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Original poster

Miscarriage tattoo?

59 replies

Sparkle2020 · 25/01/2020 10:43

Would you find a tattoo linked to a miscarriage weird? I lost a baby at 8 weeks nearly 2 years ago and spent so long hating myself for it and struggling to get over it as I blame myself for it. At 8 weeks baby is size of raspberry, so I kind of want a little raspberry tattoo? Is that weird? Like these ones

Miscarriage tattoo?
Miscarriage tattoo?
OP posts:
Whynosnowyet · 25/01/2020 10:45

I have had 2 mc. My first pregnancy and my last. Personally I would not want a physical reminder every day. I haven't forgotten those babies but prefer quiet times of reflection not an in my face one.
And def would not want to be telling anyone who asked what it represented.
Sorry for your loss.

Hiphopopotamus · 25/01/2020 10:46

It depends why you want it - as a lovely little reminder of the baby you could have had, and maybe help you to move on? Fine. But if it’s just going to increase your guilt and self loathing every time you look at it and remind you to blame yourself, then don’t do it. Maybe explore some counselling first to examine why you feel it was your fault.

Hiphopopotamus · 25/01/2020 10:47

Oh and I’m so sorry for your loss (apologies I should have put that in my PP)

virginpinkmartini · 25/01/2020 10:47

It's not 'weird' per se, but obviously you would have to bring your miscarriage up everytime someone asked if your tattoo has any meaning. And to me it is a bit attention seeking, sorry if that sounds harsh.
Why not purchase a piece of nice jewelery that represents the size? A nice way to commemorate and less likely to have you quizzed on the meaning behind it.

TheMemoryLingers · 25/01/2020 10:50

My sister had a tattoo to remember her miscarried child, and I didn't think it strange at all (and nor, as far as I know, did anyone else). It was a rune symbol linked to one of the names she had had in mind.

I'm sorry for your loss Flowers.

Ginfordinner · 25/01/2020 10:50

It is a very pretty tattoo, but I don't like the reason behind having it. I have had a miscarriage and would hate to have a constant reminder of it, or to have to explain it to other people.

anon2000000000 · 25/01/2020 10:50

I have one.

Sorry for your loss.

Goawayquickly · 25/01/2020 10:51

I think it’s a rather sweet thing and if it’s something you’d like to do then go for it. Many years on I still buy a pretty bouquet of flowers on my due date of my first pregnancy that didn’t work out. I don’t talk about it it’s just a little private gesture that’s meaningful to me.

Tattoos are for life though, would you consider something like growing a raspberry bush or something or is that a stupid idea?

Honeybee85 · 25/01/2020 10:51

My friend has one. A mother wolf with cubs (her children) and a star (symbolizes the lost baby).
I think it’s a wonderful tattoo.

Original poster
Sparkle2020 · 25/01/2020 10:52

I wouldn’t actually tell people what it was for, I’d just say I liked it. Never really talk about it to anyone but my mum and dh.

Felt it was my fault as finances were bad at the time and me and dh (boyfriend at time) were living at other ends of the country, so I wished it on myself a few times because I was terrified.

OP posts:
Bombaybunty · 25/01/2020 10:53

I had 6 miscarriages. Although the tattoo is very pretty, I'm not sure I'd want to be reminded so often.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 25/01/2020 10:54

If you think it would help you and not be a constant source of sadness then go for it.

Tattoos are for life though, would you consider something like growing a raspberry bush or something or is that a stupid idea?

I think this is a beautiful idea.

gamerwidow · 25/01/2020 10:57

It's a pretty tattoo and if it's going to help you to come to terms with your loss and move on your should have it but if it's going to be there as a daily reminder and a stick to beat yourself with then don't have it done.
Your miscarriage wasn't your fault you don't have to carry this guilt.

Pilot12 · 25/01/2020 11:13

It's extremely unlikely that your mc was the result of anything you did or didn't do. It's most likely that there was something genetically wrong with the embryo and your body decided it was best not to continue. You didn't have a miscarriage because you thought about not having the baby. There would be no need for medical terminations if that's how it works.

I got an angel charm for my Pandora bracelet when I had my mc, having something to remember my lost baby by allowed me to move on. I think of my baby as an angel in the sky looking down on it's siblings and it makes me smile.

I think you need to get some kind of closure and move on. If the tattoo will allow you to do that, go ahead but remember the tattoo is permanent. I had originally got a silver baby carriage charm to remember my baby then decided a few months later that the angel would be more appropriate.

Have you thought about getting counselling first, to help you come to terms with your loss?

Adviceplease1234 · 25/01/2020 11:20

I’m sorry for your loss. I have also had miscarriages so know the pain that can surround it. For me, it was something I thought about everyday until I managed to keep a pregnancy and had my DD.

My point is you may not always feel this raw about it and a constant reminder of a dark time for you may not be want you want in the future. A PP’s suggestion of a necklace sounds like a lovely idea.

Also please don’t think it was your fault. 8 weeks is a very common time to miscarry and 1 in 4 pregnancies sadly miscarries. Your thoughts will not have made any difference.

Hadtoask · 25/01/2020 11:24

I’m sorry for your loss. I really don’t like the tattoo of the size of the baby but that’s just me. I think it’s nice to have a permanent symbol but then you need to think about the possibility of it making you sad all the time. I’m rambling a bit and it’s probably not helpful to you but last year I had a very heartbreaking loss. I was thinking about a tattoo as a memorial but I can’t decide whether or not. For your baby I would have a name or date. But that’s my personal opinion.

TheMemoryLingers · 25/01/2020 11:25

My sister has never regretted hers. It was her only pregnancy and she was never able to conceive again, so the memory of her miscarried child is all she has.

Mixitupalot · 25/01/2020 11:27

I miscarried a few years ago and we chose to plant a tree in the garden. I can go out and tend to it, watch it grow and it helps me mentally in a really positive way iykwim but still keeps the memories alive.

amazedmummy · 25/01/2020 11:27

I had a miscarriage a few years ago. I got a tattoo as I wanted there to be a physical thing to "prove" that my bean had existed. I got the birth flower for the month they would have been born. However I only did this once the guilt had passed. If I was going to use it to hang over my head like a cloud that wouldn't have been helpful and I wouldn't have got it.

yellowallpaper · 25/01/2020 11:54

They're lovely.

humsnet · 25/01/2020 12:05

I hear you, OP. And I’m so sorry for all you have suffered.

I have had multiple miscarriages and IVF failures and decided to mark them with the planting of a hedge. It makes me so happy to see as I approach my house, the sight and scent gives pleasure to passers by, and it’s evergreen and hardy so it survives the hardships of winter and hopefully will outlive me. You can see the symbolism.

You do what you need to do. For the PP who said a tattoo was attention seeking, you do know that’s grief manifesting, right? People talk about their living children all the time. Why must I not mention mine?

LuluBellaBlue · 25/01/2020 12:07

What’s important here is YOU deciding what YOU love and want.
And whatever that is, will be the right thing for you Flowers Sorry for your loss and the tattoos look gorgeous

PixieDustt · 25/01/2020 12:10

For me personally. I would.
I would want the 'reminder' although hard to deal with. You had a baby which sadly didn't make it earth side. Your baby was there.
Something that will bring you comfort I'd say go for it.
And if you ever felt ready if people asked say what it is for. Don't feel like you have to hide anything ever x

Iwantacookie · 25/01/2020 12:53

I do. I had it on my due date.
I like knowing my baby is always with me. He would be 18 next month.

Original poster
Sparkle2020 · 25/01/2020 13:08

Well I’m really happy to see nobody had said it would be really stupid or tacky etc, I don’t think I would use it as a constant reminder to hang over myself, more just a mark that it happened and as a closure kind of thing?

Would you say the bush is nicer or just the single raspberry?

OP posts:
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