Husband called me fat

[calistaraines]

For context we often 'joke' with each other regarding our weight. For instance I'll call him tubby and he'll grab my 'rolls' etc.
We are comfortable with each other and 98% of the time we laugh it off.

Yesterday I was recalling a encounter with a new neighbour and I said to my husband 'i think she probably thought I was nice' and he followed back with 'just a bit fat'

I immediately went quite and definitely reacted moodily. I was making food at the time and was short with him. He asked what was wrong and I said I didn't like the fat comment.
His reply was that I can't change the goalposts now and that normally it doesn't bother me.

Well this evening i said it did. We couldn't argue as our children had friends over but the evening ended with us sitting in different rooms and ignore each other.
This morning I tired to cuddle him and he is still being grumpy.
Am I in the wrong?
I honestly can't see how I am being the unreasonable one here.

what size are you?
was he just making a joke?

fair enough that you have changed the goal posts but he should get over that by now!

Definitely I'm it plus sized. Dress size 12-14 with a bit of a belly

If my husband said that to me I would be devastated, but we aren't jokey with each other about weight. I think if you can call him tubby you are giving him the green light to call you fat. Neither is pleasant. It seems you both banter about weight and it went too far. This is why I hate banter.

We don’t make unkind jokes about each other’s looks so I can’t relate to what’s apparently a normal part of your relationship. What he said was stupid and unnecessary but why were you offended by that and not having parts of your body grabbed and being called tubby?

You’re both wrong. You for huffing and giving him the silent treatment and him for huffing and not giving you a hug.

All sounds quite petty and childish. Maybe stop joking about both being overweight so you don’t end up here again.

perhaps stop the fat jokes now and your dress size doesnt sound fat to me

Well either it's ok for both of you to make remarks about each other's weight or it's not. It wouldn't be ok for me but then I wouldn't say similar about DH. If you are fine with it 98% of the time you are being unreasonable to expect him to know when it's the 2%. If it upsets you then you need to redefine the boundaries and stop calling him tubby.

DH and I are similar. If I found myself getting upset over a comment like that I'd have to step back and ask myself why I'm really upset. Is there something else going on?

Dress size is irrelevant. You can be a bit fat at most sizes. It’s the not funny joking that’s the issue and the crap communication about hurt feelings. Being grumpy and moody is so unproductive.

If you don't like being called fat stop calling him tubby, stop joking about each other's weight.

Definitely I'm it plus sized. Dress size 12-14 with a bit of a belly

Should 'it' be 'not' ?
12-14 is slim.

You’ve changed the goalposts without telling him. It’s not his fault

othervoicesintheroom

If I was 12-14, I’d be fat. It depends on height

I'm probably double the size I was when we married. We both are that is not the issue. Have been together for 20 plus years.

It's the fact that he is being moody with me when I have quite clearly told him what the issue was.
When we 'joke' with each other regarding our weight it's usually very affectionate name calling.
Last night just seemed so blunt and I think that is what annoyed me

Is that a 12-14 UK? Because I’m a UK 12 and I’m average with a bit of squish (short, curvy) definitely not plus sized!

My DH and I joke about chubbiness and call each other fat baddy all in jest, but I know it’s joking. I get where you’re coming from with something feeling different to the usual joke, but it can be hard to know where the line is when it’s so subjective. If he’s generally kind and this just slightly misfired I’d try to let it go

You have changed the goal posts though.

I'm a similar size to you, and I would properly laugh if DH said that to me.

Well you don't sound like you are fat. But if you're fine about that kind of joke most of the time then suddenly take offence then you are moving the goalposts. I'm with your DH although he should prob quit sulking now

To be fair, I think the difference between what you've defined as acceptable and not is fairly subtle. I'm not surprised he's fallen foul of it tbh. Maybe both just agree to stop the fat jokes?

Surely whether or not the OP is actually fat, and her dress size, are not the point...

@Newmetoday I’m 5”2 and a size 12. I’m not fat

Plus sized

You were moody with him first! Now you’re both sulking and my sympathy is with him because he didn’t know that you were allowed to call him tubby - which means fat - but he wasn’t allowed to call you fat. Is it the use of fat that’s bothered you? Euphemisms don’t make personal comments less hurtful.

I agree with him. You moved the goalposts without telling him.

Are you more sensitive now, do you think? You were grumpy first. Talk to him.

I'm a 14, I'm not fat but then I'm 5'10. Even being really small I wouldn't say a 12 to 14 is plus size.

He shouldn't still be in a bood with you. Fair enough, that's the way you have a carry on with each other, but the point is now he is trying to insult you by telling you other people think you are fat, that's different. He insulted you.