretty fucking basic...

I’d have been really, really pissed off.

I’ve looked after friends babies and I have followed their instructions/routines to the letter. I’d expect a family member to do that as well.

I wouldn’t trust someone who has not followed the mothers requests twice now.

You Do not need to leave your baby. I feel like this has become a recent thing - insisting mums need time away and babies need to spend one on one time with other people. But if you don't want to leave him.... Don't leave him! Especially with someone who has shown she doesn't follow your wishes or take proper care of your baby.

Just in the future say you don't need time away from him and are happy just to spend time with her so she can see the baby.

No more chances OP, if you hate it so much you shouldn't have to do it, he is YOUR baby, you decide. No one looked after my daughter for the day/overnight until she was 2.5
She clearly either isn't paying attention to the time or is disregarding your routing, both not on.

You know you can actually say no. You can actually say ‘you don’t feed him enough or keep him to his routine’.

When you push past your mental block of being shit scared of upsetting her - life will be a lot easier.

No one needs overnights with babies this age!! Stand up for yourself!!

No is a complete sentence.

Just say no, it's not working for you.

Your baby, your rules. You will need to be firm.

He's not a toy he is a person. I don't understand this obsession some grandparents have to look after the grandchildren alone. Just do what is best for your baby. If you don't want to leave him don't

Why does she need to have him without you there, what does she want to do that she doesn’t want you to see? Woman up and say no, he’s your baby and you should be enjoying your maternity leave not spending it without your baby when you don’t want to.

It is not unreasonable not to want to leave your baby for a day and you should just say you dont want to do it, if you were breast feeding itt would happen

Is he on solids???

I bet she fed him food that’s why there was a lot of milk left.

I remember my ex mother in law looking after my FOUR month old and when I got her home baby sneezed and a piece of spaghetti came out of her nose. She’d fed her spaghetti bolagnaise. Was so upset I was waiting till she was six months to feed her solids

Well, you either tackle it head on, and tell her that since she didn’t stick to your routine, she won’t be in sole charge again. Or, you just keep a drip-drip-drip of ‘No, that’s not going to work for us’ every time she asks.

He's very tiny still. My 10mo has been with me pretty much 24/7 since he was born apart from the occasional 2 hour stint with DH. My 3.5 yo has never stayed the night away and DH came home every night when I was in hospital having DS2 to do his bedtime routine and sort him out overnight.

You don't have to leave him and certainly not for a whole day or overnight. If you're happy to leave him for an hour or 2 then do that. If you would prefer not to leave him at all then don't. You and your DP are in charge here, he is your baby.

What does your DP say about it?

Stop letting her look after your baby, she's not looking after him properly.

If she gets stroppy just ignore her. I'd be fuming. No one has the right to 1:1 time with a baby but it's parents. Anyone else who gets to is being given a massive gift and needs to take care of them properly.

^That. A lot of you know how closely DW and I were involved with our DGS from birth.. His parents' word was law, nothing to be altered without getting permission first.

That's why we're allowed to give him ice cream for breakfast now

Stand up for your baby!!
Why would you let someone look after him badly when it is completely unnecessary?! I don’t understand what you are afraid of, just say NO for goodness sake.

No-one is having our baby all day apart from nursery when I go back to work. We have no plans to leave her overnight with anyone either.

Thank you everyone for your posts! My OH says “don’t be one of ‘those’ mothers that hogs their baby” he’s not supportive in it at all which makes me feel really alone in the situation. Hence coming to you guys! (Who have helped me so much). What I have said because she text my OH earlier to say “she’s not text me back, am I not aloud the baby anymore or something??” CRAZY!!! So I text her saying because of his routines and naps I’ll drop him off at 1 and pick him up at 4. She’s an incredibly sensitive woman and this is why it’s so hard to say how I truly feel which is BACK OFF!! @NoMorePoliticsPlease I did breastfeed up to 4.5 months.

My question is, how do I word it?? Without rocking the boat but getting my point across.

No, rock the boat as hard as you dare. "Hogging the baby", ffs! He's your life, and much more importantly, you're his.

I would explain that you are concerned that she didn’t follow your feeding schedule twice and that baby was out of sorts in the evening because of it. As his mum you sometimes have to ‘rock the boat’ to protect your child since they can’t advocate for themselves.

I think you probably need to have a chat with your DP as well. He doesn't need to "get it" as such or feel the same as you do about it. The point is you don't feel comfortable leaving your (very small) baby for extended periods of time. It's for to feel that way and he needs to support you. You are not stopping them spending time together. What does she want to do with him that she can't do when you're there?

The thing is, you don't really want to leave him for a whole day even if she did follow your routines I don't think? So I'd just say you're grateful for the offer of help but you want to make the most of your last few months of maternity leave and don't want to leave him for a whole day or overnight at the moment as it felt like too much.

Then offer whatever you do feel comfortable with. Don't negotiate beyond that, she doesn't have to be happy about it she just has to accept it.

@Sunshinegirl82 GREAT answer!! 👏🏼👌🏼It’s all of it leaving him for long periods of time being told what days I am having away from him by my MIL and the fact that she didn’t respect the routine, that as we all know we work very hard to put in place. I’m geared up now! Let’s rock this boat! Haha. X

Your DS doesn't even know he's a separate being to you yet. He doesn't need to be away from you unless you'd like a break.

Nip it in the bud now. She'll only get worse if you don't.

As for not rocking the boat; how would it harm you or your DS if you did?

”hogging the baby” is a direct quote from MIL to your DH. He doesn't want to upset HER but it seems he's happy to upset YOU?

You definitely have a DH problem.

No she doesnt get to have him anymore.I looked after my gs and i fed him and done what i was told.

Hes still a young baby and needs his bottles and routines.Its not for her to fo against you.And if your oh is fine with it,let him settle the baby back in to his routine the next time his dm has the baby.

What Sunshine says. Your LO isn’t a toy to be passed around. If you want him near you, that’s exactly where he should be.

Nothing anybody else thinks is relevant. Learn to say NO THANK YOU loudly and clearly.