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Original poster

How would you deal with this incident at child’s party?

72 replies

PinotAndPlaydough · 07/02/2020 19:33

Long story short dd (8) went to a party where another child pulled her leggings and knickers down twice. The girl stopped when dd said she didn’t like it and would tell if she did it again.
DD was very embarrassed but is begging me not to say anything to the other girls parents.
Would you say something or respect her wishes. I have to admit I’m really cross as they are old enough to know better and it would only have been done to humiliate. I’m not sure how the other parents will react but if their daughter then seeks my dd our to say sorry or it goes the other way and the parents react badly then my daughter will know I’ve done something she explicitly asked me not to.
WWYD?

OP posts:
TheFastandTheCurious · 07/02/2020 19:34

I'd be pretty worried, at 8 they know better than this

FoamingAtTheUterus · 07/02/2020 19:36

Id report this.to.the school...... something could be happening.to.her at home. She's 8, it's a bit old for.these types of games

Original poster
PinotAndPlaydough · 07/02/2020 19:38

I did think about talking to the school but I’m not sure they’ll do much as it happened off school premises

OP posts:

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MummaMeerkat · 07/02/2020 19:39

I would speak to the other girls parents. That's not OK at all

Dippitydoodle · 07/02/2020 19:41

How does she know this child? Are they in school together? I know it's outside school hours but if its a school friend, i'd perhaps speak to the teacher to let them know and ask them to keep an eye.

I'd also use this as a discussion point with DD that your pleased she told you but although you will always try to keep her confidence, sometimes, to protect her you simply cant.

Original poster
PinotAndPlaydough · 07/02/2020 19:46

They are in the same class at school.

I don’t even know how to broach this with the other parent.

OP posts:
june2007 · 07/02/2020 19:46

Speak to the other girls parents.

Whynosnowyet · 07/02/2020 19:48

Tell her dm.
And school to ensure they are never in the loos together..
Do not under react op..

loutypips · 07/02/2020 19:49

I wouldn't speak to the parents. Find out who is the safeguarding lead at the school and speak to them.

unfortunateevents · 07/02/2020 19:52

Did anybody else witness these incidents? That would make it easier to speak to the school as if they bring it up with the parents it isn't obvious that it was you who reported it.

Poppinjay · 07/02/2020 19:53

I wouldn't speak to the parents. Find out who is the safeguarding lead at the school and speak to them.

This.

Safeguarding isn't only about what happens on school premises. They will have to take it seriously.

CoffeeCoinneseur · 07/02/2020 19:54

I would explain to your DD that some things are too serious to be able to promise 'not to say anything', and this is one of them - and that anything along the lines of pulling her knickers down just cannot be kept quiet.

And then I'd speak to school and the girls parents.

greenlynx · 07/02/2020 19:55

I wouldn’t talk to the other girls parents I would rather have a word with the teacher. The teacher could keep an eye on the girl and have a general chat with the class about appropriate behavior and boundaries. It would be useful for everyone.

Clymene · 07/02/2020 20:04

Yes, explain it's serious (the pants rule) and that you're going to tell the school. Don't tell the parents - safeguarding should and will deal with this.

Your daughter needs to understand that this isn't her fault and she shouldn't be embarrassed. Please do praise her to the rafters for telling you

Whynosnowyet · 07/02/2020 20:05

Sorry but at 8 dd doesn't get to decide about safe guarding issues.
My ndn's dd was abused by another neighbour's ds.. They solved the problem in their eyes by moving - meanwhile a child sex offender walked the streets.

RosiePoseyPanda · 07/02/2020 20:06

Don’t speak to the parents. What if one of them is abusing her? They will have time to coach her about what to say so they don’t get found out. You need to report it to school.

mealychump · 07/02/2020 20:07

Absolutely echo the advice to talk to her school.

Not the parents.

Aknifewith16blades · 07/02/2020 20:09

I'd report to the school, directly to the safeguarding lead. It's possible the girl is being abused and that is causing her to act out.

lilgreen · 07/02/2020 20:12

Speak to parents not school.

Sunshine1239 · 07/02/2020 20:14

This happened to dd and her friend and the girls involved had no issues and it was purely show off /poor behaviour

Obviously terrible but it’s not always related to abuse or anything

Personally I’d be contacting the parents and not the school given it’s not school premises.

It’s not right but it’s not actually an uncommon playground thing that many girls do and I don’t think it’s right to start labelling abuse etc

lilgreen · 07/02/2020 20:15

If it was your child, you’d want to know.

lilgreen · 07/02/2020 20:15

Agree with @Sunshine1239

PrincessandthePeach · 07/02/2020 20:15

I would speak to the school first rather than the parents as it could be that something is happening to the child at home to make them think that this type of behaviour is okay.
Really hope it isn't anything sinister and it's just a kid thinking it's a joke when it's really not.

Bluewater1 · 07/02/2020 20:19

Tell the other girl's parents and tell school, this is atypical behaviour for an 8 year old.... especially as she repeated it....there may be some safeguarding issues here....

UnaCorda · 07/02/2020 20:28

This happened to me almost 40 years ago and I still haven't forgotten the humiliation. A tricky dilemma, but I don't think it should just be dropped.