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Original poster

Is your life better, worse, or the same as you were expecting it to be?

60 replies

EmmaNumberThree · 22/02/2020 17:05

Just an idle musing, really.

I’m not sure this is how I thought my life would turn out.

I’ve got 2 amazing DC, a good job, a nice home and I’m financially ok.

But my eldest DC struggles with his mental health, I’m divorced, NC with my mum, and never seem to have 5 minutes to myself.

I just wondered if your lives were turning out how you thought they would?

OP posts:

Singlenotsingle · 22/02/2020 21:36

Yes but it took a long while to get here. I would say up to age 50 there were problems.

Casino218 · 22/02/2020 21:58

No I would say it's better than I expected it to be. I grew up with an alcoholic father and depressed mother. We were quite poor. I'm happily married. Have a successful well paid career. Two lovely children. Nice house. Good friends. I engineered all that though. I took numerous qualifications, went for tricky job interviews, married a kind man not a charming vain one. So I don't believe it's chance.

DDIJ · 22/02/2020 21:59

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

user1493413286 · 22/02/2020 22:03

I’ve got the big things I wanted and feel incredibly lucky in that way as I didn’t always think I would get them but there are some things that are worse than i expected which are mostly related to the myth I grew up with that women can “have it all”

Fedupwithmyhouse · 22/02/2020 22:04

Much much worse. I fucked it up at about 12. It’s fine and it’ll do me but I wish I could go back.

IndianaMoleWoman · 22/02/2020 22:06

In terms of career much worse. I did well at school/college/uni, through extremely hard work and against the odds, but I’ve discovered that academic success doesn’t translate into career success without confidence and the ability to engage in small talk and be charming to others. This sounds arrogant, but I feel surrounded by less capable people who are just great at bullshitting and talking themselves up that are so much more successful than me and I find it very frustrating and quite hard to deal with at times.

However, I’ve always been an introvert so assumed I would never marry or have children. But I met my wonderful DH and we have two children who are the light of our lives. I feel so lucky to have all three of them (especially when I read the relationships board!) and I know it’s very cheesy but I wouldn’t swap them for all the money and career success in the world.

My life is the exact opposite of what I imagined - I saw career success for myself but no relationship/family. But I’m glad it’s turned out this way.

TreesSandSea · 22/02/2020 22:06

Better. Happy healthy kids, love DH, love my home, been successful in my work and enjoy it.

Still feels like hard work though. I am main breadwinner and it does feel a big responsibility. I have a chronic health problem that gives me pain and I get quite tired.

I do feel very lucky though.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 22/02/2020 22:06

It's not as lucrative as I hoped, but I live under a mortgage free roof, I'm with my first and only love, and our DD turned out better than we could have hoped. Oh, and DGS is the best surprise I've ever had.

AudacityOfHope · 22/02/2020 22:07

It's as I hoped it would be. I'm really lucky.

Stroller15 · 22/02/2020 22:07

Worse financially. I was spoiled as a child and took it for granted. It's hard being the one on paying for my champagne taste on a beer budget now.

Withorwithouthim · 22/02/2020 22:11

Much worse, I have excellent qualifications but no career, a job that doesn't pay enough and a husband who I shouldn't have married.

GetUpAgain · 22/02/2020 22:12

I had quite a dramatic/traumatic childhood and always wanted to have an average, settled down adult life. Living in a semi where your mum makes you take your shoes off by the door and there's school photos going up the stairs.

So I do have what I wished for but actually sometimes it is a bit DULL and a slog, and I wish I had made a few different decisions along the way.

OntheWaves40 · 22/02/2020 22:12

Worse. I was quite spoiled as a child and brought up to believe I could be anything I wanted to be. The reality is quite different. I was told if I tried hard at school and worked hard I could be whatever I wanted. From a father in the 70 and 80s who stayed in same company and worked his way from apprentice to manager. Whatas I left uni and have been stuck in minimum wage job.

OntheWaves40 · 22/02/2020 22:13

Worse. My parents have been married 50 years and I assumed i’d get married and live happily ever after. I’m a single parent with two DC and zero support.

JamesNesbittsBrows · 22/02/2020 22:14

Way better. I was mentally very unwell as a kid and assumed I'd never have a partner and/or dc or friends.

I'm delighted to report I have absolutely lovely dh, dc and friends. My career is really interesting too.

I've had ups and downs of course especially with my health and family issues but I'm blessed to have a life overflowing with loving lovely people so yes way way better than I assumed.

AdaColeman · 22/02/2020 22:14

Worse, much much worse.

Candlecandle · 22/02/2020 22:17

Really interesting question!

So sad to read 'worse' responses. So much is down to luck. Life can be so unfair.

In my case- so far- better than I expected, feel very lucky. Healthy kids and lovely partner. The only thing which I didn't anticipate is the worry that comes (in my case) with being an adult, both worrying about children and elderly unwell parents. But that's all part of it I guess and overall extremely lucky.

SinkGirl · 22/02/2020 22:27

Better and worse I suppose.

Never thought I’d be able to have children, for a long time was sure I wouldn’t ever own a house, etc. We can get by with me working very very part time.

But my children have disabilities, my health is awful and I couldn’t work a regular job if I had to, I got a degree and had big aspirations for my career but thanks to my health that all went up in smoke. Only own a house because my mum died and I’d much rather have her with me.

I feel very alone and like I live in a different world to almost everyone else. I see all my friends with their kids developing normally and growing up and mine are trapped in the baby stage - it impacts every tiny thing about our lives in ways no one would imagine if they haven’t experienced it. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to work again, we have no pensions, I don’t know if our children will ever live independently. I don’t let myself think about the future because it scares me to death.

OhTheRoses · 22/02/2020 22:39

When I was 11/12ish I wanted a big house on the seafront and was going to marry a GP or Bank Manager, have three girls and my own little car. Don't think me working came into it.

So. Dropped out of uni, did secretarial course then 9 months in Switzerland. Fell into a City job on a syndicate desk and started selling . Met DH v late 20s. So married a lawyer, we stayed in Lindon for years. Had one boy, one girl. I went back to work and did well again.

Never in a zillion years expected to have my own career or that a DH would be quite so successful.

Life has been kinder than one woukd gave anticipated for a plain mouse who grew up thinking she was pretty rubbish.

TalkUsernameYoudLike · 22/02/2020 22:47

A lot better. I had an unfortunate childhood at times, but I now have a relatively good job (considering I have zero qualifications), a lovely DH and a beautiful DS. We are comfortable money-wise and we are very rich in family and support. Feels like I have won the life lottery.

Bobbybobbins · 22/02/2020 22:50

In most ways good - I have a lovely DH, a job I love and we are financially comfortable. Happy with friendships.

But parenthood has been much worse. We have two disabled DC and that has been the hardest thing I have had to deal with.

ParkheadParadise · 22/02/2020 22:54

A bit of both
I was a teenage single mum. Just me and dd for a long time.
I met DH and my life totally changed for the better.
I have a lovely home, nice car and financially very well off.
My dd died 4yrs ago, when I was pregnant with dd2.
My life has a sadness now that will never go away.
Although I am grateful to have DH and Dd2 and the lifestyle I have, there will always be something missing.

movinggoalposts · 22/02/2020 23:05

I don’t think I expected anything In particular but if I’d known parts of it were going to be this hard, I think I’d have done a runner. When your cancer isn’t the worst thing to have happened to you recently, you know things have gone properly pear shaped. However, we’re still luckier than many so I am grateful for that.

datasgingercatspot · 22/02/2020 23:06

Worse. Far, far worse.

ProfessorRadcliffeEmerson · 22/02/2020 23:08

Better - unimaginably better after a poor and neglectful (but not abusive) childhood. First in my family to go to university, had no idea starting out what my options might be. Twenty-seven years later I’m in a senior public sector job that I love, happily married and coming up to my silver wedding in a couple of years, with a happy and healthy DD. I could be earning much more money in the private sector but I earn enough for all of us now, and I wouldn’t change my brilliant colleagues for any amount of money.

ParkheadParadise

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