3 years training for my dream job and now I'm qualified I'm miserable.

[Monr0e]

Since leaving school I have wanted to be a midwife. I have recently qualified and started working at a new trust in October. The training was difficult but nothing I wasn't expecting and I enjoyed it overall.

I qualified in September last year and started at a new trust from where I trained in October. I am completely miserable. I am riddled with anxiety. I have started my rotation on delivery suite and I feel so out of my depth. The level of responsibility is off the charts, I go home every day wracking my brains thinking what did I miss, what did I not hand over, is it my fault they ended up in theatre or with a heavy bleed or a baby that needed to go to nnu. The other midwives are lovely and supportive but some of the band 7 co-ordinators are just horrible. I have spend my days off dreading going back.

My DH and DC's have supported me so much these last few years while I trained, I can't just not go, we need my wage and I can't not work but I don't know what to do. I feel such a failure wanting to give up after only 3 months but don't feel I can go on like this.

That sounds a very stressful situation, when will you next rotation be?

I am a newly qualified healthcare professional too and now 7 months in. I veer from being totally out of my depth to thinking I may have a clue what I do doing!

A few thoughts, do you have any peer support groups within your department. I would more or less guarantee you are not the only one feeling like this and I have got a lot of support even from others just saying they feel like me sometimes too.

Secondly, is there some kind of preceptorship and time built in for you to shadow more experienced team members? I admittedly work in the community so have more opportunity to shadow and plan my schedule. However, it seems very unsafe (for you and patients) if you are just being allowed to get on with it with no guidance or support? No wonder you feel overwhelmed!

Finally, do you get supervision? It is so important to be able to discuss how you are feeling and the cases you have found tricky with someone more experienced. My supervisor has 30 years experience in our field, and constantly reminds me I won’t know it all in that time.

Sorry you are feeling this way, and I really seems like you employers need to provide you with more support and reassurance!

Thank you so much for your reply, to answer your questions, I don't have a named preceptor or mentor that I can go to although there is a ward manager and matron. I started at the same time as a few others although only 3 of us started on delivery suite and the other 2 trained there and seem to be so settled already. They obviously already know the procedures and trust and guidelines whereas I don't. I know they feel anxious at times too but no where near the level I am.

I was given 2 weeks supernumery when I started. I have another 3 months on delivery then I am due to rotate to another ward. I just don't feel I can do it. I don't want the drama, the emergency buzzers, the rushing round to theatre. But I can't see any other option. Midwifery is such a specific skill set, I have no idea what else I can do and feel completely stuck.

Stick with it for a bit longer, I suspect it will get better.

I'm a nurse not a midwife, but I spent the first 6 months throwing up before going to work because it was so stressful and awful. 15 years on and I am a stronger person who enjoys my job.

Just get through the fist year.

I'm a doctor so have some idea of the stress you are under as I found hospital work very hard. Can you look at working in community midwifery? I understand this comes with it's own stresses but might be less full on than the hospital work? Also I hope you will find you become more confident in your decision making and more able to cope with the uncertainty involved as you gain more experience. I definitely found I worried less the more experience I gained.

I agree with stompy, when you first qualify (I'm a nurse) the weight of the responsibilities can sometimes feel too much. But give it a year and you will settle into the role, then look into maybe moving to the postnatal ward permanently or maybe community.
Midwifery can be a very stressful job (I know a good few midwives and have worked closely with them for years) but it is so rewarding, which I'm guessing is why you trained for it.
One thing that helps me, even now, is my checklist. So before you leave, or on the walk to the car, have a think of 1 thing you did well, 1 think that didnt quite go to plan, and 1 thing that you might want to do a bit of research into. I still do this now so that I can go home with a clear head and make my days off my own, rather than dwelling on thoughts of 'did I do this right'. Some things will stay with you, but that is because we are all human, you are obviously a compassionate person and have a great care for your patients.
Keep going! And the suggestion of a named person for you to reflect with or go to is a good idea, sometimes all you need is someone to tell you that you are doing a good job.

No allocated mentor or support doesn't sound right at all - I get that once we have a degree we are qualified to do the job, but we are still wearing our 'L' plates as well!

I am inclined to agree with the previous poster, if it is 3 months more on delivery then try and just get through - easier said than done I know! Or can you move jobs back to where you trained. At least 5 people who qualified with me moved jobs within 3 months of starting. I would imagine there is so much variance in procedure etc. between delivery suites. How were you to know what this one would be like!

Hang on in there, you did brilliantly to qualify! I was in awe of midwifes and nurses in terms of their placement hours and workload.

I knew this would be healthcare before I clicked on the thread . You have my sympathy. If it makes you feel even a tiny bit better, almost everyone goes through this when they first qualify.

If you hate the drama / emergency side of it then in the future there are options such as community midwifery or the wards. NOT that I am implying in any way that they are an easier option, they have their own huge stresses, but they may be a better option.

So much of your post is depressingly familiar (I’m a HCP but not a midwife). I hated my first post in a rotation. It was incredibly unsupportive. I got through it and swore never to set foot in such an environment again, unless I had to as a patient or relative. I worked in similar but never as bad as that. 15 years on I stuck to that! The experience in retrospect was valuable but at the time was terrifying.

Having said your post sounds absolutely, sadly normal, what does not sound normal is no preceptor or mentor. Are you in a teaching hospital? You really should have someone. Is there a clinical education team / preceptorship team? They are often (not always!) lovely and supportive. Failing that what about speaking to one of the friendly midwives. Not all midwives eat their young but the band 7s will be stressed out of their minds trying to coordinate and keep people alive so might be best avoided.

Unwilling to out myself but I now work in a supporting / sometimes teaching role in the NHS. If someone came to me with issues like you are having I would try to find them support. It can’t fix things but may make things a tiny bit more bearable.

2 weeks super I then let loose on labour suite does happen but is unacceptable without support.

2 weeks supernumery that should say.

How we treat newly qualified staff in that 1st year post qualification is really important. My trust does peer supoort groups and mentors for that 1st year and its really made a difference in retaining staff and building their skills and confidence.

I would second finding a more experienced b5 or 6 and see if they will take you under their wing for the time being. It takes time to get used to that "oh this it im qualified!!" feeling and also months to settle into a new rotation. Give yourself some time

Im 20 years qualified (ahp) and i still have days where i think arrgghhh i cant do this

It gets easier. Trusts vary massively and you might find that being a midwife at a different hospital has a completely different feel to it. You might also find that you feel at home on AN or PN ward. Don’t lose your registration before you’ve been able to try out different things.

You CAN get through these next three months. I really feel for you, I’ve been there and know that dark feeling of dread. Keep your head down, focus on the women and know that your role in an emergency is to scribe - and nothing more. Try not to look at who you’re working with before a shift. It only adds to the anxiety if it’s a ‘bad’ coordinator. Find senior band 6s who are approachable and seek help from them. You’re halfway there...good luck and chin up

Sorry to hear this @Monr0e

The NHS is in desperate need for midwives and the fact its been a career goal for you, hopefully means you can find a way to make it work?

I have no experience of midwifery (or working as a HCP) personally so forgive me if my questions / suggestions are silly.

What are the different rotations you can expect? How often do you repeat them? Is delivery = labour ward? (Not the birthing centre?)

Where did you train? Any possibility you can return? Can you speak to the other MW who started with you to ssk for advice / where to go for support?

Wishing you all the best.

look on NHS jobs and other job websites, there may be other jobs that you would like that aren't midwifery but they want nursing/midwifery/social work registration

I knew this was HCP before I even clicked on it.
I can't understand why you only had 2 weeks supernumerary??
I qualify at a RNA end of this year. When I start my job , I get 6 months preceptorship.
Does it differ that much trust to trust??
Please speak to someone about how you are feeling, this isn't good for you or your patients.
Is there any educational staff ( practice education facilitators)
Any band 5/6?
This needs nipping in the bud. The NHS needs wonderful dedicated staff like yourself. No wonder staff are leaving when we don't get simple back up.

I can't tell you how much your messages mean, and yes it is reassuring to hear that this is normal.

I do have a pbe person, she is in education though not on the wards.

Try not to look at who you’re working with before a shift. It only adds to the anxiety if it’s a ‘bad’ coordinator. Find senior band 6s who are approachable and seek help from them. Have you been spying on me this is exactly what I do at the moment but trying not to. I definitely start a shift looking at who I am working with and identifying my go to person or people for the day. And trying to keep my head down and just get through it.

I do love the job, I love the women and families, I love building relationships, having a laugh, giving support, watching couples become parents for the first time. I definitely think I will do better on a different ward. Yes, delivery is labour ward, high risk, monitors, IV's, epidurals, emergencies. A lot of it you just don't do as a student so it has been a very steep learning curve.

The trust I trained at is known for having a very low turnover of staff and very rarely recruit but I am always keeping an eye out. Where I am is where I always wanted to be, it is my local hospital and very easy commute wise. But I just don't feel a good fit. It probably is because I haven't given it long enough. And it is good to know the crushing self doubts should hopefully pass!

I'm not sure yet where my next rotation is but I will have postnatal ward and antenatal ward to go to. Not sure if we do community as a newly qualified. There are talks off taking that rotation out but it is something I would like to do.

I am back in on Tuesday, already dreading it. I should be enjoying my weekend off, not googling jobs

@Monr0e I qualified 3 years ago (as a nurse) and I felt exactly as you do. I did have support from a close knit team however I just didn't feel like uni prepared me for the practicalities of the job and I finished every shift on edge, anxiety through the roof. My whole body relaxed when I got in the car to go home as I knew I was escaping the ward but seconds later, the anxiety was back when I knew I had to be back on the ward at 7am the next morning.

I constantly doubted myself, worried that I had made a mistake that could put someone in danger, I worried about everything. I kept telling myself that I'd give it to the end of the month and then I'd quit. But I kept going. I just struggled through and after a while, I noticed that I didn't have that feeling of dread at going in. I felt confident in making decisions. It really was a case if just pushing through. You will get there.

In saying that, there is nothing wrong with speaking to one of the experienced midwives on shift, one that you trust and saying that you feel out of your depth and asking for advice.

Feel free to PM me if you want to chat. I know how hard it is x

Glad the messages have at least helped you feel less alone. Even if your PBE person is not on the wards directly she may be able to give you a little help and support.

I was you. I really struggled with my confidence as a newly trained midwife on delivery suite though I loved AN and PN.

Just keep going, one day at a time. It’s a great shame you don’t have a preceptor. Speak to the contact you do have and ask for more support- honestly, they really want to keep you. Do keep latching onto friendly people and ask for feedback (gently given) after any episodes you feel worried about. You WILL get more confident and it DOES get better.

In fact some people are not born to work on delivery suite. Just as some aren’t suited to A&E. I moved my practice, after consolidating my training, and worked for many years in ANC and then specialised in a very niche role which I loved. However that’s not possible without being competent in all areas of practice first.

So get some more support- that’s a strength, not a weakness.

Measure your confidence by the month rather than daily, it takes time.

If you need someone to double check every decision you make then do it, it won’t be forever. Even massively experienced people double check quite often. It’s ok.

I’ve no words about the cliquey, unsupportive Band 7s, it’s a bloody disgrace and happened at my trust, too. Just steer clear and take support where you can. They are making themselves extremely foolish. It is noticed.

Chin up, you will find your feet. You make a difference every day.

And enjoy your weekend off. (I used to open the car window on my way home and blow the day away!)

I was a teacher, not Healthcare but I remember a very similar feeling in my first year after qualifying. I suddenly felt so much responsibility, so much more work, hardly any time to reflect like when training. After about Easter of the first year it started to improve.

It then happened to a certain extent every time I change school, because if the job is technically the same every school, like trust will have its own way of doing everything.

I suggest speaking up to someone. Ask questions, offload concerns. You aren't supposed to be the finished product, even after 3 years training. You are still a brand new midwife.

It's such a shame that we don't have support like this for our nurses and midwifes in the UK, however, it is a useful online resource www.nmsupport.org.au/

As others have said the transition form newly qualified to confidently qualified is huge!

Speak to the matron, the NMC & your practice educator facilitator, what support is available? Perhaps you arrange supervision to give yourself the support you need during this transition? It does get easier, particularly when you find an area that you enjoy more

I really feel for you OP. A friend was signed off with stress during her first year as a qualified MW, just from a complete lack of support. It did get better and once she had that first year under her belt she moved to a community based job.

I’m due to start a nursing degree this year and swing between being 100% and then doubting it for the sake of the potential stress. There are so many struggling HCP threads on here! I currently do a social care job that’s a bit better paid than a NQ HCP with very little stress and complete flexibility but also zero challenge or chance for further progression. This type of thread certainly gets you thinking.

OP hope it gets a bit better for you soon. Definitely let your superiors know how you’re feeling and request a formal mentor.

I'm about to have my first baby and just wanted to say that I'm so grateful for the midwives at my hospital. It's obvious they're all really really stressed and the procedures seem completely mad at times, but as a patient, it makes such a difference to know you're there.

I felt like that too when I was a newly qualified peads nurse in a new trust. No one tells you how much harder it is than being a student. Hang in there. 16 years later I can honestly say, it will get better. You will love your job again!

Firstly, well done for qualifying and I'm sure you're fab at your job and no one wants you to just leave it so please don't!
I was just wondering about if you've put thought into how you switch off from work when you are not there? I have always struggled with this but some people seem to be really good leaving work at work and perhaps you could use this (incredibly stressful) time to start thinking about strategies for managing your boundaries and time so you (perhaps initially) force yourself to switch off when you are not at work. I know it won't help the situation at work at all but I would imagine your own mental health will benefit from this. Because like you say, spending your free time job searching and dreading returning is no kind of quality of life outside work. Your job must have such amazing highs when you are with families meeting their new babies and you also deserve to find your own joy when you are away from work. I hope you can find balance and at least get through this experience and on to something that suits you better. Don't forget that you are realising a life-long dream and you would really regret walking away.

Just seconding everything else said above. I'm 4.5yrs in and am now core nights on DS (felt exactly like you did so would never have believed that!).

Thank you again, everyone, this is genuinely helping.

Especially hearing from those who have been where I am now and come out the other side. It's almost impossible to believe that I might do the same. I just feel so unprepared by my training. Everyone said you don't truly start learning till you qualify but it is such a steep learning curve. There are so many things that I am coming across that I just didn't do as a student which is leaving me feeling incompetent and stupid.

I think it is a good point that I might just not be suited to delivery suite and I'm fine with that, I just hope I can make it through the next few months and then find my feet quicker on the next rotation.

Woollycardi, you are right, I have been allowing it to take over my home life too which is not good for me or my family. I do need to find ways to switch off and enjoy the times I'm not on shift, I'm reading all your advice and taking it on board.

One day at a time