Fart humour

[QueenOfOversharing]

I am a 52 yr old woman who still finds farts fucking hilarious. I can recall specific periods of my childhood by some sort of fart-related memory.

1. my granny making my DB & I leave the room to fart, so we literally opened the door, stuck our arses in the general direction of the hallway & let rip.

2. my DF bought this incredible house (with its own loch... fancy) & when we visited he would announce fart competitions. I often won. There was no prize, if we discount skidmarks.

Anyway, I was prompted to start a thread in honour of the funniest type of humour - farts (and/or anything bum related).

To get the ball rolling, I have set the bar quite high:

twitter.com/vinnybrack/status/1233784343048273922?s=21

The worst ones are the hot ones that burn a bit

I JUST did a hot one!! The smell won't dissipate! My dog is looking at me. It bubbled up my fanny flaps.

fart girl 😂😂😂😂😂😂

My first boyfriend's dad said they'd call me Windy Miller at uni 😬

Bending down ones are my speciality.
I've a poorly bowel so I've always one in the chamber.
I used to deliberately do it in supermarkets to embarrass Dc.
Now they are adults I get a Latrell back at ya.

Late forties and I'm proud that I've had no weeing problems. (Thank you pelvic floor.) I can laugh, cough etc. But what I didn't see coming was the flatulence incontinence. I've sneeze and farted, walked and farted and bent down and farted. Not embarrassed myself yet though.

OMG how the hell did i forget the multi tasking fart. When you do it while sneezing, they have a special sound all of their own. My daughter sometimes does a little dance when she farts, she says its get stuck in her tuppence

I also think that anyone who doesn't laugh at a well timed fart is ,well,a bit odd.
A few years ago,my Dd,SIL and myself went to a place called 'Bird World,in Surrey. One of the staff was giving a talk about owls. We were all gathered in this little barn-like structure sitting on rough wooden benches,watching the lady at the front with her beautiful barn owl. There was a young couple sitting behind us,with a toddler of about 18 months/2 years. He was climbing on and off the bench seat,and his father told him sternly to sit down and behave. The toddler replied by letting rip with the loudest,longest fart that I have ever heard emit from a small child. At least,I think it was the child. . My Dd and I were cracking up laughing,but the toddler's mother was looking stony faced. Annoyed even. Strange woman.

73kittycat73 So you've 'snarted','warted' and 'barted'. Have you ever 'carted'? (coughed and farted). Or 'sharted'? (don't go there )

Yeah, there is definitely something wrong with people who don't laugh at farts. I also find poo really humourus, the floaters, the ghosties, the slippy ones, the curly wurlies and the bloody hell im gonna need stitches after this one !!!!

I may need to overshare... about the time I put too much faith in a fart. Ok, one of the times...

Omg, tears of laughter pouring down my face🤣
Farts are just THE funniest thing!! I’m in my mid50s, and still laugh my head off at them! I spent ages during my school years standing in corridors having been sent out of class for uncontrollable giggling! The worst time was when I was on a placement from college, at an excluded-pupils school when I was 17/18. I was a sort of classroom sssistant. We were in assembly one morning, all quiet, listening to the HT waffle on, when one of the boys let fly with the loudest, most horrendous noisy fart I’d ever heard... that was me done for... couldn’t breathe for laughing, still laughing long after the others had stopped. I got sent out of the assembly and a ‘letter of concern’ was sent to my tutor😳
That was 38 years ago, and I still giggle at the memory😁

Forgot to add... my son is a prolific and rather tuneful farter, and also a terrible giggler about them. He gives them names (ripper, blaster, snorter, squeaker) and will often phone me to tell me about them... he’s in his 30s...🙄
I have to say, I also am a fan of “poo” based humour...

I don't think general day to day ones are funny at all. A mistimed one on the other hand or one you underestimate. Like my poor friend in the beer garden, sat on a plastic chair. Tried to sneak one out... it was so loud that people stopped mid sip of drink. I still laugh about it now.

I think my worst ones are when I've reached home after driving from work. I get into the house and let rip, noisy but not smelly. The DC just roll their eyes now.

I was just gonna add the bubble up the fanny ones, but you beat me to it OP ... I love those!

My dd's told me that when you fart and sneeze at the same time, it's called 'taking a screen shot'.

Farts are never not funny.

I’d not long had my Alexa, asked her to play Heart radio and discovered that she not only misheard you sometimes, but has a vast repertoire of fart noises.

My children make this face at me 🙄🙄 as I’m in hysterics making her do more.

73kittycat73 So you've 'snarted','warted' and 'barted'. Have you ever 'carted'? (coughed and farted). Or 'sharted'? (don't go there )

Matronly 50-something woman here who still finds farts the funniest things on earth. When I was a primary school teacher I was pretty popular because I always fell about laughing with the children when anyone farted.

I have fond memories of my brother and his friends igniting farts when I was a child (this was in the 70s, so everyone smoked and there were always matches or lighters around in people’s houses!)

My boyfriends mam visited us late one night an explained BF's DGM had passed away. And we were stood in our kitchen chatting, all somber and sad and then his Mam farted. Just loud and long and no one acknowledged it. She didn't excuse herself.
When she left the first thing we said to each other was "did Mam fart?!" And we had been holding in these giggles for about 20 minutes. it has tainted the memory of his DGM because all we remember is the big fart his mam did in our kitchen.

Farts is funny

I have found my people .

I take huge pride in creating tuneful farts, ds and I get quite competitive.

DP and I were in a bike shop a few years ago buying a few bikes. These were rather expensive, a few thousand for the two so a fraud alert was flagged. Do had to ring the bank to ok things so the whole thing took a while to process.

As we were stood there he let out the most offensive, vile, noxious smell I had ever smelt in my entire life.

I looked up.

There all stood there stone faced. Not even a flicker to acknowledge the fact the inside of my DPS arse was choking everyone.

I did the sidey snigger thing

Still nothing.

My shoulders started and I started nudging do, he stood resolutely staring ahead. Ignoring the fucking stench he'd created.

Nothing, everyone stoney faced.

I then collapsed in heaps of laughter and roared I cannot believe you farted before fleeing the shop and breaking down in hysterics outside.

Dp finally emerged and instead of taking pride in the chemical warfare he'd unleashed was rather stroppy at my apparent over reaction. 😂😂😂😂

I'm chewing on my duvet trying to stifle my howls of laughter just typing this 😂😂😂

@bornonasunday I love your son!! ❤️

@Charley50 I always get the fanny bubble ones while driving - we all know the arse wriggle to burst that last bastarding one.

@HairyDogsOfThigh that is genius! Stealing that! Thank you to your DDs

@Sidge did that with my friend's Alexa & recorded it on my phone. The funniest but was me having an asthma attack from laughing! Her son also leaves the room when I fart. He also reckons its why I do not have a boyfriend 🤷🏼‍♀️

@MonsteraDeliciosa I lit a fart at my boyfriend's dad's house. He walked in & we got bollocked as I was sat on some antique chair! He was so furious we had to leave. Despite his anger, I was shoulder-shaking laughing.

@doublecheeseburgermediumfries oh God, when you have to stifle the laugh 😫😂

@WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo We welcome you with open arms & a raised arse cheek. My DS used to compete with me, now he just eye rolls. I'm not convinced he's my child. He's 21. Is it too late to return him?

Out with my oldest friend & DS & her younger DDs in Richmond Park - DS was walking ahead & sneezed & farted simultaneously (sharted). He thought the sneeze had masked it. We were squealing. He was so upset with me for laughing but I couldn't stop. We drove home (across London) in silence... me periodically giggling. 😂

Sharting:
Was taking diet pills (not heeding their warnings). Went to Asda to do big food shop, with my DS. In the veg aisle I felt a rumbling, so I gave it a bit of encouragement. That was my mistake - I felt a hot liquid immediately gush between my arse cheeks & up my fanny. I waddled to the toilets (far end of the fucking superstore!), thereupon had to strip. Luckily, I was wearing my big knickers 🙌🏼 but they were beyond saving & I flushed them. I then had a bit of mopping up to do. Trolley abandoned by the tomatoes, i hurriedly ushered DS back to the car for the drive home. To ensure no damage to the car seat, I drove home sat on a bag for life. 😳😬

Sadly, I didn't learn my lesson with the diet pills & lying on the sofa felt an itch in my arse crack. With only me & DS there I felt free to scratch. Imagine my surprise to find what I initially thought was peanut butter... warm peanut butter. Why that would be up my arse crack was clearly not at the forefront of my mind. I had to bleach under my nail extensions but could still smell it.

DS & I still laugh about both of these. Me maybe more than him.

DS *sNarted obvs

Perhaps should have NCd 😬