Parenting moments no one tells you about

[GrumpyMug2]

I was just cutting my DS's fingernails and a nail clipping shot into my eye. So now I am sat here with a nail clipping in my eye that WILL NOT COME OUT.

Occasionally I feel it poking me in my eyeball but it is like the fucking Scarlet Pimpernel when I try to get it

Title should say "no one" but phone being a dick

Being on your period in a public toilet and your 3 year old shouting at the top of their voice " mummmmmmmmmmmmmy you are bleeding from your bum we have to get a doctor"
I don't think I will ever live that one down

My dd kicked me in eye as a toddler and ripped my fucking CORNEA with her savage little toenails. She’s now 4 and I’ve not yet let her forget it.

Solidarity op ✊

Catching headlice from your children.

Baby boners. You don't read about them in the baby books

As for your eye, eye wash. You hold your eye open (probably need to hold the lids back a bit, and get someone to gently sluice them with some tepid water

Attending a school meeting due to your dc's bad behavior and feeling like you are on trial...

@Whynosnowyet I know that. My son has ASD and had so many meetings where I felt like it was the Spanish Inquisition before he got his diagnosis

Trying to catch vomit in your hands!!!

I have emptied a bottle of eye drops into my eye but the clipping has secured roots and is busy building a life for itself

Realising when your child vomits on you rather than the floor it's easier to clean up.

Oh God yes... trying to catch vomit in your hands!

Having to say "no we don't eat poo".

My son passed me shit literal shit the second time he passed me a tooth I was seriously seriously relieved

That when the school ring you to say you are needed to collect them as they are crying in pain, the journey from work to school seems to take hours and no-one moves their car out of the way for you.

As soon as we get home I pray they will be able to go back to school the next day

Cuddling baby, then baby head butts you on the nose and bloody breaks your nose.
The pain! The superhuman effort it takes not to swear at that baby or throw baby out of bed...! The feeling of stupidity when you have to explain what happened!
Nope, not in the books.

My one and a half year old was in our bedroom and decided to open mummy and daddy's naughty bedside drawer! I went over like a shot and stopped him before he whipped out a vibrator!!!

Friend of a friend detailed a phone call from the school your child fell and may have lost some teeth SOME TEETH? well mrs x we aren't sure.....how many teeth did your child HAVE this morning

Losing my cool with my DD who was having a pointless, idiotic strop and yelling "stop acting like a bloody two year old!"

She was two at the time. I only realized what I said afterwards.....

@jayde28
That’s hilarious.

My 2 year old daughter has this new thing where she strips off and asks everyone to smell her bum whilst pushing her naked butt into your face.
She thinks it’s hilarious.

When your child does a poo in the bath

When they have a horrid vomiting bug and you spend a night going through 20 pairs of babygrows/pyjamas and every piece of bedding you own..... while simultaneously trying to give them a cuddle

Finding threadworms on your child bum. Then catching said threadworms yourself. No one ever talks about THAT

In Debenhams buying underwear while my 6 year old daughter is busy telling the sales assistant “I love my mummy’s boobs, she’s got very good boobs”, sales assistant couldn’t look at me....

Catching shit in your hands mid-dump in the bath from a 3 month old.

Catching milky puke in your hands as that seems like the most logical thing to do at the time.

Fountain wee's from girls- they have skills just like boys!

Using your own clothes to wipe an impromptu snotty nose.

Battling with a rolling baby, changing a shitty nappy could be on Ninja Warrior.

Getting worms from your brood.

Embarrassing conversations in all public areas especially toilets and changing rooms as loudly as possible. "Mummy, there is string hanging from your mini", "Mummy, I can see your boooooobies", "Mummy, is the other person having a poo in there?"

It's endless.

When they have the runs and decide to unleash a huge watery shit midway through nappy change and you cover your nose due to the smell. You then realise your hands and now face are covered in shit.

Yes to the catching vomit in your hands & fishing poo out of the bath!

No one told me that baby girls can also do vertical wees when lying down on their changing mat having their nappy changed!

That if anyone even looks at your baby/child the wrong way let alone upset them that you'll want to to rip the offending persons head off!

That ridiculous tv adverts will make you cry & anything sad on the tv involving children is a no go.

Finally you will discuss Balamory in great detail especially the fact that Miss Hooley is a silly mare & a big liability & PC Plum wants sacking.
Me Too is much better!