Please help me settle a dispute

[yesnomaybedunno]

When writing our names on things as a family, so for example singing our names in birthday and Christmas cards, on the family calendar where everyone has their own space for daily activities and putting our names on our message board, I ALWAYS sign it off from eldest child to the youngest child.

That's what everyone does yes? Surely....? Anyway I think it's easiest, most fair, and just plain simple. But DH....oooohh nooooo. That's unfair apparently We might be giving the middle child a complex that might make the middle child feel less special (I know, I know, sigh)

So his suggestion is that we mix it up from time to time. Put the youngest to oldest and so on. I think it's pointless, ridiculous and can't actually believe this is a 'thing' which gets brought up.
It made me laugh the first 5 times, now it just makes me angry when I'm asked why I out oldest child's name first.

So....Aibu? Is HE being unreasonable?

FWIW, oldest child is mine from previous relationship, middle child is from his previous relationship, and we have a little baby together and considering having another 🙂

My point is that if the kids were between us only, this wouldn't be a 'thing'at all, it would just be standard. But because DC1 is mine, I feel he resents thats DC2 name doesn't go first. If DC2 was older.....I'd put her name first because to me, that makes sense.

I don't want to COMPLETELY shun his opinion, hence asking here if iabu. But I'm pretty sure I'm not! Any psychologists out there? 😅

We have an amazing relationship and pretty much agree on everything else and have very similar parenting styles. He doesn't do 'gentle parenting' either which is why I'm so surprised at his concern of causing a complex.

So as not to drip feed...we see DC2 every other weekend plus the Monday after the weekend we don't have contact. DC2 mother is a parental alienator and tried every trick in the book to try to stop all contact. We've just come through 3 years of hell and 52k of court fees because of her attempts to stop us from seeing DC2, so I think this could be skewing his judgement slightly and perhaps why he quite rightly is concerned about DC2 wellbeing but please tell me if I'm being unfair 🙈

My mum always signed oldest to youngest.

So did all her siblings when writing to us.

I also always write mums sisters first and their husbands or brothers first and their wife's.

When writing cards to cousins I out my cousin first and then spouses and children in age order.

I didn't realise it was thing as such. Just something I do subconsciously I guess?

But your situation is different. But then whatever way you write it if you think it's a heirachy then a) your own child together means more, b) step child means more despite not FT resident or c) your own child means more. But that's the thing isn't it? It's not about who means the most. It's about adding on names as people come along and join the family!

I'm a middle child in a blended family and not mentally scarred by our parents always writing our names oldest to youngest; that order makes sense and is fair.

If you start switching the order up then that would indicate that there is some big issue around name order, when actually it's completely irrelevant. Your husband needs to grow up and stop making problems where there are none.

Always oldest to youngest.

@yesnomaybedunno I say he has a point because, in my experience, it's often the small unnoticed things that can focus the hurt in a child that's already hurting for other reasons and conversely by giving attention to the little things you let a child know that you're aware of them and that they might have needs that aren't being met. The blended family thing and the circumstances you mention make the child extra vulnerable to perceiving that they're being overlooked. It's such a mall thing to put right (not that it's wrong) and could actually give the child a sense of importance they may be lacking. I think given that your normally mild DP is making a point of it, well, why not? Nothing to lose and potentially everything to gain. The fact that for most people such a thing is neither here nor there is meaningless. Children are hurt by such irrelevances because they're not maturely rational - and the more instances in their lives, the less they mature rationally in a timely way, so the difficulties are compounded. Hope that's helpful OP.

Just mix it up some times like he’s suggests, why are you making this a thing?

I just leave the cards on the kitchen counter & the kids all write in them in random order & random places. Sometimes they do kisses or draw a little picture. Its a card not an entrance exam

I always get the DC to write their own names so the order just depends on which one I come across first
I think as this clearly is important to your DP I would do as he suggests