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Original poster

My husband still has joint bank account with ex wife

52 replies

Frenchlucy · 31/01/2020 14:51

Ok, I could really do with some other points of view as I'm feeling slightly bogged down by my situation atm. I've been married to a very wonderful man for the last 2 years but we've been together for the last 11 years. He and his ex wife separated over 12 years ago, she has a long time partner and the split was very amicable, it still is and we 're all on good terms. The 2 children they share are now 20 and 23 and both at university, point is the parents continue to want to co parent, share costs and still have a joint bank account. Incidentally he does not and never has had a joint bank account with me. Feeling slightly secondary to the ex, can't they just direct debit directly to the kids? Am I wrong?

OP posts:
KellyHall · 31/01/2020 14:55

Of course they could, and I'd be concerned about him being financially linked to anyone other than you. Doesn't it affect your financial footprint, having joint finances with someone else?

I've never had a joint account with anyone, I wouldn't trust anyone else to take care of my money, or my credit score.

Forcryingoutloudwtf · 31/01/2020 15:37

That seems very sensible to me. They share children and they both want to continue to help their children. A joint bank account for this purpose if they continue to trust each other seems civil.

Tombakersscarf · 31/01/2020 15:42

Maybe leave it until they finish uni?

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JigsawsAreInPieces · 31/01/2020 17:01

It will mean he has a financial link to her so if she has bad credit it could impact on his rating too (and potentially yours if you've joint names with him on any policies, utility bills, etc)

Always best to sever any financial links to ex-partners asap.

LoonyLunaLoo · 31/01/2020 17:06

Why does a 23 year old need financially supporting? I was married with a child at 23, they need to grow up!

Whatsnewpussyhat · 31/01/2020 17:09

Surely as their kids are adults they could simply give money directly.
What is it for?

Aquamarine1029 · 31/01/2020 17:11

I would not be happy with this at all. There is no reason whatsoever they need to still have a joint account. Of course he wants to help support his children, and he should, but a joint account is not necessary to accomplish that.

OnTheEdgeOfTheNight · 31/01/2020 17:14

Is this really about the joint account, or is there something else making you feel unsettled?

Womenwotlunch · 31/01/2020 17:16

I think it’s a bit strange tbh
I wouldn’t be happy about it. However, I suspect that it’s not only the joint account worrying you.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 31/01/2020 17:20

I can see why this might have been useful when the kids were younger but I don't really see the point now the children are adults.

namechange1041 · 31/01/2020 17:32

I too think it's weird. The 'children' are grown adults and are fully capable of looking after themselves.

Why do mummy and daddy need to have a joint account for them?

PinkCrayon · 31/01/2020 17:35

This is weird they are not children they are adults.
Sounds bonkers to me.

Wickedwitchofthewest789 · 31/01/2020 17:35

I would be very unhappy with this, even if the children were children! You don't need a joint account to successfully share costs and these kids are adults now.

Tombakersscarf · 31/01/2020 17:37

I can see how it would make financial sharing really easy though - and would require less contact I suppose to ask for payments etc

ellenpartridge · 31/01/2020 17:47

Absolutely bonkers for him to have this and I wouldn't be happy. If I were in your shoes and knew about this prior to marrying him it would literally have been a deal breaker that he needed to regularise before marriage!

FrivolousPancake · 31/01/2020 17:49

That is so strange!

Redcrayons · 31/01/2020 17:56

I can see how it makes sharing of costs for DCs easier and it’s probably one of those things which has just carried on because it’s easier than doing something else.

Post Uni, it will be time to knock it on the head though.

Is this something you have just found out? Because if so, that’s a whole different issue.

MellowBird85 · 31/01/2020 17:57

Yep, bizarre. Like a PP said, I wouldn’t be happy with this even if they were children.

Mandarinfish · 31/01/2020 18:02

Is the account used literally only for costs associated with their shared DC? Is he open and transparent about his finances in other ways? What does he say when you express your dissatisfaction with this arrangement?

Scapegoatforlife · 31/01/2020 18:17

The thing is ..its been fine for 11 years ?

Why is it now an issue for you ?

MurrayTheMonk · 31/01/2020 18:17

I've still got a joint account with my exh. We use it to pay stuff for the kids out of-debits etc and also to save up/put in money for their Christmas and birthdays... I don't see it as a huge issue really...

TARSCOUT · 31/01/2020 18:21

As long is money goes purely in for the 'children' don't see an issue tbh.
Would expect it to close when they are no longer at Uni tho..

Urkiddingright · 31/01/2020 18:23

Supporting their adult children through a joint account is really weird imo. They are adults, some 23 year olds are married with children (I was). If they need money from their parents in an emergency they should contact them individually and the parent can simply put some into their bank account. I really don’t see the name for a joint account at all.

Urkiddingright · 31/01/2020 18:23

*need for not name.

If they were younger it would be more understandable but they’re adults who should have jobs.

AmelieTaylor · 31/01/2020 18:31

It’s weird & unnecessary. There’s just no need for a joint account with an ex, children or not & it opens you up to having his AND YOUR credit rating fucked by them

It’s also oddly clinging onto a past lift

After this long why are you suddenly concerned by it though?!

Other posters

If parents want to help support their adult children then it’s up to them, maybe they like to relieve financial
Pressure on the adult children at university so they have more time to study & less stress. Just because some people had houses and babies by that age, doesn’t mean other parents had to make the same choices.