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Original poster

DS hit a teacher and tried to walk out of school

64 replies

NeedHelpDS · 29/01/2020 15:51

DS is 6.5 in year 2. I had a phone call from his teacher today to say he had hit two kids, a teacher and tried to walk out of school. They can't physically restrain him so he is in insulation.

I will try and keep this brief. Lots of trouble last year with him refusing to do school work, wouldn't read at home or do any homework. So very behind at school. Lots of hitting other kids ect. School brought in a behavioural specialist to assess him but obviously he behaved really well on that day.

This year, he made huge improvements, started doing school work, reading at home ect although still very behind. Stopped having as many tantrums and hitting.

Until December, he had a lot of time off due to chest infections and other illness. Since Christmas holidays he's been horrific at home. Huge tantrums, hitting, kicking and biting my husband. (not me as I'm pregnant and he says he doesn't want to hurt, the baby) trying to break things in the house, screaming and shouting, you name it.

Hitting at school has started again apparently there have been loads of incidents over the last few weeks with him refusing to listen to staff at school and hurting other kids.

His teacher arranged a meeting tonight to talk but she's basically said she thinks it's because of the new baby. They don't know what to do with him. They've asked him what's going on and he doesn't know.

I don't think this behaviour is because of the baby. He is very excited and life hasn't changed for him yet. He has an older sister who we ahve no problems with.

I don't really know what I'm asking. I feel like I've been asking the school for help for over a year and it's only now they seem to be concerned. Has anyone any advice?

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 29/01/2020 16:03

The behavioural "expert" sounds as useful as a chocolate tea pot in a desert to be honest. Even if he was being good that day. She should have been able to pick up in something of another visit should have been followed up.

Have you spoken to your GP.

I'll give this thread a few bumps for you.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 29/01/2020 16:03

Bump

myidentitymycrisis · 29/01/2020 16:15

This sounds shit for both of you, sorry

Has he been assessed for ASD/ADHD/Dyslexia/sensory processing ? he may have an underlying learning difficulty which is impacting on his ability to learn and cope with demands of school (and homework).
I agree it doesn't sound like a reaction to the baby as he had these difficulties last year.

Pathological Demand Avoidance Disorder might apply if he is also resistant to requests to do things other than read (ie, things he would otherwise enjoy). I don't think its officially a diagnosis in some countries though.

I would ask for an Ed Psyc assessment in school - I know this is a long shot but you should still ask.
Also see your GP and explain all you have in your post.
And ask for some more info on the behavioural expert, their background and approach.

Oulu · 29/01/2020 16:31

If the teacher doesn't know what to do with him, she needs to get an Educational Psychologist involved.

It may also be worth asking your GP to refer him to a paediatrician.

starsparkle08 · 29/01/2020 16:38

Your son definitely needs more support at school .
My son is at specialist school and in year 4 . He has done so many aggressive things now they are struggling to cope with him even with all their facilities .
It is very upsetting being the parent of a child who regularly hurts their peers and teachers . Can you ask for CAHMs input.
My son has autism adhd learning difficulties and Tourette’s He is also extremely demand avoidant .he is 2:1 in the community and has 1:1 at school . It sounds as though your son may need some assessments .

The behavioural expert should have listened to school staff and visited the school on a number of occasions and at various different times of day . Also getting input from you and your husband of home life

Original poster
NeedHelpDS · 29/01/2020 16:49

Thank you for the replies and the bump. I'm leaving soon to see his teacher so I can't reply properly now but I will update and reply properly when I get back.

OP posts:
Usernamealreadyexists · 29/01/2020 16:59

He sounds distressed and this could be anxiety related behaviour. Does he show any other symptoms of ASD?

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 29/01/2020 17:05

I hope your meeting has had some positive outcomes.

You need to know what strategies the school has put in place to try to reduce the challenging behaviours and whether any have been successful. It sounds as though something worked, as you say his behaviour improved. Even if there were no behaviour issues on the day the specialist visited, I would have thought something might have been suggested, based on the behaviour described by the school.

Once upon a time, EPs had a certain amount of time allocated to schools, but it’s very difficult to access the service these days and the EP will want to know what has been tried in school. It really isn’t as easy as to say he should be seen by an EP. It very much depends on priorities and access to the service. It may be that OPs boy is a priority, based on the information she has given.

I really hope you’ve found a way forward after your meeting OP.

GrannyBags · 29/01/2020 17:13

I hope you have got some answers, or at least suggestions of how to move forward. Having worked in schools for many years, can I just reassure you that you are not the first parent in this situation, you won’t be the last and by acknowledging that there is a problem and being prepared to work with the school you are already dealing with things better than many parents who refuse to accept that their child is displaying these behaviours.

Original poster
NeedHelpDS · 29/01/2020 19:28

Thanks everyone, so the school have been quite good and he is going to be assessed by a mental health/behaviour person (sorry can't remember the exact name!) they agree with us that he just sees red, can't control his anger and its hard to get him to calm down again. The school said the kids he keeps hitting are his friends and it's over really silly things, like if they say he's not playing the game properly ect. Afterwards he doesn't seem to think he's done anything wrong and thinks he's being punished for no reason.

I've videoed his tantrums before and shown him once he has calmed down and he doesn't like seeing it and it's like he doesn't remember acting like that.

Obviously there is a lot more but that's the basics. I'm just glad the school are finally taking it seriously and maybe we will get some help!

OP posts:
BobTheDuvet · 29/01/2020 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrunoLovesMe · 29/01/2020 19:40

Flowers I’m in a similar situation with my ds

TwoZeroTwoZero · 29/01/2020 20:34

he just sees red, can't control his anger and its hard to get him to calm down again this is word for word the same as my ds who has adhd.

If you get any questionnaires to fill in as part of any assessment process then answer as though you're talking about his worst possible day. It feels awful when you describe your own child like that but it's his worst behaviour that you need support with.

Original poster
NeedHelpDS · 29/01/2020 20:49

Sorry to hear that Bruno, what's going on with your ds?

I'm not saying he doesn't have soemthing like adhd or asd but if he did, would he have improved for a few months? From September to November he improved alot. It only went downhill again in December.

He can be so lovely sometimes so it's frustrating when he just blows up and refuses to do soemthing. He has got a thing about getting dressed at the moment. He never wants to go out so just refuses to get dressed or brush his teeth or anything.

OP posts:
SmellyBeard · 29/01/2020 20:53

What do you think brought on his improvements earlier in the school year?

Do you think he notices he is behind his class mates after his sicknesses and this is affecting him?

BlackeyedSusan · 29/01/2020 21:25

December is always hell... All the change to routine.

Have you noticed any sensory issues?

BobTheDuvet · 29/01/2020 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
NeedHelpDS · 30/01/2020 08:12

The only thing I can think of that may have brought on the improvements was a new class (his class is a mixed year 2 and 3 class) and teacher. His teacher is the senco leader at his school so maybe she knew how to deal with him better? She did say last night that everything that used to work at the beginning of the year isn't working anymore.

He doesn't care that he is behind his friends school work wise. He gets annoyed that the 'work is too hard' but never compares himself to others. He gets extra help with maths and English.

Oh one thing I forgot last night... The teacher asked us to sign a form to say we will allow staff to restrain him if need be. Until they've sorted that out he will have to stay inside.

OP posts:
anon2000000000 · 30/01/2020 08:18

Sounds like my son. He's being assessed for asd at the moment and has been diagnosed with adhd.

BobTheDuvet · 31/01/2020 13:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
NeedHelpDS · 31/01/2020 16:14

Bob, I know what you mean but they will only do it if he tried to leave school again, not for any other reason.

OP posts:
titbumwillypoo · 31/01/2020 18:25

Couple of things stood out. First they can restrain him anyway without your permission as long as it is reasonable, proportionate and necessary. It is best if some staff have had team teach or similar training in order to do it safely but one problem i've seen in many schools is people are unwilling to undertake that responibility. With a well written positive handling plan and good record keeping it will help in the process of getting your child the help they need. Make sure you have a good relationship with the SENCO and the class teacher and above all work with the school and suggest reasonable adjustments that you think may translate well from home. What does your child LOVE, eg TV programs, films music. Things that can be utilised to help your child. I had one child who loved pirates, so i made sure there were loads of colouring pages, word searches and maths sheets with pirates on.

Original poster
NeedHelpDS · 02/02/2020 11:32

His teacher did say that if he had walkrd out of school properly, they would ahev followed him and if he had eg ran in front of a car they would have restrained him then. I don't think he would actually ever properly leave school because at home when he's having one of his huge tantrums, he often tries to walk out the front door. I did let him once just to see what he would do (I live on a path off the road) and he just stood outside not knowing what to do. He doesn't like being on his own. Obviously I know the school can't risk this so I totally support them wanting permission to restrain him.

At the moment he is being kept in at playtime which does seem to be helping because that's where 99% of hurting of other children happens.

His class teacher is the senco which is quite handy.

If I have anything else to update I will. But interesting to see so many of you saying this is what your dc were/are like and have asd/adhd. When he goes through moments or even a full day of no incidents, I think he can't have anything, but then he will have a full on meltdown over the celotape running out that will last for an hour. I just don't know what to think.

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedHelpDS · 02/02/2020 11:38

Oh and to answer your question @titbumwillypoo, he isn't intrested in anything like cars/dinosaurs ect. He does like sticking things together with celotape, making dens with blankets and weirdly, batteries. I realise these are quite strange intrests.

OP posts:
KatyCarrCan · 02/02/2020 11:45

You said he had a lot of illnesses. Did he have strep or scarlet fever? Have you heard of PANDAS/PANS? It might be worth Googling and see if it matches your DS. It is usually triggered from a strep-like illness and children can demonstrate poor behaviour, violence, OCD, etc. It can appear seasonal because it's impacted by exposure to viruses, etc.