3 years training for my dream job and now I'm qualified I'm miserable.

[Monr0e]

Since leaving school I have wanted to be a midwife. I have recently qualified and started working at a new trust in October. The training was difficult but nothing I wasn't expecting and I enjoyed it overall.

I qualified in September last year and started at a new trust from where I trained in October. I am completely miserable. I am riddled with anxiety. I have started my rotation on delivery suite and I feel so out of my depth. The level of responsibility is off the charts, I go home every day wracking my brains thinking what did I miss, what did I not hand over, is it my fault they ended up in theatre or with a heavy bleed or a baby that needed to go to nnu. The other midwives are lovely and supportive but some of the band 7 co-ordinators are just horrible. I have spend my days off dreading going back.

My DH and DC's have supported me so much these last few years while I trained, I can't just not go, we need my wage and I can't not work but I don't know what to do. I feel such a failure wanting to give up after only 3 months but don't feel I can go on like this.

As a PP suggested, could you work as a community midwife? I'm a nurse, I spent 2 years when I first qualified in a big teaching hospital. It was great for some ground experience but knew it's not where I wanted to be. I have worked in the community for 13 years now and love it. Yes its stressful but in a different way to a ward/hospital experience. During that 13 years on the community I did a very brief stint in a AMAU, I was there 3 months and it nearly killed me. I had awful anxiety and felt sick before going in. So I know how you feel and it's no way to live. I really hope things change and work out for you.

One day, a student or junior member of staff will ask your advice about something, and you will give it. That is the moment when you t
Realise how much you do actually know.

Knew you'd be a NQM from the title!

It's so hard going from a low turnover Trust where if you DO get a job you will be at the bottom of the pecking order and learning everything slowly slowly, to being thrown into a busy labour ward. I did it and it was a mixture of horrifying and also made me stubborn that I wouldn't quit it (but I still never want to be a labour ward midwife!!). If you didn't get to at least 'watch and talk through' or 'do with supervision' as a student, this is not your fault, it is your training Trust's - but that's no good now. It is also totally fine if you haven't done certain things - you have identified learning opportunities, something you do all the time in this job no matter how qualified you are.

You should definitely have a preceptor. Get some good online support, my online friends were my lifeline because they knew what I was going through but I didn't see them at work every day so never felt like I was being judged on 'real life me'. Also, has your Trust got PMAs? (professional midwifery advocates)? They have kind of replaced Supervisors of Midwives from a RM point of view; they will do things like one to one reflection sessions and restorative supervision which might be helpful for you to explore some of how you're feeling.

I'm a community midwife through and through. Now mostly non clinical. Done it for 15 years; no, I will never be an HDU high risk emergencies midwife but that's not all there is to midwifery.

You will be ok. And if it turns out that actually there isn't a niche that you love, there are lots of other avenues - specialism, family nurse partnership, midwife sonography, one of my friends even works at Marie Stopes doing termination care. There's lots out there even without retraining. Too early to think of that yet - you're still at the turbulent beginning bit. I also recommend reading 'the fear bubble' by Ant Middleton off of SAS who dares wins because it has really helped me with my general irrational fear of everything.

Casting my mind back many years ago to my first days on a ward and I recognise so much of what you describe.

Great advice and insight given already.

What jumps out at me is how much you care and that you clearly have great rapport with the woman and families with whom you work.
This is a skill not to be underestimated and one which is actually much harder to teach than some clinical skills.

Please remember to acknowledge the many strengths you undoubtedly have as well the requirement for proper clinical support.
Your confidence and skill set will increase.

All the very best.

I knew this would be about nursing or midwifery when I read the title. I am a nurse and have been for a long time, but I still remember how it felt to be newly qualified, and I know the newly qualified nurses on my ward felt much the same as you. It isn't you, the first year after qualifying is a massive learning curve with huge amounts of responsibility and is terrifying. It also won't help that you don't have a preceptor, definitely ask about this because you will need someone to sign all that paperwork as well as someone to talk to about how you feel. Hopefully that will help. It is good that the replies on this thread have helped you realise you are not alone. Can you also find someone at work to share this with? A more senior colleague? Other newly qualifieds who will be prepared to admit they feel the same? The ward manager? The education person (even if she doesn't work on the wards now, she must have previously so will know what it is like)? Please ask for help, because it is really hard when your dream job feels impossible. This is a problem I have had since I was a student, that I feel like I can't do this degree/ job anymore, but have no idea what else I could do instead because nursing is all I have ever wanted to do, and that really adds to the anxiety etc.

Hello. I’m a labour suite band 7 midwife (although I hope I’m a nice one, and not one of the battle axes you’ve described!)

I hope you feel a bit better after reading that everyone else feels the same in that first year. No one quite prepares you for how awful you suddenly feel - it can be a very lonely place to be. But I promise that at some point in the not so distant future, maybe a year, maybe before, maybe slightly longer, all of a sudden you just feel ok about it. You just have the experience and confidence to not be so panicked all the time.

Is there one particular area/skill set you can highlight that you feel you need more support with? If so, speak to your practice development midwife, they should be able to spend time with you to support you in this area, after all that is their job.

Always happy to chat if you’re worried. But I promise it does get better!

I’m a paeds nurse and felt exactly like you for the first year or so and I started working where I trained! It takes a while to go from feeling like you do to feeling more comfortable.
I would suggest that you actually stick your rotation out. I had to do 6 months in NICU when I qualified and I felt completely out of my depth and hated it 3 months in. But by the end of 6 months I actually fell in love with it and almost applied for a job there. I’m not saying it will be like that for you, but I think that you need more time to settle in. It’s easy to run away and do something different but you will gain so much experience by being there even if it doesn’t feel like it at the moment.
It WILL get better, everybody goes through this, but not everyone is as open about how they feel. I always promised myself that I would never forget what it felt like to be a student and newly qualified, and I hope that I have empathy with new students and nurses on my ward. Unfortunately you always get some harsh people in charge, nature of that job in some ways but if you concentrate on the families and doing your best for them, you will reap the rewards.
Good luck and hang in there x

Hello everyone, I just wanted to update after everyone was so kind and supportive when I first posted.

I completed a 7 month rotation on delivery suite and as many of you advised, I did start to feel more confident in myself. However things within the trust did not improve and Covid made everything so much worse with constant staff shortages and just generally feeling unsafe and unsupported. So in the meantime I was looking elsewhere and I was extremely lucky to be offered a funded position to train to be a health visitor. I started 2 weeks ago and the relief is immense. The course is extremely challenging but I have no regrets what so ever.

I do feel that things could have been very different at a different trust or if I had returned to the trust I had trained at however I am really happy with how things turned out and I now have lots of skills that I am taking with me to my new role.