Miscarriage tattoo?

[Sparkle2020]

Would you find a tattoo linked to a miscarriage weird? I lost a baby at 8 weeks nearly 2 years ago and spent so long hating myself for it and struggling to get over it as I blame myself for it. At 8 weeks baby is size of raspberry, so I kind of want a little raspberry tattoo? Is that weird? Like these ones

I prefer the bush as it's obviously a design and the leaves make it pretty. A single raspberry from a distance might just look like a red spot/blemish.

OP have you had any counselling? I think you’re still in the grieving process and that’s never the best time for making any big decisions like tattoos etc. I’d advise getting some really good counselling and then see how you feel about a tattoo once you’ve throughly explored all your feelings about the miscarriage. Theres no time limit on when you get a tattoo and if it’s the right thing for you it will still be right later.

I love the idea. I had a miscarriage 9 years ago and still think about it. Although I was 12 weeks pregnant the baby actually died at 6 weeks, apparently the size of a sweet pea. I'd absolutely consider that.

I had four MCs and often fancied having four small footprints on my foot. Something similar to this:

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Haven't plucked up the courage to do it though (because it will hurt a lot on your foot)

I think do whatever feels right for you.

I have 4 birds tattooed on my torso for my 4 miscarriages. I wanted them where they weren't obviously visible to others and to be honest don't even look at them daily myself. Very few people know I have then but I know they are there and that's the main thing.

I can't wear jewellery for work (healthcare professional) but wanted some way of always carrying them with me. It was a huge part of my life for a significant period of time and not something I can easily forget about, or necessarily want to.

Yeah I’ve had counselling but I found it really bad. Like I switched between 3 counsellors and all of them just made me uncomfortable about it. One asked me to name the baby and wouldn’t let me refer to it as ‘the baby’, so unless I said e.g. I wish I had met bob (not the name) then she would tell me off? Which was weird, I don’t really want to give it a name? The next one said it probably was my fault for wishing it because I had caused myself stress which she said would cause the miscarriage, which i didn’t want to hear? And the other said it was only 8 weeks it’s common which, yes, I know, but it still hurts.

@tweedler ouch that would hurt yes! But would be nice to have!

I think it is a lovely thing to do it's beautiful and not ott or tacky, you may find it gives you some peace as you've done something to let your baby that you lost know that you are always thinking of them.

@bobstersmum yes exactly how I feel! Do you like the single raspberry or the bush?

I think it’s a lovely idea - my SIL lost a baby when it was the size of a blueberry so she got a little tattoo of a blueberry 💓
Sorry for your loss x

Oh I think you’ve had really poor counsellors! That’s not good. I do, though, think it’s worth thinking about why you want to have a tattoo for the baby but you won’t name it?

@SuzieBishop oh really! That’s cool that someone had the same idea! Thank you x

@everybodylangclegtonight yeah I gave up after the third one. They were all nhs so maybe should look at private specialist counsellor I guess. Don’t want to name it because I don’t know if it was a girl or boy, and I think like. In my head I have the name, I imagine the gender etc. But I would never ever want to say that out loud because I think people would think I was crazy

I think the single raspberry. It's lovely

I think it is a personal choice, I have one which is a bluebell linked into a much bigger tattoo. No regrets, I don't have to explain it to anyone and it means something to me. It's not like you forget it happened.

I prefer the bush, the single raspberry in that picture originally looked like some sort of mole or blemish when I opened the post.

Personally I have preferred not to mark my miscarriages in any way, but if you think it will be healing for you then definitely do it

Sorry for your loss OP. I'm very lucky in that it's not something I've been through, but I do have several tattoos. I think it's a lovely idea as long as, as other PPs have said, it's not going to be a painful trigger for you. As a commemorative thing it's lovely. I prefer the Bush, simply because it's a bit more intricate and delicate, but you do you!

Also, I have tattoos on both feet and my right ankle and it's really not that bad!

I have a small lily tattoo behind my ear, in memory of a baby I lost in 2004, who we called Lily. It's just for me, hardly anyone knows I have it, and it's very special to me. I find comforting

Sorry, I posted too soon! Meant to say, it's not strange or weird to have the tattoo of your choice. All tattoos should be personal and have meaning, and it's no ones business what that meaning is. Do what you want or need to do to help you heal

I think a piece of jewellery you could wear sometimes and keep safe at home other times depending on how you are feeling about the miscarriage would be better. I hope that in the future, you will come to fully grasp that nothing you did or didn't do caused it and I would be concerned that the constant reminder on your skin will prevent the natural passing of grief with time.

Whilst it's not something I'd do (I too have had a mc and still gutted 2 years later) I like the sentiment. Personally if I was going to do it I'd want the single raspberry as there was one baby, but I'd want it somewhere discrete like near my hip bone or something.

I am not a tattoo person I'm a big woose but I think it's a lovely idea if you know it will bring you the closure you need.
I like the little raspberry bush because it represents your little one but the tree part also shows you will keep growing/living with their memory.
I also second you have had some really bad councillors, I had nhs councillor after my miscarriage and while I had named the baby in my head etc. My councillor waited until I was ready to share this information with her with no pressure.
It may be worth looking into private care like you sugested.

I got the baby and infant loss ribbon with a pair of little feet on my wrist. It can be covered by my watch. I love it. It's not attention seeking. I found it helped immensely with how I felt. I miscarried at 6.5 weeks on holiday. I'd had no pain with the miscarriage and the discomfort I felt with the tattoo helped somehow. Personally I feel as a nation we should be more open to talking about baby loss at any stage, miscarriage is still seen as a taboo so I like it when people ask what my tattoo represents.

I got a motherhood knot and had a full circle put on for surviving children and a not full circle for my miscarriaged child.
I’m never asked about it tbh as it’s not visible but I like knowing that, that child will always be a part of me iyswim

If you feel unsure about a single raspberry, or worry it'll make people ask questions etc, how about a little raspberry sprig with one berry and some raspberry flowers? It would be a very pretty tattoo, and less likely to be misinterpreted.

Thank you everyone! Still can’t decide whether to go for the bush or the single one but have booked in for 12th of feb. On that note does anyone know private counsellors who specialise in pregnancy loss in Scotland? Long shot I reckon 😂 but I’m scared to risk it again.

I think the idea of jewellery is nice but I lose every bit of jewellery I have

@Sparkle2020 talk to the tattooist mine incorporated a couple of my ideas he also understood why I wanted it having been through pregnancy loss with his wife. You could always incorporate the raspberry with something else.