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Original poster

Catholic Church- Dont know what to think

109 replies

Crazydaisy11 · 13/02/2020 14:23

I'm a lapsed catholic, go to mass at christmas, funerals etc but not regularly.
My dh is really religious, goes to mass every week, confessions and generally just believes.
I'm not sure about it all, he doesn't preach at me but sometimes will say he is going to confessions and when I ask why he explains about penance and if you die before you confess you go straight to hell.
I haven't been for about 25 years and now I'm scared! I dont know if it's true or if I believe, but I'm scared that if I dont I'll burn in hell.
Part of me thinks that's just a story to control people by the church to get money but what if I'm wrong??
I'm really worried and cant sleep. Any thoughts or should I just ignore and carry on. My general feeling is if you have led a relatively good life, not intentionally hurt people you'll be ok.

OP posts:

Frothybothie · 13/02/2020 14:45

if you believe in the teachings of your religion then yes, follow their teachings, live a life according their sacred text then you will get eternal life in whan many call heaven. If you do not follwo the teachings and do things against the teachings of said religion you will not, and will go somehere less pleasant.

Religion is ouf course faith and faith is a personal belief what whan cannot be directly evidenced is right.

Equally some religious organisations treat their book of sacred law as a guide not to be followed verbaitim: others say the sacred scriptures are to be obeyed to the letter.

Avoid any belief which equates money with being saved.

The main religions have rules along the lines of dont do bad things - dont kill, dont steal, dont lie, dont be envious, or greedy and be respectful which are not limited to a religious life. They supplement them with instructions to follow the religion and not others. Beyond that its mostly technicalities.

In reality no-one here knows, and the ones who do are not telling.

TwilightPeace · 13/02/2020 14:48

The part of you that’s telling you that religion is just a money-making cult used to control people is correct.
Please just enjoy your life and don’t worry.

dustibooks · 13/02/2020 14:54

With apologies to those who have been indoctrinated into believing this - it is total crap. There is no such thing as hell after you die.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Philosophy & religion

Drum2018 · 13/02/2020 14:54

Do you think people of other beliefs/atheists are treated differently to you when you die? Is there a different place to go when we die for different religions/non-believers? You have been brought up to believe in the catholic beliefs. Your neighbour down the road may have been brought up atheist so who is right? It comes down to what you believe, not what your Dh or anyone else believes, because there is nobody on earth who can tell you where you go when you die.

Abraid2 · 13/02/2020 14:56

if you die before you confess you go straight to hell.

I am a very lapsed Catholic and now agnostic but this isn't church teaching at all! Your husband needs to revise his knowledge. For a start, there's purgatory. For another thing, venial sins (as most of them are) would not qualify you for hell.

Bluerussian · 13/02/2020 15:01

It sounds as though your husband is steeped in pre-Vatican ll rules. Nowadays 'confession' is 'The Sacrament of Reconciliation', and positive REpentance is encouraged rather than 'penance'.

HollowTalk · 13/02/2020 15:04

Can you really believe in a god who wants to be worshipped (sounds very narcissistic to me) and who will fling virtually everyone into a fire pit if they don't worship them?

leckford · 13/02/2020 15:04

Why in 2020 do people allow this evil cult to brainwash them

How many ten/hundreds of thousands/millions have their priests abuses over the years? And they tell ordinary people they are going to hell.

The nasty cult should be shut down and their billions of £ worth of assets used for charity

Bluerussian · 13/02/2020 15:06

PS, I've never known the Catholic Church to take money willy nilly. There's the collection at Mass in which you put what you can afford and there are boxes at the back for different things such as 'an Ethiopian well', 'Homeless charity' or whatever. Sometimes there will be a second collection for a particular cause.

If you do dip your toe in the water again, find a Catholic church that is modern. They all have websites. There are some that are ultra-traditional and not much else but plenty that are not.

Abraid2 · 13/02/2020 15:07

They don’t tell people they are going to hell. They also contribute to a lot of charities. The church my mother goes to is always fundraising for various good causes for various vulnerable groups.

I’m not a believer but that is unfair.

CameraTime · 13/02/2020 15:09

Could you arrange to talk things through with a priest, to get their perspective? Or maybe a minister or vicar from another church - that might give you some food for thought in terms of what are the bits that all Christians believe, and what are the bits that are exclusive to the Catholic church?

Ultimately it's up to you too decide what you believe.

Oxfordnono12 · 13/02/2020 15:10

I am a catholic and I believe my faith is how I live my life in the present and how I treat people, I pray and I go to chapel, at times I dont get but I always have time aside to be connected. I dont go to confession because I dont believe in it. I go to chapel an have time with god and reflect. As much as i care about our parish priest I'm not going to sit an fill him on a "sin" because god will banish me to hell if i dont, so long as you learn from mistakes and do it differently the next time, then you will not go to hell. Hell is just pure EVIL, kindness kills all evil.
I believe "rules" were brought in by the Vatican to control people and parts of the teaching of christ/god is twisted to again control (how that has back fired) people. I feel this is wrong because jesus is kind and compassionate, he forgives. He doesn't punish. I think the Vatican needs to learn the basic teaching of god and jesus. Be kind, love each other, dont spread hate!!

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 13/02/2020 15:14

I'm in Italy and they don't talk about hell or try to get money out of people here.
They have used voluntary donations to build a residence for refugees and another one for homeless people released from prison.
The Catholic church may be many things (I'm not Catholic) but it certainly is not what your husband says it is and I think his parish priest would be pretty horrified by his beliefs. As would the current Pope who is waging a campaign against older priests who ask for money for certain services etc.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 13/02/2020 15:14

You can sleep easy OP. There is no hell. Confess to another person if you wish, don’t if you don’t. It has no impact on what happens when you die.

ItsJustTheOneSwanActually · 13/02/2020 15:17

I thought religion was meant to be a comfort

wheresmymojo · 13/02/2020 15:21

So basically...

If person A is generally a very good person and does something and happens to have a heart attack before the next Sunday mass they will go to hell

If person B abuses a child on Saturday and manages to go to mass and confess on Sunday they are A okay?

Is this how this works?

Cabaceo · 13/02/2020 15:32

Er......they wouldn't let me join ! As an illegitimate child of a Catholic mother in the 1950s, the nuns wouldn't let my mother enrol me at Primary school - they literally stood in her way, wouldn't let her and myself past the school gate (on a whim she took me to the Local authority school at the other end of the street).
Best piece of luck I ever had (the male head teacher was later convicted of abusing numerous pupils over many years).

Littleshortcake · 13/02/2020 15:36

I am much the same as you. Lapsed Catholic with practising dh. I don't go to mass. It doesn't bother me to have a Catholic burial at this stage but I will go along with most things to keep in with the tradition of it (out child will make Holy communion for example).

As regards going to hell I think that's just anxiety there is no hell. You are a good person and no need to worry.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/02/2020 15:39

Do you believe that a just and loving God would let 7 out of the 8 billion people on earth burn in hellfire because they aren't Catholic?

I'm an atheist and decided long ago that any God that allowed my atheist and wonderful grandmother to burn was not worth my time. Do good, pray if that's your thing.

Abraid2 · 13/02/2020 15:40

*If person A is generally a very good person and does something and happens to have a heart attack before the next Sunday mass they will go to hell

If person B abuses a child on Saturday and manages to go to mass and confess on Sunday they are A okay?

Is this how this works?*

Several people, believers and non-believers, have already explained that is most certainly is not, if you read the thread.

bellinisurge · 13/02/2020 15:42

Lapsed Catholic too. The burn in hell nonsense didn't even fool my devout Irish mum. Who still talks like that?

gospelsinger · 13/02/2020 15:49

Your DH's belief does seam to have been distorted, but I am not Catholic. Christian teaching is that you should accept Jesus as your Lord and saviour, confess your sins, and accept that Jesus died on the cross to pay for those sins. God offers you forgiveness and acceptance and the comfort and joy of relationship with Him. If you reject all of that, then, yes Hell is your ultimate destination. But you shouldn't be worried about that simply because you haven't confessed for a few days. I would recommend an alpha course where you can discuss these sort of questions and hopefully find your own faith.

Original poster

Crazydaisy11 · 13/02/2020 16:11

Thanks for all your replies, I may have exaggerated what my dh said, his exact words may not have been burn in hell but that was the jist of it,sorry if I was unclear.
I suppose I must believe in something to some extent or it wouldn't bother me.
He was talking about venial sins, mortal sins purgatory and penance and it just all freaks me out! I cant help but think of all those poor children and women abused over the years, if there was a God how could he let that happen in his name?

OP posts:

LonginesPrime · 13/02/2020 16:21

If you're not sure whether god exists but don't want to take a chance on not getting into heaven, it seems logical to do the praying and confessing, etc you'd need to do to get in.

No-one can tell you whether god is real or not for sure and you're going to have to act on faith either way, OP.

It depends how much you believe and whether it's worth doing the prescribed things to keep your possible soul safe, really.

KingaRoo · 13/02/2020 16:25

God doesn't swoop in and stop people behaving badly, whether supposedly in his name or not.

Why don't you go and speak to a priest and find out some information and then make up your mind for yourself? I don't think people on an internet forum saying their views on whether faith is rubbish/untrue or not will help you. I suggest doing your own research and then making up your own mind from a more informed position.

Or perhaps a C of E Alpha course? They are non-pressured and allow you to ask all the questions you want.

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