How to protect kids from being manipulated?

[Outingpost]

That.

If you can’t cut contact between a young child and a manipulative emotional abuser, how do you prevent them from falling for their glittery traps and ruining their self esteem ?

Any experiences welcome.

My children don’t see their grandparents on one side alone. Neither do their cousins, we visit them on special occasions and have a nice meal or something but there is always myself, dh with them to rebuff and shenanigans from happening.

I'm not sure if you can. Adults struggle with manipulation, even the most emotionally robust and confident child wouldn't be equipped, surely?

We tried with a family member, it was a disaster. I'm only sorry I tried and exposed a child to their ridiculous shenanigans. We'd assumed they would choose their grandchildren over the opportunity to be a bastard. We were wrong.

How strange we both chose the word Shenanigans @Shookethtothecore.

How old is the child?
Do they know that the person in question and their parent don't get along?
Is the person in question a friend, parent or extended family?

Is the other person an adult or the same age?

The child is still 2 and a baby, so I have pleeeenty of time to plan what to do.

But I’m gonna trust my mummy instincts and my experience with said person to know fully well they plan on manipulating my kids because they’re already using them to hurt me and lack empathy but unfortunately have too much influence and power.

I just want to know to be ready and avoid it altogether

strawberrylipgloss

The manipulator is an adult. Who behaves in a loving way when they need something and then in emotionally abusive ways when it suits their dynamic.

But it’s all too indirect it’s hard to call it out

My kids do not see my parents ever as they are emotionally abusive and the only way to stop the cycle of abuse is to make sure that there is no contact. They are teens and never had contact with my parents. They've seen a pic because they've been interested but nothing more.

My kids see their Dad who isn't emotionally abusive but regularly disappoints them iyswim. I don't know how this has affected their self-esteem but over the years they know to take everything he says with a pinch of salt. They are old enough to choose no contact but they see him every fortnight.

If you're after an anecdote about the child's friend doing this then happy to reply later

The person is indeed a grandparent (in laws).

I’m civil with the grandparents but keep an emotional and geographic distance to limit contact.

I wouldn’t want to tell my children that I and their grandparents don’t get along.

Mil enjoyed the attention she gets by making her kids complete for her attention in a toxic manner..
She has already started undermining one of my kids in favor of the other.

It makes me insecure as I’m at a stage of building that bond between my kids. They’re only little but I feel worried.

I hope I manage to build a strong enough bond between them that she doesn’t infiltrate

@Outingpost I’m concerned your my sister in law tbh. (Your not, she only has one child and feels the same as me) but that’s exactly my concerns, what does your DH think? My life could much easier when DH got onboard with how we dealt with it. We agreed not to cut out Completely but heavily monitor contact and only at “occasions” my dh will very firmly put them in their place (mil is the main issue) and then we get the silent treatment for weeks, which is fine as we don’t actually want to see them.

@SharpieInThe because that’s what it is, bloody shenanigans, it exhausted me for so long

Never never unsupervised contact op
..

Same @Shookethtothecore, I'll never put my kids through that again.

Yeh I think I’ll stick to no unsupervised contact (at the risk of being called controlling),

And I’ll make sure the kids know how fiercely me and their father love them , and equally, so that no one can come in between us as a unit.

You can't. Sorry.

I saw this side of the family in the week- a big birthday meal, my children were wedged inbetween us at a restaurant- with toys and things to engage them, my husband and I either side of them and we never left the table, we did toilet trips together and the toys were used as a distraction and we changed conversation when they started with the emotional blackmail of them and playing them off against eachother- it took 2 hours and I was exhausted, wrecked my diet with the wine and cheesecake needed to consume to stop me running my mouth but it went without them being harmed and we don’t have to do it again till Easter probably. Bet I can do and this is how we cope

Best*