Fart humour

[QueenOfOversharing]

I am a 52 yr old woman who still finds farts fucking hilarious. I can recall specific periods of my childhood by some sort of fart-related memory.

1. my granny making my DB & I leave the room to fart, so we literally opened the door, stuck our arses in the general direction of the hallway & let rip.

2. my DF bought this incredible house (with its own loch... fancy) & when we visited he would announce fart competitions. I often won. There was no prize, if we discount skidmarks.

Anyway, I was prompted to start a thread in honour of the funniest type of humour - farts (and/or anything bum related).

To get the ball rolling, I have set the bar quite high:

twitter.com/vinnybrack/status/1233784343048273922?s=21

@QueenOfOversharing I'm with you. Noises from the anus will always be side splittingly hilarious to me 🤣

My husband and I give each other marks out of 10 for them depending on loudness, with upgrades if they smell, so for a quiet-but-deadly one we can go from a pathetic 1 right up to 10 if it’s really whiffy 😃

My dad and brother used to compete daily to see who could creep up on each other and fart as close to each others noses. I laugh at farts and have no qualms about farting. My grandmother used to call farts doing a pops and a poo was a popsy!!!!!

My Nana always used to tell us we needed to go to the toilet to ‘break wind’.

More recently we went to a family wedding and as we walked through the very quiet hotel lobby to go to our rooms at about 1.30am my DF let out the loudest fart ever thinking there was only is there, but in fact the night porter was stood at the desk!

@ShellsandSand one of my dogs will as stood looking right in my eyes today as he let one go. He looked so confused! Poor baby. I was laughing. He was mortified. That's how we roll in this house. 💨💨💨

@fantasmasgoria1 do you think there are 2 types of families - this he farters and the non-farters? Mine is definitely full on farters.

@ManonBlackbeak hahaha!

I was on hold today with John Lewis & swayed myself to sit up (I was leaning back with my coffee). As I swung forward I let out a massive one & chuckled. Phone wasn't muted.

I was in the toilets at Tesco once. Just sitting there minding my own, as you do, when bang went the door, footsteps came running in , bang went the toilet door, and then the noise of the biggest fart ever and an enormous sigh of relief.

and an enormous sigh of relief.

😂😂😂😂😂 omfg I know that sigh of relief!

There was a Frenchman called Le Petomane who could fart at will , do tunes etc . It is on YouTube.

He did this on stage . I think he used to clean himself out before a performance .

@AnneKipanki that's impressive. I can burp at will, but farting - that's a whole hole other level.

I’m sure I read on here an amazing tale.

A small boy was reluctant to go to sleep at night because of the ‘evil duck’. Apparently, he was scared of the horrible noises of this haunting monster that occurred when he went to bed. His mother decided to stay in his room one evening to reassure but was equally startled at hearing the ‘evil duck’ who was actually the DH doing big echoing farts in the loo before his nighttime shit

@QueenArseClangers hahahahaha! That poor, traumatised child!

@QueenOfOversharing - 😂😭😭😭😭😭🤣😂🤣 for once I'm 'literally' crying with laughter... and I'm on the train!

My very prim great aunt taught my son

"A fart is a message
From the brain
To say a load of shit
Is on the next train"

I am far too mature to laugh at farts but took this photo for my younger friends......

@Charley50 hope you're keeping the other passengers entertained! 😂😂😂

@IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere no such thing as TOO mature!! 😂

I am crying reading this! 😂😂

@SignOnTheWindow yes it was purple ronnie, im sure you can get a mug with it on as well. My birthday cards at work are always poo or fart related. Im usually constipated so to try and hold in a fart gives me raging belly ache so i just have to let go when the need arises. I dont apologise coz im proud of my farts, and if i did apologise i'd just spend all day saying oops sorry. I also proudly announce at work when i do manage a poo.

Someone farted at an important school meeting recently and I nearly had to leave the room I was laughing so much. My daughter was utterly ashamed of me. I'm sorry but farts will never ever not be funny

A couple of years ago, in a beautiful villa on holiday, 3 of us were playing cards outside when I did the loudest fart that has ever left my body which was funny to start with.
Dsis had been inside, she came out with her waistband pulled out looking in her shorts, very puzzled.

It turns out just as I farted, she bent over to put washing in the machine and my fart was so loud and crisp, she thought she'd ripped her shorts

You possibly had to have been there but even my mother was dying with laughter and we all still laugh if it gets brought up again

Just reading how funny ppl find farts makes me laugh. 😂

Friend of mine was in the car with her DP & windows down. He put his window up really quickly & was spluttering "uggggggh the fucking drains". A few seconds later he was coughing & going "OMG it's worse..." then he realised it was inside the car all along. My friend was silently crying laughing. We still joke about the fucking drains. Her fart stank like drains! 😂😂😂

Obviously I meant @QueenArseClangers story 😂

One of mine (got loads) is when I was in girl guides; I was the youngest there, barely out of Brownies, didn't know the others.. Anyway we went to a camp and all stayed in one big canvas tent. On the last night I woke up really early in the morning and lay there happily farting, thinking everyone was asleep. Anyway, they turned on me in the minibus home, called me the 'farting girl' and more and refused to speak to me. That was the end of my short career as a Girl Guide.. 😂😂 I didn't like the midnight hikes anyway 😂

Farts should be given a rating. Best fart is always the first one of the day, letting out all the gas thats built up overnight. Then theres farting in time to your footsteps, farting when you bend down, the ones that you have to force out that make you pull a funny face and the squeaky high pitched fart. The worst ones are the hot ones that burn a bit and don't forget the dreaded wet fart.