Fart humour

[QueenOfOversharing]

I am a 52 yr old woman who still finds farts fucking hilarious. I can recall specific periods of my childhood by some sort of fart-related memory.

1. my granny making my DB & I leave the room to fart, so we literally opened the door, stuck our arses in the general direction of the hallway & let rip.

2. my DF bought this incredible house (with its own loch... fancy) & when we visited he would announce fart competitions. I often won. There was no prize, if we discount skidmarks.

Anyway, I was prompted to start a thread in honour of the funniest type of humour - farts (and/or anything bum related).

To get the ball rolling, I have set the bar quite high:

twitter.com/vinnybrack/status/1233784343048273922?s=21

My dd's told me that when you fart and sneeze at the same time, it's called 'taking a screen shot' 😂🤣💨

The best farts of all time are the ones that scratch your arse for you on the way out. They are a rare but welcome occurrence.

My dd9 does amazingly big farts in the morning, i spent about 5 days trying to record one on my phone so i could play it to the girls at work to prove she can fart as well as any adult. A talent she obviously inherited from her mum !!! Actually i could use that as my phone notification, a fart noise everytime i got a text would be hilarious. Oh im definitely going to do that.

Years ago when I lived in London workmen were digging up the road outside, one of them knocked on the door and asked for a bucket of water. I took the bucket and went into the kitchen starting filling it up at the sink. Well I let go of this fart it was an Olympian, reverberated round the kitchen, lovely. Any way I turned round and the builder was stood at the kitchen door gobsmacked. I didn’t know he followed me in.

Lllot5 He was a cheeky fucker,for following you in! What a nerve.

This is the best thread ever. I am crying with laughter.

The worse one I ever did was in early 20s. I was really hungover and travelling on a fairly busy tube. I did a silent fart. Shortly afterwards I realised it smelt like pure sewage. I revolted myself so much I had to change carriages at the next stop.

Earlier this evening I went in to DD's room. I lay on her bed and could smell a fart. She admitted she'd farted at least 5 minutes previously but the smell had lingered on the blanket on her bed.

A PP mentioned fart incontinence. Unfortunately, this affliction affected my poor, very posh, elegant and proper MIL as she started the descent into dementia. She was quite deaf too, so didn’t notice.

I went to visit and to talk to DBIL about her care as he was struggling. SS were due to arrive. It was a serious and gloomy chat, when suddenly DMIL starts walking up the stairs. She did a little fart with every step. Just farted her way up the stairs.
DBIL and I just dissolved into hysterics.

Farts bring light to the darkest of situations.

I used to ski every weekend in Scotland as a teenager - if you've ever worn GoreTex you know the horror of getting undressed at the end of the day. Fart molecules do not permeate that stuff. 🤢🤢

The other day my son as stood in the kitchen, near the door to the living room. I was sat on the sofa. He said "it smells like shit in here..." and kept saying it. Then I wondered if it might be the fart I'd done several minutes before. He made me come & smell it. It was.

**Queen of oversharing

You wouldn’t love him if you ever smelt him!!🤮

Perhaps I forgot to mention the actions he performed whilst ‘letting rip’ (his description..)
Leaping in the air, legs apart , shouting ‘catch this’
Lifting one leg high up
Bending down and pulling his bum cheeks apart
Yelling ‘who let the dogs out’ immediately after any loud ones
And not forgetting the classic ‘pull my finger/shake my hand’ conversations

All the above either in the house, car - or in public!! It didn’t matter 😮

Each and every one reduced me to tears of laughter, however inappropriate the timing.

It only ‘back-fired’ (😀) on him once, when he’d had a poorly tummy and ‘let rip’ on the way to school... let’s just say it wasn’t only air that he passed... we had to return home with him complaining he’d ruined his favourite pants!🤣

I once tried to hold a fart in at work. It didnt go to well and as it happened there was a customers standing where I was working. I let out a big fart and my colleague who was with me tried not to laugh. As soon as the customers went as they heard it but didnt say anything but did have a grin on there faces. We burst out laughing with tears rolling down our faces

I am so glad I started this thread. I've truly found my people. Reading your posts has me chuckling.

I farted today & one of the dogs jumped in fright, then just stared at me. Judging me.

We were fairly competitive farters in my family when growing up.

My Dad could do some right good rippers. He would then turn and look behind him and blame the invisible man who he called Icky and who was apparently always following him to fart.

My mother was pretty good at them too.

I remember once when my DD2 was a toddler. It was Halloween and it was dark. I was wheeling her along the street in the pushchair and I let out a long and loud one. I told DD that is wasn't me who had farted, it was the witch who was flying behind us on a broomstick. DD was a child who believed everything she was told, so she got scared at that and began shrieking.

In later years we always blamed the dog too, and to be fair, he could produce some real room-clearers too. I do miss him so much.

Yay! My people 😁. I have been crying reading this thread! I am in the unfortunate position of having a DH that DOESN'T find them funny 😳. I've been working on him over the past 5 years and he will now occasionally let one rip if he is drunk but otherwise he is of the opinion that it is childish🤨. I have considered LTB but I thought I would do my bit for society and try and convert him to a lover of farts. He isn't too bad....after our second ever time of spending the night together he did mention to me that I had let rip ALLLLLLL night on his leg 🤣 didn't put him off another date!

I don't trust folk who don't find farts funny. I went with a friend once to her brother's very very posh works ball.
During speeches this rather well spoken man let out the loudest fart I've ever heard, and simply said oh dear. Then carried on with his speech.
Nobody laughed.
Except me and my friend. Couldn't look at each other because we were howling. Lots of stony unimpressed faces, which frankly made it funnier.
Needless to say we were never invited to another one.

I often impress my DP with my ability to know how he's farted, just by the sound of them. You know, "you lifted your leg for that one"! 😂

Driving down the motororway in 1994,
Someone did a big one and blew me out the door,
The wheels couldn't take it,
The engine fell apart,
All because (insert name here) did a supersonic fart.

Stopchewingeverything, my husband is from a family that didn't "do" farts. Sometimes you had to virtually pretend you didn't even have an arse, let alone one that did normal arsey things.

I have trained him over the years. He is more relaxed about farts now and can let rip some corkers. I know though that when he says he is going out for a walk in the evening after dinner he is also planning to let rip in the open as he walks along the streets.

Oh Lllot5 sorry, but that made me lol. Poor you that the builder just walked in! Did give me a big chuckle though.

Leaping in the air, legs apart , shouting ‘catch this’

Lol! I must try that one. Maybe, then but at my age, maybe not.