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Original poster

Unplanned pregnancy partner not on board

91 replies

Manuela78 · 27/01/2020 05:33

Hi, i have had an unplanned pregnancy, but we are both 40 and have decent jobs. We haven’t been together for very long and he wants me to terminate it and try again after a year as we are not ready. I am not sure that I can do that as I want to keep it. Quite confused. It’s my first pregnancy and I really want kids. Previous relationship ended after ten years because he still wasn’t ready in late thirties.

OP posts:

Breastfeedingworries · 27/01/2020 16:55

Another point I think should be made!

A poster said before on a thread like this she aborted her baby to wait the (1year) she was in her forties too. He ended up leaving her, and marrying someone in their thirties, he’s gone on to have children and she hasn’t. :(

He did eventually want children but it wasn’t possible with her, he found a younger model.

Something to consider op! Not all relationships are forever and this one is very new.

Make the decision based on what you want not him!

Overthinker1988 · 27/01/2020 16:57

Always amazes me how clueless some men are. Suggesting a termination as though it's akin to getting your tooth out, and at 40 too....so that you can travel and get to know each other? To be blunt, neither of you are spring chickens, if he hasn't travelled enough yet and doesn't know you well enough after 9 months then a year is hardly going to make a difference.
This might be your last chance to have a child. Abortion can also increase the risk of infertility, especially if you suffer complications.
If he was so against a pregnancy he should've made damn sure he didn't get you pregnant. I'm guessing he didn't wear a condom and left the responsibility for contraception to you?
If you want a child then don't terminate, you'll manage somehow even if you're on your own, don't overthink it. Chances are he won't want one in a year, it's a delaying tactic and he'll mess you around. And even if he does want one in a year, you might not be able to.

PatellarTendonitis · 27/01/2020 17:01

I've seen this happen more than once, too. He pulled all the 'not the right time' or future faked the woman. Invariably, when she couldn't conceive, he was 'very sorry' and left and had kids with a younger woman. The reality is that he didn't want his life complicated. Well, should have used a condom then.

My daughter's already been warned off such douchebags.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1st trimester Families General pregnancy

PatellarTendonitis · 27/01/2020 17:04

Always amazes me how clueless some men are.

Oh, they usually know damn well what's what. Just want it all on their own terms and get hacked off when it doesn't go how they want so try to coerce and manipulate women into having a medical procedure they don't want.

TopOftheNaughtyList · 27/01/2020 17:08

If a man knows anything about biology then he wouldn't be hooking up with a 40 year old if he wanted kids one day because he'd know that fertility starts to decline and there would be a reasonable chance of it not happening. I don't think he has any intention of trying again in a year OP, and I certainly wouldn't be putting it to the test if I wanted this baby.

FabbyChix · 27/01/2020 17:14

How will you maintain the financial support to your parents with a child you can’t expect him to pick that slack up. Even if you have his support he would have to work for you both ergo the support to your parents would cease as he isn’t going to pay it

Somanysocks · 27/01/2020 17:14

It's sad when an unborn child becomes a disposable commodity when it isn't convenient (and I know this is not a popular view on here).

At your age if you want children you may not get many more chances. I would have the baby.

MrsAgassi · 27/01/2020 17:17

Don’t forget that he will have to support the child financially regardless.

I wouldn’t terminate in your position.

He may well step up and is just fearful at the moment as the pregnancy was unplanned. I would be prepared to go it alone though if necessary.

I wouldn’t terminate with the promise of trying again in a year, I would suspect they’re just words to convince you to terminate.

Monkeymilkshake · 27/01/2020 17:19

From a practical point of view:

if you want a baby
if the baby is healthy at 12 weeks scan
if you can do it alone finacially

I would go for it.

You're never ready for a baby. They just arrive and turn your world around.
Good luck.

OopsPregnantAgain · 27/01/2020 17:32

The reality is a) this is very likely to be your one and only chance at having a child
b) relationships don't survive a baby unless both parents want that baby

So start making preparations to be a single mum. Good luck!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 27/01/2020 18:10

I think it’s reasonable he has doubts about timing as nine months isn’t that long to have been dating and know someone enough to make the huge decision of starting a family.

Unless this was a condom failure, he was very silly to not protect himself from pregnancy and is now paying the price.

nancyclancy123 · 27/01/2020 18:17

If it was me in your situation I’d have the baby, you might not get another chance.

binkyblinky · 27/01/2020 18:23

Sweetheart. I'm also 40, mum of 3 boys aged 10, 8 and 15 months.

If you want this child, you keep it. Regardless of what he says. You can do it alone, it's tough, but you can do it. This little one is your gift! Don't live your life regretting a terrible decision.

Be strong, you can do it xxx

BestZebbie · 27/01/2020 18:34

Whilst it seems obvious, he may not have really taken on board that you are pregnant but won't actually be "having a baby" any time soon - you still have nine months to prepare practically and emotionally before the birth (average pregnancies actually being 40 weeks long, not 9x4=36 weeks).

Charmali · 27/01/2020 19:26

You want a baby. You are pregnant. That's lovely. I appreciate the concern about going it alone. I have two children and I know how hard it is. But you will cope whether you do it alone or with the father. Whatever way it works out will just be your normal.

FizzyGreenWater · 27/01/2020 19:47

Oh yes it's reasonable to have doubts.

It's the 'get rid of this one so we can have a year's more fun then just have a baby then' that's appalling, disgusting, immature, and quite probably a bare faced lie.

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