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Original poster

Does anyone still think about their first love?

94 replies

priscillanotofthedesert · 22/02/2020 20:58

Just that really. I am very happily married to my DH who is wonderful and we have lovely DC, but I still think about my first love who I haven't seen or heard from since I was 18. He has got absolutely no social media presence whatsoever so I haven't got the first clue what he's up to these days or where he is.

I've had several long term relationships since him, and I adore my DH, but I have never felt quite the same way about anyone as I did my first love.

Anyone else?!

OP posts:
RaquelW1 · 23/02/2020 15:48

Mine got in touch via friendsreunited about 10 years after we'd broken up. I was with someone else at the time, but when that relationship ended, we got back together. We've now been married 10 years and have 2 beautiful children 💖

igotdemons · 23/02/2020 17:41

Yes, occasionally I do as I think your first love is always special. I was young and we were together for 3 years, it didn’t end particularly well but I cherish the memories we made before it ended.

Original poster
priscillanotofthedesert · 23/02/2020 20:20

Just logged back on to see all these replies. Some are so very sad. Thanks to all for sharing.

Just to clarify I have zero intention of getting back in touch with mine, I love my husband.

OP posts:

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Newtonpass · 23/02/2020 20:54

Perhaps she didn't have a happy family life

Nah. She's just an awful mother/person. We wouldn't be excusing a man who had abandoned his own children for a bit on the side.

Think about it, who the hell abandons their own children for any partner? Leaves their husband/wife, yeah sure. Happily loses their children/gc? Nope, none but the most selfish of people could do that.

Even better, what kind of person would accept someone in to their life who had done that? So it's not like she even left her own dc for anyone worthwhile.

Zippetydoodahzippetyay · 24/02/2020 02:43

I do. I find it quite hard to let go of the past and often have dreams involving former flames. I find myself wondering how certain decisions affected our chances together and how life would have been different. I'm not unhappy with my current life - my husband and I have ups and downs but are mostly happy and well suited. We have lovely children and a comfortable life. I think this is just how I am. Because it's not even just former loves, but also former friendships, career decisions etc. I am just an overthinker in general.

Frownette · 24/02/2020 02:55

Newtonpass no, you don't know that for sure. If the husband put her down the children might have followed suit and it eats away at you.

My aunt left an abusive relationship. One of the children took it out on her and despite her writing to him for 40 years she has never had a response.

And the son left us and my aunt's other sisters and cousins as well. F@£k him for hurting her, I'd slap him if I saw him. He has ignored his brother as well for 40 years, it's not his brother's fault. He was brainwashed by the husband who is into a cult. Luckily I still have my cousin M and adore him AND my aunt.

Newtonpass · 24/02/2020 07:16

If that was the case then she failed her children by not leaving before they could be damaged by a crazy abusive man in a cult.

No, there is no situation where I'd blame the innocent children rather than the apparently sane adult who abandoned them to abuse/ didn't protect them as she should have.

Roselilly36 · 24/02/2020 07:23

I try not to think of my first love, I treated him so badly, I still feel embarrassed about it today, I was young, immature and very selfish at the time. If I ever did see him, I would apologise.

AlternativePerspective · 24/02/2020 07:51

The gleeful way someone can talk about abandoning their children in favour of a shag from the past is revolting. And there is clearly no regret there.

The children are obviously better off without this person in their lives. I’d imagine this would be the kind of person where the child might declare that “they’re dead to me.”

And no, there are no excuses. Abandon a husband if that’s what you have to do. But abandoning your children without so much as a backward glance and then declaring that there are no regrets is inexcusable.

AlternativePerspective · 24/02/2020 08:04

My first real love is still in touch with me via FB. I lived abroad and came back with my family and the relationship just couldn’t stand the distance. He’s on his 4th marriage now. Shock.

I was someone’s first love though, went out with a guy when I was 15/16 and he was 20/21. We never slept together as it wasn’t the done thing where I grew up, but I was the first GF he’d ever had.

The relationship just ran its course because TBH I grew up and he didn’t so we parted company. A few years ago I encountered him on FB and we had a chat on skype. All I could think was “what on earth did I see in him?” Grin until he said “I can’t believe we can still be friends after we had such a bad break-up.” Err what? Confused was just a teenage relationship running its course from where I was standing, Confused.

He still lived with his mother until a year ago and then he married some woman he’d met on the internet.

EBearhug · 24/02/2020 08:55

If that was the case then she failed her children by not leaving before they could be damaged by a crazy abusive man in a cult.

Let's all blame the women rather than the abusive men...

Seashell80 · 24/02/2020 09:49

I still think about mine, but we are still friends and although we rarely see each other it always feels as if no time has passed when we do catch up! We were together as teenagers and at one point engaged, unfortunately things didn't work out due to life going in different directions (as is often the case). I always feel happy that life worked out for us with our respective OH and that we can still be friends.

Newtonpass · 24/02/2020 10:33

Let's all blame the women rather than the abusive men

There are undeniably a range of factors that make it difficult for a woman to leave in that situation. My own mother was one that failed to.

Of course it is an abusers fault that they abuse.

But to declare the abused partner absolved of any personal responsibility at all for their own actions is not on. It's infantilizing them.

The actual infants in this scenario need protecting, they can't protect themselves. And you can be damn sure the abuser won't be doing that.

Any mother worth her salt will do anything and pay any cost to protect her children.

Certainly not brag about abandoning them for a shit ex on a parenting forum.

HelgaHere1 · 24/02/2020 10:43

Mine was 40 years ago and his tall, lean body and floppy, shiny hair are probably as distant a memory for him as they are for me.
I have thought of it recently when people talk of being bio-diverse, switching from a partner of one sex to the opposite - the emotions I felt over himwere mind-blowingly intense, as a 16 year old. No confusion for me.

ActualHornist · 24/02/2020 10:50

I do not think of him fondly. We didn’t have a good break up, he broke my heart and he treated me really really badly.

SVRT19674 · 24/02/2020 11:43

My first love I actually didn't go out with, so technically doesn't count, but, my first boyfriend, we were together 3.5 years and we broke up because I couldn't see him moving on from the eternal student and I wanted more. He was a really nice guy, but there was something I couldnt put my finger on. This was in 2000. Three years later he wrote to me from his country and a lot of things fell into place. He hadn't really moved on, and he thought the letter would be cathartic and help him to move on. I am married now to a really nice guy also, and I actually looked my ex boyfriend up, found his brother, but not him. He has zero online presence.

IceColdCat · 24/02/2020 11:54

I split up with my first love 27 years ago. We stayed friends for a few years afterwards, but eventually lost touch when one of his girlfriends was very suspicious and jealous of our friendship. I don't think of him often (I am happily married) but I wish for good things for him. We had a lovely relationship in my formative years (age 15 to 18).

DelurkingAJ · 24/02/2020 12:41

I’m in touch with my first bf on Facebook. DH has met him once (when everyone was home for Xmas) and clearly thought I had been mad. I probably agree but I am fond of him as he was never anything but kind to me. I told him when DDad died as I knew he’d want to know. No chance of ever cheating with him or any other ex’s I’m still in touch with (one is DS2’s godfather and he and DH just take the piss out of me gently when we meet up). We split for a reason and I married DH for a reason!

Coniferhedge · 24/02/2020 12:47

Yes. I treated him appallingly and I've never forgotten it, regretted it ever since. I found him on Twitter a few years ago and got in touch to apologise. He was lovely about it. He still lives nearby so I asked if he'd like to meet for a coffee but he declined, said he didn't like dwelling on the past which is fair enough. Shame though, he's had a really interesting career and I'd love to meet him just to chat about that. I just have to settle for reading about it through his tweets!

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