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Original poster

What happens when step parent dies after other parent.

114 replies

Rainingdogsandcats · 03/02/2020 21:40

Complicated all of a sudden.

I just learned that my step mother died in the middle of January. We weren't in contact. She was married to my stepfather ( who brought me up from a few months old) who died 5 and a half years ago. She was only 58.

She had no other relatives at all.

I feel very sad that she could have been surrounded by grandchdren yet she died alone and myself and my sister have been searched on social media.

I have to contact the hospital tomorrow. She lived in our family home that belonged to my mum ( died 40 odd years ago) and dad. Paid off before she came along.

She was very very wealthy.

My questions are what will we be expected to do? Will we be able to access any insurance to pay for her funeral or anything? Will we even be able to do anything since we're not blood related?

It's going to be very complicated. I can only hope she's made a will so that it's easy to organise.

She wasn't very nice and wasn't nice to my dad.

OP posts:
BillieEilish · 04/02/2020 10:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ for quoting a deleted post.

mummmy2017 · 04/02/2020 11:00

Please still look at your mum's will.
If it said your dad lives there till he dies then it reverts to you, then you can claim it back.

BillieEilish · 04/02/2020 11:10

Definitely look at your mum's will. I know I have my DD well and truly looked after!

Either way, OP you have done the right thing regarding being responsible for everything/arranging funeral etc. If you are due to inherit, you will anyway. You didn't have a relationship with this woman and she was not nice to you.

Do not be saddled with all the hassle/admin and fees and arranging a funeral!

And SEE A LAWYER, if she had no relatives whatsoever this was your Dads wife. Flowers

lyralalala · 04/02/2020 11:14

That doesnt make his wife your step- mother though. She's your dad's wife.

That does make her the step-mother...

@DillBaby There’s no time limit on an estate that is incorrectly distributed

There’s also a chance her father’s estate hasn’t actually been dealt with - if he was intestate then someone would have had to apply to deal with it and if his wife was a drinker then it may just never have been done. That happens sometimes if no one chases it

Drabarni · 04/02/2020 11:17

Eh? If you are adopted legally then he is your father. If you don't have an adoption certificate then he isn't your dad.
See a solicitor but find out your facts first or you'll just be paying for nothing.

paw1977 · 04/02/2020 11:26

Iv pm you

campion · 04/02/2020 11:34

I'd be very sceptical about the NHS having incontrovertible proof that she has no relatives. They just want to hand the problem on to the nearest available person and that seems to be you.
Do you have an adoption certificate or were you just told that he adopted you?
If you think you've got a claim then explore it further but I don't think you've got any responsibility towards this woman.

My DF ended up with nothing when his widowed DM died aged 42 having remarried but leaving no will.
Always make a will!

lyralalala · 04/02/2020 11:38

I'd be very sceptical about the NHS having incontrovertible proof that she has no relatives.

They don’t have to prove it to go ahead with organising a funeral and doing a basic sorting of the estate in terms of passing it on to the Bona Vacantia dept. They’ll have a dept that deal with that on a regular basis. They don’t need to prove that she has no relatives, just that they can’t find any

She also may have told them details when she went in depending who she named as her contact/NOK

FizzyGreenWater · 04/02/2020 11:46

You need to see a lawyer!

He was your LEGAL FATHER - be clear about that with the solicitor.

She was your legal stepmother.

Those are the relationships.

The thing you need to investigate are a. the terms of your mother's will in case there was some decree that the house should have come to you and b. whether you can put in a claim based on the fact that you are effectively the nearest thing there is to a relative.

If there are no other relatives at all then the best way to ensure that you do get access to what is important to you - the personal effects - is to take it all on.

It will be a hassle but it does sound as if this might be the right move for you. You are clearly sad at how she died alone and feel uncomfortable - it might help you to be able to give her a decent funeral, if there is money, make some large charity donations in her and your dad's name?

You're right. Two wrongs don't make a right.

Follow your heart.

But yes if personal effects are important to you then the surest way to get access to these might be to put yourself forward as having a claim on the estate.

TeacupDrama · 04/02/2020 12:02

in England anyone who is a direct descendent of the dead womans grandfather can inherit ( in Scotland they go back to great grandfather ) to try and find heirs so basically that means in England any first cousins or children/grandchildren of first cousins can inherit
the most the hospital can know is that she has no spouse and no children and possibly no living siblings; it is highly unliekyl that they know for sure she has no living cousins or children of cousins

basically you need a solicitor and to see if your mother left a will we know your father didn't as you say so, if you are legally adopted by him you are in the same position as a biological child as regards inheritance from him,
the only time adoption stops you inheriting is titles that pass down male bloodline that are born in wedlock this is relevant to approx 0.000005 % of population ie about 250 people in whole of uk

Knitwit99 · 04/02/2020 12:41

I guess there's 2 separate issues, inheritance and funeral arrangements. You can pursue either one or both or neither.

If you had no real relationship with her then you don't owe her anything. Maybe you feel you owe it to your dad even though she wasn't very nice to him either. You just have to go with your gut feeling on that one I think. How does your sister feel?

I think it would be worth an initial conversation with a solicitor about any potential inheritance but I wouldn't spend a fortune on it and I wouldn't expect anything.

TeacupDrama · 04/02/2020 13:00

if you arrange funeral it needs to be paid for out of the estate whether you inherit or not
the only time to worry is if there is not enough in estate to pay for funeral until house is sold, then you might be paying upfront with a long wait to get it back, as you need to make an effort to find heirs before it goes on bona vacantia list however that doesn't require you to hire heir hunters but if you found an adress book with details for cousins margarets son you need to pass them on; you could also claim reasonable expenses for arranging this and the funeral

assuming house was in both your father and his wifes name ( i'm assuming they were married if not a whole different set of rules come into play) it is entirely possible that she has inherited the whole house as they were joints tenants as regarding land registration, if they were tenants in common then as your dad left no will she would have inherited the first 250K value of his 50% so unless the house is worth way more than 500k you would not inherit anything from your dads share
the other thing is if the house is still in the names of your mother and father again it depends on wills but inthat case it might be different
which ever the case you need a solicitor unless you are just willing to pay for a simple funeral but you need to let someone else wind up the estate as its very complicated

Blackbear19 · 04/02/2020 13:09

OP I was thinking about it and came to the conclusion as FizzyGreenWater put a claim on the estate.

Shes your Step mum.
Without any other family to clear the house you are probably as well to do it.

Who has the keys to the house?

FoamingAtTheUterus · 04/02/2020 13:20

Some of the posts on here are weird, assumptive and very strange.......the posters of which would do well to have a gaze at this thread. 🧐 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3813435-To-think-there-is-a-bit-of-a-gang-bullying-problem-on-here

Op, I've got no idea about the legalities but I don't think anyone can blame you for wanting something of your childhood. Even if your dad wasn't perfect he was still there at the end of the day. Flowers

Original poster
Rainingdogsandcats · 04/02/2020 14:32

blackbear19 only sm has keys to the house.

The house they lived in was mortgage free before they married. She has 2 other properties in the village that they lived in and also a property in another country.

Thinking about it, I know her mum was an only child but I don't know about her father. He died when she was a child but could well have siblings, cousins of his own etc.

I'm going to give a recommended solicitor a call for some advice. I wouldn't like to think of her buried alone. My dad was cremated and his ashes were scattered at sea but she was a Catholic and so I'd be happier to know we've done the right thing by the woman who was married to my dad for 20 years.

OP posts:
DillBaby · 04/02/2020 14:35

DillBaby There’s no time limit on an estate that is incorrectly distributed
Oh really? That’s interesting. I thought there was a time limit to challenge how an estate was distributed? What if the recipient has spent the money that they shouldn’t have received?

lyralalala · 04/02/2020 14:38

What if the recipient has spent the money that they shouldn’t have received?

That’s why people should think very carefully before becoming an executor, or administrator, if they don’t know what they are doing as they are responsible for errors they make in distribution

morrisseysquif · 04/02/2020 14:39

Funeral are very expensive, even basic ones. You need to think this through. Can you afford a few grand on paying for this?

Blackbear19 · 04/02/2020 15:12

Take legal advice but I believe that the funeral costs come out of the estate. So OP shouldn't be left out of pocket for it.

OP if only MIL had keys to the house. Where are the keys? Are they in a plastic bag at the hospital?

If you are up for dealing with it, it might be better for you to deal with the funeral, clearing the house, and handing the rest to a lawyer to deal with.

Original poster
Rainingdogsandcats · 04/02/2020 15:20

Yes I'd be comfortable doing that.

OP posts:
Blackbear19 · 04/02/2020 15:58

On thing to think is if you don't do organise funeral / house clearance who will?

Funeral could end up in hands of council.

House clearance again in the hands of council or house clearance company arranged by lawyers.

I'd be tempted to deal with it.
Something else that has crossed my mind, check with Land Registry to see who owns the house. It may be they have never taken it out your fathers name.

zogezellig · 04/02/2020 16:09

I'd also deal with it myself. For one, I find it really decent of you to want to bury someone that was loved by your father. It doesn't have to be something big, you can just have her cremated or if she was religious ask the church to come. Two, it seems that you will end up with admin and lawyers and trying to get part of your dads house anyway, so there is no easy way about it. Might as well go for everything then.

zogezellig · 04/02/2020 16:12

I pretty much hate my dads girlfriend but if nobody was there I also would arrange the funeral. I get where you're coming from. It feels wrong to just let the hospital deal with her. You at least knew her and she was important to your dad. Besides, it's not what the NHS is for really.

milveycrohn · 04/02/2020 16:20

I think the question is whether you want to be involved or not.
As others have said you are not obliged to help at all.
However, if you want to gain access to the house to a) search for some artefacts that belonged to your family, or b) search for any relatives.
The latter is hard work, as I know someone who did so - tracing distant cousins, etc of the deceased, who would be beneficiaries.
This supposes there is no will.

Blackbear19 · 04/02/2020 16:20

Google tells me it would be the council whod deal with a very basic funeral and they would then claim for expenses from the estate.

So really you are as well to get her the funeral she'd want rather than all the cash going to random cousins she's never met.