Tiktok

[Zombiemum1946]

We've discovered our daughter has been gifting money on tiktok. £2300 has left her dad's account. Has anyone had any success in getting the money back ?

OP didn't ask for advice on whether or not her child should be using tiktok she asked for advice on how to get her money back.

Indeed. However it's perfectly fine to point out the danger, particularly as the money is the lesser problem.

Some of the replies on here are bullying and i dont think it is called for.

That's a really serious accusation. Particularly as you go on to talk about this...

In a week where we have had a major celebrity kill herself due to bullying I think we all need to stop being so judgemental and just be kind.

I don't disagree. But it's ok to point out the flaws In giving a 9 year old TikTok.

In a week where a celebrity killed herself due to bullying it is more important than ever to emphasise social media is NOT suitable for 9 year olds.

That's not bullying, it's bloody sensible.

OP has made a mistake. We all make mistakes

Indeed. We do. It's ok to talk about them, acknowledging them can help prevent others from making the same mistake.

OP I just wanted to say this is a very judgy thread. IRL most children have Tiktok from Y6 (on private mode). I held out til y7 and will be having a look at it again having read this thread. But you’re having a hard time here and it’s not on imo , any posts here about social media and kids are always super judgemental. Personally I take the view that dialogue is what it’s all about - I did a ton of very dangerous things asa young teen due to a strict upbringing and am taking a very different approach to my own parenting and that includes my approach to social media .

If “most children” have Tik Tok accounts, “most” parents should wise up on safety online.

Most 9 year old’s don’t. However op tries to minimise it.

I rarely post, but did this as I hoped a wider selection of people could give advice and help with how to push back. Thanks to those who did. It's been really helpful and we feel like we've a bit of control back.

'Most 9 year old’s don’t. However op tries to minimise it.'

Quite

Hi op, my cousin did something similar with roblox and google play got my aunt half of £600+. She was happy to get half back. Cousin said he thought it was pretend money as they didn’t ask for password and he was 9yr old to. Children are naive and he now knows a lot more about internet.

I put forward our experience and asked for help. I didn't minimise or promote anything.

Number3or4 I'm glad she got something back. I hope we get something,we'll keep trying.

'The reality is most children are groomed, abused, assaulted and murdered by family members, family friends or those in a position of trust. Yes caution should always be taken with internet access, grooming becoming an increasing danger. As unpalatable as it maybe, the most immediate dangers are much closer to home.'

As you say Op

But I'd certainly step up with your internet controls.

I find it a shocking read

My point about it not being helpful to comment after the event was directed at all the seriously judgy posts essentially calling the OP a bad parent. That's not helpful is it? Yes, it's really good to raise awareness about the risks of the internet, both financial and personal safety, but many times the OP explained her position and people kept coming back hand wringing. When someone's asking for help or advice blaming them is not constructive! Horse bolted and all that, but other people can learn and the OP can try to fix things and we all come away a little wiser.

Another reason why no one under 18 should be allowed on social media.These parents got (lost !) everything they deserve.Next time she might be talking to a man and sending indecent images.

@tootyfruitypickle having a private account doesn't stop them viewing inappropriate content though?

There’s a restricted setting though, for kids, controlled through a parent’s account. I agree social media is a minefield but if kids don’t have their own they’ll just look at a friend’s, it becomes forbidden fruit. My dd isn’t particularly fussed by any of it and I hope that’s because I’ve never made a big issue of it - apart from putting controls all over it. I look at her phone most nights too.

She doesn’t have Instagram. I do have an issue with that for young girls, but she understands why and is supportive of that decision.

@Zombiemum1946

Just curious. What is it about Instagram that makes it seem worse to you than tiktok?

There’s a restricted setting though, for kids, controlled through a parent’s account.

This was announced 2 days ago. It isn't relevant in terms of OPDD usage.

The restricted setting has been in use a while. It’s the linking to a parent account that is new .

I guess we all know our kids - for me, the main risk with social for dd is body image type stuff (in the way girls magazines used to be a risk in my youth) . We’ve talked a lot about it and she understands why she can’t use Instagram at the moment.

I don't believe I said Instagram was any worse than tiktok. She doesn't have an Instagram account. I do, but it mainly consists of people posting holiday pics, or even pictures of the view on the drive to work. I've never posted.

The restricted setting has been in use a while. It’s the linking to a parent account that is new .

I know.

Restricted mode means nothing. Not only does content filter through because people are clever enough to know how to avoid it being restricted, but it's activated from the app, and deactivated in the same way. OP DD could have watched many videos showing how to do it, there are plenty of them on TikTok.

All these controls are not a substitution for parenting.

I guess we all know our kids - for me, the main risk with social for dd is body image type stuff

You are naive at best for thinking this is the main risk. TikTok exposes people to the most horrific things, not to mention the glamorisation of self harm, suicide, underage sex. There is cruelt to animal which you would never want your child to visualise. Body image is just ONE thing to be concerned about.

I totally agree - if I thought for a minute that dd was going to try and circumvent controls she wouldn’t have any of it. That’s my point - open dialogue and discussion is crucial. I’d have found a way around any restrictions and no doubt got myself into all sorts of difficulties as I wouldn’t have dared speak to my parents. DD tells me if a random (elderly!) man smiles at her on the bus! She knows as long as she tells me stuff I’ll never be cross.

But we all parent in the way we see best.

I just think OP came on here sensibly asking for advice, and I doubt would do it a second time! Perhaps we could try and keep MM a supportive place.

I wish our (primary) school had a pound for every time we've had a parent in complaining about what their child has been contending with whilst on social media sites with age restrictions. Lots of demands that we, the school, "sort it out" with little or no acknowledgment that their children shouldn't be on these sites in the first place. All of them trot out the line that, "everyone else is."

I was surprised at how many are on it. Some of the kids in her class have YouTube channels (no that's not happening) and have done for a couple of years.

I just think OP came on here sensibly asking for advice, and I doubt would do it a second time! Perhaps we could try and keep MM a supportive place.

It IS supportive to discuss the problems of a 9 year old using TikTok. It can prevent others a from being so unaware of what their child might see.

You yourself just said..

if I thought for a minute that dd was going to try and circumvent controls she wouldn’t have any of it

But you haven't given a second thought to the fact I pointed out just seconds before that the uploaded also do things to bypass control. They are clever enough to make videos that escape the restricted content control simply because they know the key things the app picks up when placing restrictions.

You have been an absolute example of why we DO need to talk about this when these threads come up. Not to get at the OP, but to try and help people just like you understand what the risk and possible exposure can be.

It comes from a good please and isn't intended to be critical. Just sensible.