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How would you feel if your friend backed out of being your bridesmaid?

101 replies

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 21/02/2020 11:08

One of my closest, longest friends has asked me to be a bridesmaid when she gets married in 3 months, I said yes (I didn’t really know what else to say!)

I have atrocious self esteem, I’m 8 stone overweight (have lost 8 stone but I’m now still fat but also saggy and wobbly...) and am absolutely dreading standing up there infront of 100 guests next to the 3 other bridesmaids who are all beautiful and will look amazing. I could, and have, cry, at the thought of standing up there.

She has said we can choose the style of dress but she wants the colour to be champagne. I’m v pale and red faced, champagne looks awful on me. I’ve bought and tried 9 dresses and they all look awful. This isn’t just my self esteem talking either, I have 2 lovely friends who have kindly suggested we find a different dress each time!

If I bow out then I worry about how it will affect our friendship and the groomsmen/bridesmaids will be unbalanced in pictures.

I love her and I would love to be a part of her day but this is stressing me out beyond anything else right now, I don’t want to do it but what would you think if your bridesmaid said this to you?

OP posts:
Butterbeeeen · 21/02/2020 20:30

OP for context my own DD is not a girly girl at all. Lives in tracksuits and trainers and is mortified at the thought of a dress. I asked her to be my bridesmaid (I’m marrying her dad) and she has refused as she doesn’t want to wear a dress. I am obviously sad about this however her feelings come first and I couldn’t enjoy my day knowing she wasn’t comfortable. Hopefully your friend will feel the same way about you.

Dozer · 21/02/2020 20:37

That’s great! Good that you were able to have the conversation and good response from your friend!

Now you can crack on with finding an outfit in one of those colours and look forward to the day.

Great news!

FourDecades · 21/02/2020 20:41

8 stone!! My gosh... that is absolutely AMAZING!!!

Oh... and l think you and your friend have a really special friendship. Not many ofvus can say that.

As to the other friend....she can go fuck herself.

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FourDecades · 21/02/2020 20:42

@Butterbeeeen why does she have to.wear a dress to be a bridesmaid?

burnoutbabe · 21/02/2020 21:01

yep why can't she wear a cool trouser suit or whatever?

eggofmantumbi · 21/02/2020 21:11

What a lovely lovely friendship you two must have.
I'm sure she and you will have a fabulous day. I'm so pleased for you that you spoke to her and your mind is now at ease x

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 21/02/2020 22:22

Well. There's a friendship. That's cheered me right up OP, I hope you both have a lovely day Thanks

Butterbeeeen · 21/02/2020 22:23

Oh she can wear what ever she likes we have discussed this but she absolutely will not budge. Bridesmaids are way to girly in her mind. She can wear what she likes as long as she is comfortable and happy in her own skin.

SinkGirl · 21/02/2020 22:31

So pleased your friend is as awesome as you.

Now please do some work on your self esteem. I’ve felt like you do and it’s just awful. You have already done amazingly well. Please be kind to yourself Flowers

Weffiepops · 21/02/2020 23:52

Be honest with her now and let her have her say

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 22/02/2020 06:58

Thanks all, I’ve woken up feeling so much better about it. I went through the internet on my phone and closed the 21 tabs I had open with dresses or tips on how to not be noticed!

I’m so glad I spoke to her (and she was so understanding!)

OP posts:
Tinselette1940 · 22/02/2020 07:08

She sounds like a lovely friend OP

Proudownerofplants · 22/02/2020 09:27

I'm really heartened to read this, glad you feel much better now, hope you enjoy the day Flowers

BaolFan · 22/02/2020 12:08

Your friend sounds lovely and I am so pleased that you are feeling happier.

Well done on losing 8 stone - that is an amazing achievement!

hellsbells99 · 22/02/2020 12:36

Hi Op. I am glad you have sorted it out - great result.
Someone has posted a link on one of your other threads to a lovely dress - thinking of ordering it myself for wedding!
www.debenhams.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/prod_10701_10001_54510+230602852_-1?CMP=AFC-CJ-2617611-3640522&CJEVENT=355eeac0556d11ea82bd00df0a180511

Mumdiva99 · 22/02/2020 12:58

This is such a lovely outcome. I'm so pleased for you. Enjoy her special day.

mamaoffourdc · 22/02/2020 14:07

She is a keeper xx

FourDecades · 22/02/2020 22:20

@Butterbeeeen - she could be a Groomslady

florababy84 · 22/02/2020 23:46

Now this is how you do friendship! So pleased for you OP and I'm sure you'll look lovely on the day in a colour you like.

DreemOn · 23/02/2020 00:24

Great result OP 💐

Well done o your weight loss - that's amazing.

Taxanimal · 01/03/2020 17:48

Could you be a best (wo)man instead? I’m saggy & low in self esteem and I feel much better in a suit than a dress, would that work for you? Then you could still be there for her but not in a way which makes you uncomfortable? Xx

ddl1 · 01/03/2020 18:28

I would talk to her about it, as pp have suggested. Once she realizes why you're doing this, and that you're not just being flakey, then I'm sure a real friend would understand. You could perform some other role at the wedding, or she might even relax the colour rules for you. Champagne colour wouldn't look good on me either, or on quite a lot of people.

ddl1 · 01/03/2020 18:30

Now that I've RTFT, I see that your friend is really positive and understanding about it. Which must be a huge relief. Enjoy the wedding!

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