Please help me settle a dispute

[yesnomaybedunno]

When writing our names on things as a family, so for example singing our names in birthday and Christmas cards, on the family calendar where everyone has their own space for daily activities and putting our names on our message board, I ALWAYS sign it off from eldest child to the youngest child.

That's what everyone does yes? Surely....? Anyway I think it's easiest, most fair, and just plain simple. But DH....oooohh nooooo. That's unfair apparently We might be giving the middle child a complex that might make the middle child feel less special (I know, I know, sigh)

So his suggestion is that we mix it up from time to time. Put the youngest to oldest and so on. I think it's pointless, ridiculous and can't actually believe this is a 'thing' which gets brought up.
It made me laugh the first 5 times, now it just makes me angry when I'm asked why I out oldest child's name first.

So....Aibu? Is HE being unreasonable?

FWIW, oldest child is mine from previous relationship, middle child is from his previous relationship, and we have a little baby together and considering having another 🙂

My point is that if the kids were between us only, this wouldn't be a 'thing'at all, it would just be standard. But because DC1 is mine, I feel he resents thats DC2 name doesn't go first. If DC2 was older.....I'd put her name first because to me, that makes sense.

I don't want to COMPLETELY shun his opinion, hence asking here if iabu. But I'm pretty sure I'm not! Any psychologists out there? 😅

We have an amazing relationship and pretty much agree on everything else and have very similar parenting styles. He doesn't do 'gentle parenting' either which is why I'm so surprised at his concern of causing a complex.

So as not to drip feed...we see DC2 every other weekend plus the Monday after the weekend we don't have contact. DC2 mother is a parental alienator and tried every trick in the book to try to stop all contact. We've just come through 3 years of hell and 52k of court fees because of her attempts to stop us from seeing DC2, so I think this could be skewing his judgement slightly and perhaps why he quite rightly is concerned about DC2 wellbeing but please tell me if I'm being unfair 🙈

I would go oldest to youngest. Otherwise people get confused.

One year middle child wrote the cards and put order dc2, dc3, me, dc1, dh (after a falling out with dc1 and dh)
Cue a fair number of people saying "I couldn't work out who the couple was "dc2 & dc3" then I realised it was in a funny order."

I'm the middle dc, and lots of things have given me a complex but not having my name permanently in the middle.

I agree with other posters in doing children oldest to youngest. Otherwise maybe alphabetical?
Out of interest whose name goes first out of the two of you?

Oldest to youngest here too but for arguments sake can’t you just sign yours and DPs name and then write ‘& the kids’ as a collective.

I'm the youngest of a large family. At a family gathering a few years ago my sister decided to do the seating plan by age. So my parents sat at one end, with my sister and her partner either side of them, then my siblings in age order on one side opposite their partners. I was at the other end. she then put nieces and nephews before my husband but that's because she is a bitch.

So yeah, I do think it gets a bit old constantly ordering by age.

I'm sure he'd be happy to take over the present/card organisation and then write names as he sees fit 🙄

I go oldest to youngest, youngest feels this is very unfair and wrong! I am an oldest child and wonder whether I'd feel more inclined to mix it up if I was the youngest!!

Whoever writes the card decides. So if he wants to step up and do his fair share of card & gift buying/giving, he'll have plenty of opportunity to write the names in whatever order he desires.

Oldest to youngest, or if I'm getting tired "and family".

let each child write their own name.

I always do oldest to youngest without question. I've got 4.
If your dh wants to talk about getting a complex tell him that because I'm a twin cards written to us (not from) were often "to 'dad name' 'mum name' 'big brother name' 'big sister name' and 'the twins '!! And I'm fine psychologically

Just write "love from The MaybeDunnos".

If you are both on the card does his name go first as the eldest?

If I send a card from the family, I put my name, DHs name and 'the girls'. If DH sends the card his name goes first, but it's still 'the girls'.
It doesn't bother you which order the names go in, but it does him, so why not go wi what he wants? Oh, and make sure he signs the cards!

It depends as DSS name is the same as DP and I don't like putting them together so I normally sign Me, DP, DD and DSS or if I remember to put DP name first I do DP, ME, DSS AND DD as DSS is older.

If you're sending the card to his family then his name, your name then DC2 name first of the kids . Your family, your name, his name, then DC1 first of the kids.
Poor DC3 will always be last however, is DH worried about that?

We have a blended family and issues with DSD having parental alienation due to her mother. I would definitely mix things up in a blended family, not go oldest to youngest all the time. Step families need way more TLC than non step relations

My extended family does age order. But to be fair, I'd say when he takes over the mental load/wife work of remembering all occasions, buying the presents, wrapping them and writing the cards, he can put the names in whatever order he wishes.

Always oldest to youngest and I was the youngest child. No complex.

He can do it that way on all the cards he does.

I always do oldest to youngest, but agree whenever he's writing them out I guess hardly ever he can do whatever he likes!

Oldest child to youngest of course!

Thanks for all the replies. To be clear, no I would never dictate what he writes on a card! Nor could I care less who he put first/last etc, but it is usually me who writes them and he takes issue when I put names in chronological order. Last night I changed up the message board which we keep in the hall (similar one pictured)

I thought I'd put all our children's name on it, again in order of birth. DH asked why I put eldest child's name first 🙈I explained that it's the same reason as last, because I think it's easiest that way and just fair. But he would never in a million years even THINK to go change the message board. Never! It would say happy Easter from last year if I left it up to him and he wouldn't even notice!

Why doesn't he want eldest child's name first? It's making me think he resents him? I don't know, probably overthinking this total non issue now as he KEEPS bringing it up. But yeah he can write the cards and I'd rather change the names up than keep on arguing about this which seems just absolutely mad.

@onalongsabbatical it's really interesting you should say that. Does he have a point because we are a blended family? Or would it remain the same if we were otherwise?

Fwiw when I'm writing a card and the kids are there, they would always sign their own names. But if not, I do tend to write....and kids

Oops forgot to post in previous message

This is probably what bothers him most. If it's not an occasion or someone's birthday etc etc. I just like having the kids names on the board. He would NEVER change it himself.

Perhaps he feels I always put eldest first out of preference? I don't know. He knows I utterly adore DC2 and end up giving her preferential treatment because she's so incredibly cute and knows how to twist me around her little finger 😅perhaps he thinks I feel she's not as important, but the thing is, if her name was to go before DC1 then perhaps DC1 would get a 'complex' and wonder why? This is where it begins to get ridiculous. Which is why chronological order makes sense but he just doesn't see it the same way. I'm exhausted even thinking about it tbh. Feels really silly

Always oldest to youngest here. It’s the order they joined the family. The youngest gets added to the end. Makes sense. It doesn’t sound right to me when it’s in a different order!