Out of control house - where do I start?

[Ninjakittysmellz]

I am embarrassed and overwhelmed so please don’t shout at me - I want to make it better.

I’m a single parent, and I’m overwhelmed at the moment working 2 jobs and just about keeping on top of life. We eat out to avoid using the kitchen as I can’t face cleaning it. I’ve bought ds new socks and pants because my laundry is out of control. It’s not fair on either of us and I have to tackle it....

Where do I start? Upstairs? The kitchen? Do I do Laundry first? I can’t dry it because if I put it on radiators the pet hair hasn’t been hoovered.

I am embarrassed, but I don’t know where to start to make this better. There are 3 beds and a bathroom upstairs, clothes on landing in piles of both clean and dirty. We only use my bedroom really but the spare room has clothes piled up on the bed and floor. Ds room is immaculate but hasn’t been hoovered or dusted.

Downstairs there is a playroom (not too bad) living room, kitchen / diner (a hell hole) and utility with clean / dirty laundry in and all the cat food and litter in.

Please tell me where to begin - once I’ve blitzed it I’m getting a cleaner because I never want to be in this position again. It’s really not fair on ds and I dread coming home :(

8) start moving stuff that’s just hanging around in to right rooms......

Before you move an item, ask yourself if you actually want to keep it. Is that item worth your time and the stress its mess currently causes? Have a bin bag and donation bag in hand, get rid of stuff as you go.

I did a halfhearted Marie Kondo this year and we got rid of tons of things. It has cut back on tidying and cleaning by about 50 percent. It improved my mood no end too. You're so busy. There is only a certain amount of time available for housework. Make it easy on yourself!

Do you have to iron?
I hang clothes on hangers ( on the shower rail) to dry. I only iron if absolutely necessary.

Sometimes I put a load of laundry on a quick wash ( either 30 or 45 mins) and clean as fast as I can, getting as much done as possible during that time.

If your kids are old enough, perhaps you could do a ' ten minute tidy" .... give a job they can do that will only take ten minutes- at least there's an end in sight, then.

When I need to clean but can't get motivation I sit down with a drink and a pen and paper, and write a list. Not things like "clean kitchen", but detailed, like "empty bin" "wipe worktop" put towels/tea towels in washing machine" "Wipe windowsill". Then set the timer for half an hour, and go down the list, ticking off the jobs as you go. It's amazing what a sense of achievement you get , seeing all the ticks!
I also still play The Tidying up Game which I devised when my kids were small, only now I play it alone. That is, start in the living room, and pick up one thing that doesn't belong in there, then take it to the room where it belongs, and put it away. While you're in there, pick up something that doesn't belong in there, take it to the correct room and put it away. When eventually you reach the stage where you're in a room that has nothing that shouldn't be in there, you do a SMALL job (wipe the windowsill, dust a shelf) before going back to the living room and starting again. This game tidies and cleans your house, keeps kids occupied, and keeps you all fit!

I’m back! Thank you all so much, I genuinely can’t tell you how much you have all helped just by making me feel less alone.

Things are worse in the house then I have perhaps let on. The spare room (meant to be my office) has laundry piled up on floor and on the bed, there are 2 half unpacked suitcases in there from 2 separate holidays. I needed to have the house re-wired when ds was a baby and I’ve just never repaired any of the wallpaper so every single room needs decorating - and this is 7 years on. I feel massively ashamed and guilty, which I think makes all the jobs seem bigger?

Anyway! I set the timer and have:

1. cleared all the rubbish off surfaces in all the rooms.

2. cleared out the fridge of out of date food.... a particular low point being dropping the yoghurt from Xmas on the floor and it exploding everywhere

3. moved all the clean laundry into ds room (the clearest room)

4. moved all the dirty laundry into the laundry room.

That’s it so far. I think my next jobs are going to be these unless anyone has any other suggestions:

1. put on load 1 of laundry
2. load dishwasher and set it off
3. clean rest of kitchen

I don’t actually know if that’s right order as I need to clear the house of pet hair in order to hang out washing, but I don’t feel I can clear cat hair In kitchen (where they sleep at night so Poss worst room) without cleaning all the surfaces in there first?

What’s everyone think? I’ve taken some photos as I am so ashamed - i feel terrible for Ds, I don’t want it to be this bad every again :(

Sorry, I forgot to answer - ds is 8, but currently lying on the living room floor watching YouTube videos and I’m loathe to involve him until I’m at a point where he can help. He loves to hoover and dust but it’s so bad with the pet hair at the moment that I would need to do it first I think in order to clear the slate for him.

I think that sounds great.
And it is great that you are tackling this.

Can he hoover his room and landing? Would suggest you hoover up cat hair in kitchen/laundry before wiping down surfaces, then hoover/sweep again.

You're doing really well just by starting.

If you can afford it I'd be tempted to take all your laundry to a laundrette just to get on top of it this time, then you can spend more time on getting the rest of the house under control.

But I'd just do a little bit at a time, and try to concentrate on getting into better routines, just doing a little bit every day.

I've found unfuck my habitat very helpful: www.unfuckyourhabitat.com as well as The Organised Mum Method: www.theorganisedmum.blog

If you find it hard to know where to start in a room, start by clearing one surface at a time. And put things away or throw them away, don't just move them around. Take advantage of charities that will collect donations if you have lots to get rid of.

And good luck! You can do it! But remember, the mess wasn't made overnight, and it won't get cleaned overnight. Don't be hard on yourself if it takes time. Baby steps will still get you there.

I’m just about to go again - that’s a brill idea @LIZS as it def needs going over twice in the kitchen.....

Was reading the fly lady tips and have put my shoes on. It does strangely help

Right, I will report back in half an hour if no one minds. Keep track and telling you all is really helping. Still massively overwhelmed but I can do half an hour and deal with what I do next after that.

I travel for work and end up being away overnight about twice a month. The absolute best thing I’ve done is force myself to unpack and put everything away the evening I’m home - otherwise I’m the same and end up with half packed suitcases everywhere! It’s a small quick job but that might feel like a big box ticked if you get those cleared and put away. Perhaps your DS could help doing those?

I understand completely
I’m a single mum of 4 and a nurse so days off I’m really knackered and trying to ‘do it all’ on your own. Keep up to date with school stuff/washing etc and keep it nice
Animal hair is a nightmare make sure you’ve got a decent pet hair hoover and hoover every day my cats aren’t allowed on beds or upstairs dog doesn’t anymore as he can’t manage stairs.

I just do one room at a time. As I have the energy. Sometimes im on a roll and get more done sometimes less. I have no outside help but bf does help when he’s there but I really need a break in general as I’m quite exhausted it then becomes overwhelming.

I hope you manage to get it sorted, you’ve taken the first steps and look back at the pics when you feel you’ve far to go to see how far you’ve come them out in place strategies to stop same happening again.

Just wanted to say I’m in the same boat and now you have motivated me to get started, so thank you.

Keeping going OP you're doing great

Listen to the podcast 'A Slob Comes Clean' it's brilliant, very motivating and will make you feel less alone in your situation. Her mantra is do the dishes every night and other things start to fall into place. I would prioritise a clean, safe kitchen, clean clutter free bathroom, clean clothes for your DC and you and a clear, clean sleeping space for you all. I would just leave ironing and the extras for now. You can't sort it all at once so small steps. Speed cleaning videos on YouTube can also be very motivating.

No need to be ashamed OP! Running a house is hard on top of everything else we have to do, and it’s understandable to be overwhelmed.

Sounds like you have a good plan (and just think how much better you will feel when you sit down tonight to watch the telly with DS or whatever).

Looking forward to your next update

Well done! And you motivated me to tackle some jobs too

Just wanted to say well done OP and good luck with it. So easy to get overwhelmed with house stuff.
Just to say that you should take time to yourself and make sure you are looking after your own physical and mental health too.

I found myself totally stuck last year and the house deteriorated around me to a point where a family member had a real go at me. It was completely connected to my mental health - I was low at the time and once I felt better in myself, I was able to tackle the mess.

Apart from one pile of boxes which I think might be buried with me.

Well done good list of jobs to do next, I’m looking forward to the update!

Fly lady on fb is good.

I'm a cleaner, I'd relish your place. I've got several double income no kids cleans which are really boring, it's hardly worth it.

Go for it op. Am I the only one who is just itching to help???

As a pp said, use a launderette and her all clothes washed and dried there. Save yourself days of washing and drying! But first sort through the clothes and get rid of anything that's not needed anymore. Then do room by room. The most important or most used rooms first. Good luck!

You are all so lovely - honestly, reading these comments from you all cheering me on has made me so tearful but really helped. For those in a similar boat I’m glad it’s motivating you guys too. Ironically I’d be totally cool about blitzing other people’s houses, it’s my own that makes me feel like pants!

Progress has slowed, but I have:

1. put on white wash
2. put clean pots in dishwasher away, reloaded and set off dish washer which has really helped clear the surfaces in the kitchen.
3. cleared anything in the kitchen not meant to be in here - toys in playroom, paperwork in office etc.
4. changed cat litter and cleaned their dishes.

My next jobs are going to be in the kitchen - cleaning the surfaces now they are clear, sweeping the floor, hoovering the floor, mopping. The washing machine shows 25 more mins so I will then be in a position to put the airing rack up in the sparkling kitchen (locking the cats out!)

I’m then going to put on load 2 of washing, and tackle dusting and hoovering the other rooms (round 1) so I can hang that washing on radiators.....

The fact my kitchen is clean is going to make such a difference. I haven’t fed ds a home cooked meal in about 2 weeks as i just haven’t wanted to go in there. That’s bloody horrific and I need to be better going forward.

Well done for making a start, that’s always the worst part.

If I were you I would concentrate on getting rid of the cat hair, that seems to be what slows everything else down for you. I wouldn’t clean surfaces first either, otherwise you’ll have to do them again. Do a good Hoover now, get some washing in and out to dry and then focus on surfaces. You’ll probably find that more cat hair settles later so you’ll be able to do another quick hoover then after the dusting! Good luck!

I count to 5. I pick up 1 thing at a time (the first I see) and put them away. I count to 5 and then start again. It's weird but it helps.