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Original poster

Does anyone still think about their first love?

94 replies

priscillanotofthedesert · 22/02/2020 20:58

Just that really. I am very happily married to my DH who is wonderful and we have lovely DC, but I still think about my first love who I haven't seen or heard from since I was 18. He has got absolutely no social media presence whatsoever so I haven't got the first clue what he's up to these days or where he is.

I've had several long term relationships since him, and I adore my DH, but I have never felt quite the same way about anyone as I did my first love.

Anyone else?!

OP posts:
EBearhug · 23/02/2020 02:48

Yes. He was on FB this morning, and I was mostly thinking, "God you're a mansplaining arsehole!" I am still fond of him (especially when he's not talking,) but I am also glad we didn't end up together, as I might have had to murder him.

Very fond of the second one, too, who is now my landlord. Get on well with his current girlfriend, too. We had a bit of a rant session about work and the need for feminism first time we met.

We had a former fiancee of my father's at his funeral, so it seems normal to me to keep in touch.

Peridot1 · 23/02/2020 03:15

I’m friends with mine on FB. He tags me occasionally in stuff about a band he got me into. I’ve spoken to him a few years ago and it was great to chat but I came off the phone thinking that the things that irritated me back then were still irritating me. I was the one to end things.

@ALongHardWinter - I dream about mine too. Have done for years. It’s very odd. Never sexual dreams though. Just before I started IVF nearly 20 years ago I dreamt I was looking for him in the place we both worked to get his approval which was very odd indeed. Especially as it turns out he and his wife had a few attempts at ivf too sadly unsuccessfully.

florababy84 · 23/02/2020 03:18

I think about him and am SO glad we didn't end up together as we weren't well suited.

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Dating General relationships
lostinleaves · 23/02/2020 03:19

Yes, he was a gorgeous french man. No idea what happened after we split.

veryphishy · 23/02/2020 03:35

Same as you OP, no contact for a very long time and no social media presence at all.
I really want to know what he's up to and would love to catch up and see if that amazing spark is still there even if we can't/won't act on it.

Newtonpass · 23/02/2020 03:44

Unfortunately I have to occasionally, as it seems every time he has a bit to drink he ends up creating a new fb profile ( I block the current one after every message) and starts out with friendly messaging, escalating to sex chat and unsolicited dick pics when I don't block in time.

My husband suggested forwarding them to his wife, but she has two young children and I just can't bring myself to do it.

Afraid what my mum said to me years ago is true. Ex's (even happily married ones like mine) will sniff about occasionally to see if they can get some on the side. They figure it's easier to get us to sleep with them because we have already.

I have had two other message me (no dick pics thankfully so no need to block) but it always seems to lead to an uncomfortable conversation where I have to make it clear nothing like that is happening. Funnily enough they tend to go away after that (though not my persistent 'first love')

And for the pp's who are a) reminiscing fondly on abandoning their children and b) having an emotional affair with an ex - you are just awful people. I'd say it's sad for the loved ones whose lives you have destroyed/are about to destroy but clearly they are better off without you.

Coronavirusconcern · 23/02/2020 04:00

I think about mine all the time, probably too often if I’m honest.

We were together 10 years from the age of 16 and I decided I had to leave him because I’d cheated on him.

6 years on, I still have no idea why I cheated and ruined something so special.

StarlightLady · 23/02/2020 06:33

That was a long time ago. I’m in my 40s now and back then l was 14/15. If l met him again now and the circumstances were right, l’d lay him for old times sake. Strictly as a one off though!

dottycat123 · 23/02/2020 09:02

I also dream about mine, I feel very emotionally unsettled after. I haven't seen him for about 35 years but in my dreams we are teenagers again. He was the love of my life and despite being mostly happily married for many years I wish I had done things differently. I do some low key Facebook stalking but would never contact him. I am pleased he seems happy with his family.

maddiemookins16mum · 23/02/2020 09:54

Yes. I can also never hear True by Spandau Ballet without thinking of him. We’re friends on FB and he has a lovely wife and grown up girls.
That said, he was an awful kisser.

Giggorata · 23/02/2020 10:22

I think about him often.

ilovebagpuss · 23/02/2020 10:40

I’m married to mine 28 years since we met this year at 16. Sometimes I think should we have done that isn’t it really old fashioned. society tells you it should be like Bridget Jones in and out of love trying different relationships you must be an idiot or naive to be happy with your first love.
But we are happy so sometimes you just have to go with old fashioned.

LittleSweet · 23/02/2020 10:54

I wonder if he rapes and tries to suffocate his wife like he did to me.

motortroll · 23/02/2020 11:09

I do! It was definitely live at first sight and he's always been there for me. I haven't spoken to or seen him in a few years but I know if I called him with a crisis he'd be there.

He's a very special person. We were together 6 years and engaged and owned a house.

I'm happily married for 15 years but there will always be a little heart twinge for my first love on occasion!

HellonHeels · 23/02/2020 11:41

I loved him madly, it was all very on-off because I put up with anything to be with him. He was a spiritual seeker Blush
Finally cut him off for good when he sent me a self-absorbed letter in which he pondered whether or not he wanted to remain friends with me. I saw the light and never responded.

20 years later I facebook stalked him to find that he'd become an alt-right conspiracy theorist. Bloody hell.

HellonHeels · 23/02/2020 11:43

LittleSweet that is horrific Sad Im glad you are not with him now. Hope you are doing well Flowers

TheClitterati · 23/02/2020 12:21

I'm 52 now & still see him every couple of years - we are lifelong friends and I don't think about how much I loved him in my teens at all these days

Well until the last week that is - I've had THREE lovely romantically loved up dreams where we are together. Bizarre. But lovely if not a little out of the blue & confusing.

vampirethriller · 23/02/2020 12:37

Yes, he died in his sleep a few years ago. He was very sweet. When I was 13 he was two years older and I thought he was wonderful.

toffeeghirl · 23/02/2020 12:56

Split from my first live at 18 after 2 years because I felt suffocated. We tried to grow up too fast, too soon. We moved in together and the reality was disastrous. We argued over finances constantly and he didn't like me seeing my friends. A few years ago, I saw his name in the obituaries. It was definitely him as he had a particular middle name that I recognised. Age, deceased parents names matched up etc. We were both only early 40s at the time so it was a shock. A couple of years ago, I saw a distant relative of his and plucked up the courage to ask what had happened. It was all very sad. He had died alone with untreated cancer. He had never married or had kids.

My second love was the love of my life. Met him shortly after the above so still quite young and naive. He was nothing like my previous bf. He was a serial cheat, compulsive liar and non committal. I should have ran for the hills. Silly girl that I was, I was besotted with him. I had an early miscarriage and weeks later he disappeared. He eventually reappeared and said a woman had said she was pregnant with his child. She would have already been pregnant when I miscarried. I didn't believe him because he lied so much. But we stopped seeing each other. He absolutely broke my heart. He'd turn up months later and stir my feelings up again then disappear.
About 2 years later my best friend found out that the pregnant OW did exist after all. I was devastated. I honestly didn't believe him at the time. Moreover, she already had 3 kids and was much older. They went on to have 2dc together by the time he was 21!
Life moved on for me but I held this unrealistic romantic image of him for years even knowing the reality. I still dream of him and he's perpetually 19!
I recently found him on SM (no contact, but low level stalked.) All my unrealistic dreams finally shattered. He had another 2dc with my former flat mate (I always suspected something had gone on we were together.)
He was a grandad before he reached 40. He now has several dgc. All his boyish good looks have gone. (He was boyband beautiful back in the day.) I don't think he has much contact with any of his family.
He looks bloody awful - sad, lonely, pathetic.
Just bizarre I still dream of this beautiful 19 year old Hmm

MrsT1405 · 23/02/2020 13:06

Yes it did cost me my dc. My daughter hasn't spoken for 12 years and I've not met my grandsons. My son speaks occasionally via WhatsApp and I've met my granddaughter once. Same for my dh.

milksoffagain · 23/02/2020 13:22

MrsT1405 - wow. Your poor daughter. Your going back to a first love must feel to her like you airbrushed out her very existence. Hope this man is worth it, do you have kids together? You'll probably need them when the karma bus comes around and it's your turn...

lostinleaves · 23/02/2020 13:34

Yes it did cost me my dc. My daughter hasn't spoken for 12 years and I've not met my grandsons. My son speaks occasionally via WhatsApp and I've met my granddaughter once.

Why would you put a man before your children and grandchildren?
What kind of message does that send to your children?

dottycat123 · 23/02/2020 14:29

However much I loved my first love I love my dc more.

Frownette · 23/02/2020 15:07

LittleSweet :(

No I don't think of first (only) love - we split 8 years ago. He used to write every year and I never asked him which country he's in/what he's doing. Occassionally I see him as a snapshot so very detached.

Frownette · 23/02/2020 15:31

Perhaps she didn't have a happy family life. A lot of women become the family scapegoat.