Please help me settle a dispute

[yesnomaybedunno]

When writing our names on things as a family, so for example singing our names in birthday and Christmas cards, on the family calendar where everyone has their own space for daily activities and putting our names on our message board, I ALWAYS sign it off from eldest child to the youngest child.

That's what everyone does yes? Surely....? Anyway I think it's easiest, most fair, and just plain simple. But DH....oooohh nooooo. That's unfair apparently We might be giving the middle child a complex that might make the middle child feel less special (I know, I know, sigh)

So his suggestion is that we mix it up from time to time. Put the youngest to oldest and so on. I think it's pointless, ridiculous and can't actually believe this is a 'thing' which gets brought up.
It made me laugh the first 5 times, now it just makes me angry when I'm asked why I out oldest child's name first.

So....Aibu? Is HE being unreasonable?

FWIW, oldest child is mine from previous relationship, middle child is from his previous relationship, and we have a little baby together and considering having another 🙂

My point is that if the kids were between us only, this wouldn't be a 'thing'at all, it would just be standard. But because DC1 is mine, I feel he resents thats DC2 name doesn't go first. If DC2 was older.....I'd put her name first because to me, that makes sense.

I don't want to COMPLETELY shun his opinion, hence asking here if iabu. But I'm pretty sure I'm not! Any psychologists out there? 😅

We have an amazing relationship and pretty much agree on everything else and have very similar parenting styles. He doesn't do 'gentle parenting' either which is why I'm so surprised at his concern of causing a complex.

So as not to drip feed...we see DC2 every other weekend plus the Monday after the weekend we don't have contact. DC2 mother is a parental alienator and tried every trick in the book to try to stop all contact. We've just come through 3 years of hell and 52k of court fees because of her attempts to stop us from seeing DC2, so I think this could be skewing his judgement slightly and perhaps why he quite rightly is concerned about DC2 wellbeing but please tell me if I'm being unfair 🙈

I'll probably show him the replies so please be nice😁

I always go oldest to youngest. If you go youngest to oldest the middle child will still be in the middle

If it’s a big deal for him, why not just do it? I occasionally sign cards with DS2 then DS1 to mix it up a bit. Why not?

Oldest to youngest always.

If you have 3 and mix it up going youngest to oldest, his DC will still be in the middle anyway

When he buys the cards, presents and gift wrap, wraps the presents and writes the cards out, he can put whatever child he wants first in the list?

How about if you write them you do it the way you want, and if he writes them he can do it the way he wants? So you guys take turns writing the cards basically. Or if the kids are actually looking at these things to see who’s name is first then surly they can just write their own names? Total none issue though!

Surely you don’t dictate how he signs off cards and presents that he buys, wraps, writes, and delivers?

I'm gonna to guess that he never writes the cards, sorts the presents, etc ...

Yup. Tell him to buy and write the poxy cards if he's that bothered.

I think he has a point. Retired psychotherapist here.

I do do oldest you youngest but they are both ours. However, if it’s my family I write my name first, his family I put his name. Could you do the same?

Ime parents of blended dc always want them to have preferential treatment... I list my dc is age order. Had no complaints from any dc and would tell them to not be so silly if I did. Bet you couldn't and bet he wouldn't dare say that to them.
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He's a nutter. But, as others have said, let him crack on with the buying, wrapping, writing and posting and he can write what the fuck he likes.

I'm a middle child of many @onalingsabbatical. I may have issues but always having my name written in the midst of siblings isn't one of them...

Buy extra cards so that each child can send their own.

Just write ‘and kids’, job done.

As the youngest of a big family I can honestly say it didn't bother me being last. Oldest to youngest made sense and I never felt it had negative connotations.

I do oldest to youngest but sometimes it's "the mob"

we've always done oldest to youngest as my parents did. It sounds weird to say it differently

It really doesn't matter, but it does seem to for him and the middle dc.

I mean it makes sense as oldest to youngest as a 'default' but if someone is upset why not? It's only a minuscule amount of additional thought.
Maybe write it alphabetical or by shoe size or by height, for cards whoever gets to it first, mix up, think of weirder and more obscure orders.

Yes its ridiculous to be upset over but equally silly to insist on doing something the 'right' way when it clearly bothers others.

I always go oldest to youngest, whoever writes out the cards gets to decide.

If go oldest to youngest too, it's makes chronicological (sp) sense.

Maybe have the f

When writing cards to other people I always mix up the order of the children and have a different order inside than on the envelope.

In your case I would do your child, shared child, his child on your calendar etc as his child doesn't live with you.

On card I sign I do me, daughter who lives with me then partner who doesn't

Oldest to youngest.

Children sign their own names?

Sorry ds grabbed my phone mid type.

I've never heard of doing it any other way except eldest youngest.