DS hit a teacher and tried to walk out of school

[NeedHelpDS]

DS is 6.5 in year 2. I had a phone call from his teacher today to say he had hit two kids, a teacher and tried to walk out of school. They can't physically restrain him so he is in insulation.

I will try and keep this brief. Lots of trouble last year with him refusing to do school work, wouldn't read at home or do any homework. So very behind at school. Lots of hitting other kids ect. School brought in a behavioural specialist to assess him but obviously he behaved really well on that day.

This year, he made huge improvements, started doing school work, reading at home ect although still very behind. Stopped having as many tantrums and hitting.

Until December, he had a lot of time off due to chest infections and other illness. Since Christmas holidays he's been horrific at home. Huge tantrums, hitting, kicking and biting my husband. (not me as I'm pregnant and he says he doesn't want to hurt, the baby) trying to break things in the house, screaming and shouting, you name it.

Hitting at school has started again apparently there have been loads of incidents over the last few weeks with him refusing to listen to staff at school and hurting other kids.

His teacher arranged a meeting tonight to talk but she's basically said she thinks it's because of the new baby. They don't know what to do with him. They've asked him what's going on and he doesn't know.

I don't think this behaviour is because of the baby. He is very excited and life hasn't changed for him yet. He has an older sister who we ahve no problems with.

I don't really know what I'm asking. I feel like I've been asking the school for help for over a year and it's only now they seem to be concerned. Has anyone any advice?

I think if they're keeping him in at breaks they need to try and find away where he gets some kind of movement breaks. and some kind of adult led social skills so he doesn't become completely isolated.

My Yr2 has had a similar thing going on, reception was golden, Yr1 was unspeakably awful. Yr2 has been v up and down. It's not uncommon to have a honeymoon period at start of year, if he will ill a lot that may have dampened sensory issues and also being off school means less time there.

My son was DX with ASD as preschooler, currently looking at ADHD. I've had a huge battle for EHCP.

Probably the best thing I've done is have him assessed by a private OT including sensory assessment, with a school observation. It wasn't cheap, but very revealing and informative. E.g. what school were saying was good behaviour was actually him autistic shutdown. Plus she gave a range of recommendations that should be fairly easy/cheap for a school to accommodate.

I'm not saying he doesn't have soemthing like adhd or asd but if he did, would he have improved for a few months? From September to November he improved alot. It only went downhill again in December.

My DD has an ASD diagnosis, which she got in year 5. Year 6 started well, she was doing fine, had a big part in the Christmas play. Everything went fine - I was no longer called into school on a weekly basis.
Then her teachers played an April Fools trick - and no one acknowledged when my DD said it wasn't true (personally I think a TA should have taken her out of the classroom admitted it wasn't true and let her in on the joke).
She had a massive meltdown and lost all trust in her school.

Stop stressing about him being behind at school. The academics can be caught up. What he needs is to feel safe.

I wouldn't agree to restraint - and the staff should receive training to restrain pupils safely anyway. The school premises should be secured so children cannot escape.

The key thing is that staff need to be aware (and so do you) of the little signs that he is getting stressed. Meltdowns may appear to come out of nowhere - but they don't, before the meltdown there are lots of little stresses building up. A bit like a volcano erupting, there are little changes, little earthquakes which all show something is happening. And just like a volcano sometimes the pressure builds to an eruption, and sometimes the little movements might release enough pressure for things to calm down.

It is possible to work with all kinds of seemingly odd interests that children have. One of the children at my school was obsessed by washing machines and vacuum cleaners. It did tax the ingenuity somewhat to relate the curriculum to those interests.

It sounds as though you have positive relationships with the school and that helps enormously. I wonder if your son copes best when he knows exactly what is going to happen next during the day. Visual timetables can be helpful in showing him what happens next and what has now finished. Particularly for unstructured times, like break and lunchtime

His teacher did say that if he had walkrd out of school properly, they would have followed him

They are not supposed to do that. They are supposed to call the police and parents. Following may escalate the situation and cause the child to flee.

Just a quick update, the school have given a copy of his behaviour crisis plan. I've read through and happy with what they've written, they seem to know him very well, I agree with everything they've listed a triggers and what sometimes works for him ect. It does make me feel a bit more confident about it all as they do clearly know him. But as the same time, I did feel quite sad reading it.

His teacher said they've had some training about how/when they are allowed to restrain him and I've happily signed the form so he will be allowed outside today.

I feel for you OP, I could have written this post myself. My DS is 9 and is going through the same. We have been referred to an adhd nurse and are waiting on his appointment. No diagnosis or anything yet. It is a battle to get him to school every day and he can go into meltdown over very minor (to us) things. In these moments he screams he hates us, his life, etc. We have been under camhs and we're recently discharged. It's so frustrating when all you want is for your child to be happy.

At least the school seems to be doing something. My DS school is still in denial and trying to pass it off as bad behaviour.

So sorry you’re going through this. The behaviour crisis plan sounds good and definitely a step forward

@thecuriousfox, sorry you're going through this too. I know exactly what you mean about kicking off over small things. The other night I asked ds to brush his teeth. DH then asked him to brush his teeth not realising I'd already asked and ds just went crazy saying I was going to do it but now I'm not because you already asked me and things just escalated from there. It's like walking on eggshells.

Hi, just thought I'd update this thread. I was referred to school health by the school who then referred me to children and young people's services. They agreed they could help and are now going to assess ds. I have my first proper phone appointment with them in 2 weeks. Ds is going to be 7 in a few weeks. I'm not sure what to expect. Has anyone dealt with this service before?

Just bumping as I have the first proper appointment today.

What organisation are you seeing?
I am a primary teacher and a mum of a child with ASD.
In my experience both personal and professional some organisations are amazing and can offer really useful advice, some are more a box ticking exercise on the path to diagnosis and EHCP.
So even if you go and think "that was a waste of time" it wasn't because every step is a necessary one on a very long road.
I started being called in to school when DS was in yr1. We started properly investigating in Yr4, It was very wobbly for a long time, he will be heading into yr10 in September we haven't had any exclusions internal or external since yr8 now, you will get there.

We had a spell of unacceptable behavior around this age with DS, I bought some books on explaining anger which were age appropriate and also started a reward chart and there were consequences for exceptional bad behavior. The books helped as it started a unconfrontational dialog on anger and he also was able to articulate that other boys were often the same. It will pass, I am sure there some great books out there to help. I am sure many children go through a stage of this.

My DS has a very similar profile, he has a diagnosis of adhd/asd aswell as learning difficulties. Things that have helped us are:

-apply for every scrap of help /support you can (speech and language therapy, camhs, occupational therapy)

• if you feel your DS requires additional supervision and support over and above his peers, apply for DLA. you can use it to facilitate activities that will support his development, pay for specialist resources or assessments etc.
• make a subject access request to the school. Seeing the documented incidents, risk assessments etc will ensure that you're on the same page when you talk to them and will help you feel like you know what's going on (I found it really helpful). Making a SAR can sometimes come across a bit combative, so I just chatted with the school beforehand and said 'I think this info will be helpful so we're all on the same page, so who shall I address it to?' and they understood.
• read up on positive parenting. Adjusting your parenting does not mean your DS' struggles are your fault, but behavioural difficulties can severely negatively impact on your relationship with your DS, and sometimes as the parent you are the only one who can change its course. Positive parenting is all about making your positive interactions high energy and exciting, and the negative ones low energy and boring. Ignore as much of the behaviour as possible that isn't rude/dangerous /disrespectful and look for situations where you can praise and encourage him.

I'm really happy for you to PM me if you want to chat

I can't remember the name of the book, but it was about a volcano in your stomach and how to stop it taking over. There were age appropriate strategies. We also bought a few other books about honesty and kindness which also opened constructive dialogs. I always found story time a good time to talk and go over things.

Services vary regionally but where I am we have the children and families wellbeing service. It's an umbrella provision of services but there are some areas of support for families who need support for behaviour.

However (I'm a primary teacher) I would also wonder whether there was a possibility of ADHD/ASD or other diagnosis behind his behaviour. You would usually see your GP to discuss starting investigations, which can be a long process, but this is perhaps something you could ask about during your meeting today.

Very similar to my son who has ADHD. I hope you get the support you need

OP the behavior you described after he's hit someone: ' Afterwards he doesn't seem to think he's done anything wrong and thinks he's being punished for no reason.' is nearly identical to what a friend said about her son recently. He had a diagnosis of PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance). Some of his other behavior sounds similar too. It might be worth having a read about it.

Hi
I've just read all of your thread. I'm glad you're finally getting some help. I hope it goes well and helps everyone to help DS. Let us know how you get on today!

Hi everyone thanks for replying. I'll update you then read all your replies properly again. So the person I spoke to on the phone just asked me questions. What was the pregnancy like, what was he like as a toddler ect. I've got another phone appointment in 2 weeks which will be the same as this appointment but with the next set of questions. They said they would do a video call with ds at some point and would send me and the school some assessment materials in the post.

Hi just updating again. I'm finding it useful to use this as a kind of diary even if no one else reads it.

DS is now 7 and has had his initial assessments done. They've decided they will be assessing him for autism, adhd and developmental delay. I feel really conflicted. In a way it's a relief but at the same time I feel so sad. I know nobody knows the causes of these things but I keep going over his life thinking I should have read more books with him as a baby. Maybe I didnt give him enough attention? It's stupid, I know.

I forgot to mention last time that I've had the baby, who is now 7 months old, and ds has been absolutely fine with him. He adores him and we've not seen any jealousy. He wants me to have another!

He started year 3 in September and there's been a massive improvement in his behaviour due to his absolutely amazing teacher. She is so aware of his needs and has put so much in place to keep on top of behaviour. She eventually wants him to have 1-1 support.

I think he needs another assessment. It sounds like he has a stable home life so this behaviour must have an underlying cause.

@HandfulofDust he is being assessed for adhd, autism and developmental delay.

@NeedHelpDs

Sorry I missed that. It does sound like it's something like that going on to be honest and I hope the assessment is helpful. If I were you I would read up on ADHD/ASD and see which pieces of advice might be useful for your son even before he has a diagnosis. Good luck OP it sounds really stressful.

DS has the most amazing teacher this year who really seems to understand him and has so much in place to help him. So far this year, there's been no major issues but today I had a phone call from the headteacher. At playtime, he put his arm around one of his friends neck because he ignored him. His teacher had also rang me this morning to ask about his sleep as he has been so tired at school. He goes to bed early, sleeps all night and always wakes up naturally in the morning. I don't see how he can be so tired.

I feel so drained today. He hit me this morning which he never does.

I know his teacher is just trying to help and understand but I feel judged.

DS had his at school assessment last week and we will find out his diagnosis in November.

He may be tired because he is trying so hard at school. If he does have autism, adhd and a delay of some sort his little brain will be working 1000 times harder to follow and join it with whats goung on. Id be exhausted by that too.

It sounds like the school are supportive and you may get some answers soon.