Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Does anyone still think about their first love?

94 replies

priscillanotofthedesert · 22/02/2020 20:58

Just that really. I am very happily married to my DH who is wonderful and we have lovely DC, but I still think about my first love who I haven't seen or heard from since I was 18. He has got absolutely no social media presence whatsoever so I haven't got the first clue what he's up to these days or where he is.

I've had several long term relationships since him, and I adore my DH, but I have never felt quite the same way about anyone as I did my first love.

Anyone else?!

OP posts:
Carouselfish · 22/02/2020 23:29

Yes. That he married someone else and we aren't together pretty much stopped me believing in 'the one' idea. I haven't been with anyone else without rather wishing it was him. But it's probably idealised in my mind now.

justasking111 · 22/02/2020 23:32

Mine I had not seen for 20 years, I heard he had cancer of the stomach. I called round to see him. We had a lovely talk, he died a few weeks later. I am glad I went to see him one last time.

cobwebfew · 22/02/2020 23:32

Sometimes I guess, but not often. He does have social media, but we're not connected, I don't feel the need follow him either. Haven't seen him in at least a decade.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships
Singinghollybob · 22/02/2020 23:33

@MrsT1405 it cost you your DC and GC, really?

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 22/02/2020 23:33

Yes me !

I found him through social media 20 years later... we message each other sometimes.

mrspotatohed · 22/02/2020 23:43

I always think about him

StillMedusa · 22/02/2020 23:44

I recently found (stalked) mine on FB ..
He is now middle aged and porky which was a bit of a disappointment Grin

On the other hand...

My Dad met the love of his life, Pat, at 16.. and got her pregnant at 15, which back in 1961 was a VERY bad thing. She was shipped off to a home for unmarried mothers, the baby was adopted, my dad was beaten black and blue and never allowed to see her (or the baby) again.

Fast forward nearly 40 years, and my Dad, now divorced from my Mum, went to an old school reunion... and the first person he saw was Pat.
Two months later she'd moved in with him, they married, traced their daughter (my half sister and she's lovely) and had over ten happy years together before she unexpectedly died from heart failure (very unexpected as she was young and fit)

The first time I met Pat was very odd... I had the overwhelming feeling that this was the woman he should have spent his whole life with (even tho I wouldn't have existed!!)

kazza446 · 22/02/2020 23:44

Still I contact with mine! Met him when I was 15 & he was 17. We went out for 3 years but then jealousy and wanting more from life got in the way. .. after not talking for approx 5 years we bumped into each other again and made the peace. Whenever we met up we talked about trying again but one of us one was always in a relationship. Never got our timings right! We’ve both settled down and married now. I wouldn’t say either of us have the happiest of marriages but would never cheat. We keep in touch on a regular basis and mainly talk about our families and careers. I still think of him as the one who got away. If we’d met a little later in life I think we would have definitely settled down together. I still call him the “one who got away.” His mum always says she wishes I was the daughter in law. He will be 50 in a few weeks time. We are going to have lunch together to celebrate. I see him as a brother nowadays

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 22/02/2020 23:46

My first love was a compete dick, but I was absolutely daft for him. Unfortunately I see him quite regularly. He was a man child then, and is a man child now nearly 9 years since I cut contact with him, he hasnt changed. He will be 38 now and he still lives with his parents 🤦‍♀️. I was 17 the first time we met he was 25, I fell pregnant (not his, we hadn't got that far) and disappeared off the grid for a while. When I was about 21 we got in contact again and had a relationship for about a year. I had to completely cut him out my life for the sake of my mental health.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 22/02/2020 23:49

@StillMedusa that is heartbreaking.

Poetryinaction · 22/02/2020 23:53

We met up at a school reunion. There was still a spark and he was absolutely lovely. But not right.

Daddynotmummy · 23/02/2020 00:14

I've known mine since we were 14 now in our mid 40's. We had an affair 8 years ago but I had to break it off as my wife then girlfriend was pregnant (she did know about the affair). We've started speaking to each other again every day and been out and I've gone to see her at her house but nothing sexual has happened. My feelings are so strong for her and although I have told her this, she won't say how she feels about me. All she says is she doesn't want to be the reason to break up a family but I'm not happy and when we do get together we have fun. AIBU to persu her and our friendship.

TheresGonnaBeARain · 23/02/2020 00:30

Still friends with mine, I love him and see him sort of like family (although haven’t seen him in person for a few years). We spoke last year on the phone and chat on Facebook sometimes. We’ve also turned to each other a few times for moral support, both of us when we’ve had tough breakups and other stuff.

We’ve met up a few times over the years when we’ve been in the same part of the world (and both been single), although just with the aim of catching up rather than anything more.

He’s one of the people I care about most in the world really. He’s a great person and I think of him only with fondness.

Bluerussian · 23/02/2020 00:31

Yes, sometimes. He's not 'real' any more though, just a vague memory.

BallacheForLife · 23/02/2020 00:37

@Daddynotmummy I don't think anyone here will condone or encourage you to cheat on your wife...again 🤦🏼‍♀️ poor woman

DrCoconut · 23/02/2020 00:41

I haven't seen mine for 25 years but last year I came across his wife's profile on social media. He has a really unusual surname which made me wonder if she was connected to him. He's looking very middle aged these days, but I guess I am too. He was a lovely lad and I always felt really safe with him. Even my grandma approved and that took some doing! We had lots of fun but drifted apart when I started at uni.

NameChangedJustToPostThis · 23/02/2020 00:53

Aaaaw some of these posts are lovely to read, others are so sad Sad

And the rest are tasteless. Yeah I'm looking at you @Daddynotmummy

Wrong thread to be posting that shit on my friend

ALongHardWinter · 23/02/2020 01:05

I'm slightly embarrassed to admit that I occasionally dream about him. Blush I was only with him for a few months,way back in 1981,when I was 17. But I was crazy about him. Nonetheless, I do find it slightly bizarre when I dream (usually quite filthy dreams Grin) nearly 40 years on!

EdgeWithNoReason · 23/02/2020 01:20

Yes I do. Mostly because I have a DC with him.

TheSlipperSchlepp · 23/02/2020 01:43

Yes I do still think about mine.

I was besotted with him, was with him for 2 years between the ages of 14-16. I still think about him because when I was 15 I got pregnant to him but was forced to have an abortion by my parents. So when I'm feeling sad about things, thoughts of that time invariably pop up.

elp30 · 23/02/2020 01:47

I married my first love and we have a son together. We divorced after five years but I do see him often especially as we are grandparents to our son's three kids.

He's okay but I'm glad we are not together!

eggstrordinaire · 23/02/2020 01:57

Yes, aged 17, he walked me home from the pub (30m), then he walked all the way home to his (2 hrs). Still the most romantic thing anyone has done!

MiniGuinness · 23/02/2020 02:02

Yes, I am still good friends with the first two. The third was a cunt though, so rarely think about him, except to think what a lucky escape. My DH is still the best though.

TeetotalKoala · 23/02/2020 02:05

My DH is my only proper love.

But I do still think about the boyfriend I had at 16 occasionally. Remember that Sabrina episode where Harvey and Sabrina have to pass a true love test, and Zelda says 'at 16, it's always true love'? I think so much truth in that. We were not a good match. He was so emotionally immature and prone to flounces and grand gestures (both good and bad). It wasn't a healthy relationship. We were only together 4 months but it felt like a lifetime. He dumped me for someone else. But I've FB stalked and they're still together and seem happy, so it was clearly right.

DH and I have been together for 20 years this year. My relationship with him showed me what a partnership and a relationship should look like. It was never hard work like the one mentioned above, or the year long relationship I had after that. We have our issues like every couple. But there's never a doubt about our foundations.

HaveAtEm · 23/02/2020 02:29

I used to think about mine a lot...we were 5 weeks off getting married when I discovered he was cheating on me, so it had ended very painfully for me. I never really got over him though, and he was the reason all my relationships afterwards never quite worked out...I was still a little bit in love with him. I married and had children, but I didn't ever fully commit emotionally (although I didn't know it at the time, if that makes sense?)

Inevitably, I got divorced, and still didn't truly understand why...I wasn't consciously thinking of 'him' so didn't connect it all.

Then, a few years ago (25 years after we'd split!), he contacted me on SM and I went into a tailspin! He was happily married to the person he'd cheated on me with, had children and was living not too far from me. He said he would like to meet up. I agreed and we met...had a fantastic day reminiscing...and I then realised what all of my subsequent relationship failures had been about. I had been comparing them all my 'first love' and nobody could compare to that! BUT...I also realised that my 'idea' of him, was not the reality, and whilst we'd had a great day, my feelings towards him changed and I could, finally, let him go.

We are still friends on SM and I am happily no longer in 'unrequited love' with him 🤦‍♀️. Thank goodness!

I do, however, massively regret all of those wasted inbetween years. If only I'd been able to get this closure earlier!